[razeljenny]

What tecnique I use to relax when, someone says a shocking, upsetting, thing to me or about me in public or in a group. When there is no place to hide from them what do I do? I bite my fingernails, I blush, I scratch my head. I crack my knuckles. I start turning colors and figit.... my mind goes to a sore place for a minute........derrr.., how do I cope? Humm, how to not lose it and start to yell, start to swing; what is it I can do next? ? ? ? I am in a sticky situation and for some reason, I can't run really quickly, but at the same time, I have to figure out what to do.....next.....; what next; lots of things are possible for me.....can I get some help here with this problem?? It can turn out good, very good, so so and rottenest. How can it be solved with what is on my plate and different situations can be different as well, but what kinds of possible outcomes can be come up with for me in these different instances of different dellemmas, what are some ideas for me to go through the ways it can turn out for me when I am in this kind of problem??

1 way i use is to excuse myself and go to the wc, if i have no choice but to stay in the place, situation, it gives you time to calm yourself down, compose yourself, and come back out swinging.

[gardenergirl]

That's a tough situation. If I can't excuse myself as mellors suggested, I try to at least get a drink of water or something. Otherwise, try to take a few deep breaths. I haven't tried this myself, but I think those types of situations might be helped if you have a standard response when someone says something shocking or offensive. Maybe something like, "Well that's certainly an interesting statement!" or "Wow". ????

Not that I'd remember it, but it might help. It would at least buy you time.

gg

[SerenitysWave]

<font color="purple"> I excuse myself and call my husband... Hearing his voice calms me right down....

If I am not in a panic mode I will also just flat out tell the person that what they said has upset me and I am having difficultly handling the situation at that moment and that I need some time to process what they said and to let me have some alone time.... If what they said puts me into anxiety or panic I sometimes will tell that person exactly that and I will leave....

If I am already in that gotta run mode, I will do just that.... I will say I am leaving and go.....

Other ways for me to relax myself in a situation regardless if its public or not are:

*praying
*counting
*reciting a song
*I can also separate myself from myself (dissociate)
* Bite my nails
* visualize I am at the ocean
* hum

</font>

[Rhapsody]

I use a basic EMDR Method that my T taught me to help with crowd control.... starting with the left fist squeeze it ever so gently and then move the right fist and do the same.... REPEAT as often as needed going from left to right. This can be done with tapping the feet under a table as well or tapping the leg or knee.... always going left to right.

During the method - think good and calming thoughts while telling your self that you will OK - fine for the moment.


LoVe,
Rhapsody -

[JustAPixie]

That sounds like good advice... I am also stumped when it comes to calming myself invisibly amongst other people.

[LMo]

I do yoga breathing. Seems to help, to some degree. I also do a mental "body scan" to just check in with myself to see what my physical reactions are to the situation. Then I breathe my way through them.

music and relaxation tapes. I carry a walkman whereever I go and always have cassettes that I have recorded of my favorite CD's and my therapist and I also do relaxation visualizations during some of or sessions and we record them so I bring them with me too.

Journal writing - I always carry with me a notebook and something to write with no matter where I go. it comes in hand for running into a friend who needs my number, address, making appointments, or just those racing thoughts of mine.

[weather]

If I feel paniced or someone attacks me, I tend to go on the offensive. I try to play music in my head, songs that I have memorised. Visualising plan B or plan C. helps too.

[seeker1950]

The thing I KNOW I do when in a stressful situation is talk too much, trying to bring about understanding or compromise, but usually end up compromising myself. I'm going to try the techniques suggested here!
Patty

[(JD)]

Mindfulness helps with these situations, imo. Focus on breath, don't hold it. Also, realize that what you've heard are "just" words. I try to step back and look at what was said. Is it one person's opinion? Could it be heresay? How does it really affect me? Would it normally be a funny thing if I weren't feeling offended, meaning, can I laugh at myself?

I think working with recognizing the cognitive distortions (a highlight of CBT) prevents many upsets. Seeing things in black and white context, or catastrophizing never helps a situation, imo.