I was in the mental ward.. on my birthday.

My birthday was on June 19th, I turned 15, and you know what ? I was in the psych ward. Sleeping. The entire day. They drugged me up with sedatives and i don't remember much at all, except for eating a nasty plate of macaroni and then going back to sleep. On June 18th, I did something so stupid. I wasn't feeling suicidal. Honestly. But for some reason, I left school during school hours and walked for a bit. I decided I wanted to go buy something for myself. I couldn't find any good stores but I found the bus terminal downtown. I went in there and my anxiety levels were so high, I didn't know what was happening. I lost control. I was talking to myself out loud (something I do when I get anxious in public) and randomly laughing and then crying immediately after. This went on for a bit and the security officers at the bus terminal occasionally asked me what was wrong. I was irritable and I didn't know what to say. But for some stupid reason, I asked them where I could buy a rope. Yeah.. captain obvious much. My feet, my entire life, have always had a mind of their own. I find myself in places I don't need to be, and I end up causing trouble.

Where I was standing at the time, the second floor looks down onto the first floor. There is a railing and you can see way down to the first floor. It is quite a drop but probably wouldn't kill me unless I went head-first.
I'm a really impulsive person, and suddenly I found myself trying to leap over the railing. The security officers, two females, spontaneously acquired supersonic speed and strength, because less than a second later I was being thrown up against the wall and handcuffed. The police were called and I was taken to the hospital.

Despite my attempts to convince them that I am not suicidal, I was admitted. It was horrible. The next day was my birthday and I slept right through it.

I don't know why I'm posting this, maybe someone who reads this has a similar experience to share so I don't feel like my life is completely horrible. I don't know. Someone help me feel better about this

I think the decision to admit you was fair. It sounds like you, maybe, have an axis 1 disorder that you're unaware that you even have it.

Do you have care now? A psychiatrist? The availability of drugs that can actually help now is pretty amazing.

I'm sorry where you spent your birthday... but had you not been stopped, you might not have had another birthday... ever , and you're very young to know how everything will turn out and what can help you.

Good luck.

I'm so sorry you had such an awful experience. Being handcuffed when you needed support and empathy!

Gentle hugs to you (((((( bluebear9048 ))))))

what is an axis 1 disorder?

Acute conditions that need treatment.. examples might be depression, bipolar disorder and so forth.

Did they offer referrals to mental health resources after?

I'm glad you're still alive. Leaping over 2nd floor railings is certainly dangerous. I'm glad someone stopped you. Given all that you describe, I don't think the police had much choice other than to bring you to the hospital.

I hope staff at the hospital take a real interest in you and help you to express what all is causing you to be doing dangerous things. It sounds to me like you were trying to ask for help.

Food in hospitals can be pretty awful. I hope your next birthday is spent at home having cake. At the moment, something truly is wrong in your life. You deserve to have help with that. We're here to help anyway we can.

When I was young, I wandered around in a way the got me the attention of police and a trip to the psych hospital. Don't feel bad about it. In your own way you are seeking for a way out of feeling bad. At your age, it can be awfully hard to figure out how to do that. Keep talking to people, as you've done here.

Being in the hospital on your birthday really sucks, i've done it before.
The police really didn't have a choice but to bring you to the hospital, they had no way to know if you were or weren't suicidal. It certainly must have appeared you were.

Look at it this way, at least you were only in for mental health, you could have been in for mental health AND have broken bones if they had not stopped you.

When I was 16, I was thin, pimply faced, shy, alone and depressed much of the time. To pass the time , I would ride buses. I ended up at the train station and wandered about there and had the idea of simply jumping out in front of a train. I debated this with myself over a candy bar while sitting in the large waiting room. I had become emotional thinking about this. A voice in my head calmed me down and said in a non specific way as I could not hear the words, but the message was to not jump, things would get better, try to get control of your mind. Many years later, the train station has become a historic landmark and now incorporates buses, commuter trains, and subways. I am now 55 years old and walking pass the same seat in the waiting room. I see myself sitting there as a 16 year old, sobbing. I kneel down and talk to my 16 year old self and tell him in a loving fatherly way, to not jump. I have rescued many dogs and cats people have cast off. I have a loving wife that depends on me. I have gotten physically strong through my employemnt, I have a nice home and have much better control of my mind and intellect. I tell my 16 year old self, I speak from the future to be strong,that your life will touch so many others in a positive way. So I say to you, to be strong.....get control of your mind. Your life is not horrible. Your ability to write about this tells me you are intelligent. Good Luck and write again to tell us of your progress.

your actions were your bodys subconcious way of crying for help. it knows there is something going on that needs sorting out even if you are unaware of it, the Psych ward is the place for this to be identified. once identified many conditions can be successfully treated to a level where you can become a successful valued member of your community.
missing your birthday was not nice i agree, but without this treatment you could have done a lot worse and missed the rest of your life!
you need to be strong, this blip is only a part of you not the whole of you, keep a hold of the things you love about yourself, all the things you are good at and the nice things you do, these will help you re find yourself and give you the confidence to get through this and come out the other end.
take each day one at a time and be gentle with yourself xhugsx

Did the hospital help at all? medication, etc?

How are you doing now?

You could have ended up worse off, had someone not intervened...I mean if you had managed to jump off you probably still would have ended up in the hospital but with physical injuries as well.

I probably would not want to be handcuffed either, but I think I would prefer that to causing severe harm to myself or others.

I work in a psych ward for teenagers and your story is a familiar one to me. We get many teens who did something impulsive that would either cause harm to themselves or others, and then end up in the hospital. They usually stay for a few days or a week or two--whatever they need to stabilize and be safe. There are many who explain they are not suicidal and that their impulsive behavior was a one time thing. For some this is very true, for others, not at all. So the patients stay for a little while so we can get to know them, judge their risk to themselves and others, see if they have a psychiatric disorder, get them started on therapy and meds (if need be), etc. On their birthdays, we always have a cake, ice cream, and a little celebration. It sucks to be in the hospital on your birthday. I hope next year at this time you will be in better health and spirits. Are you able to have a post-hospital birthday celebration with friends and family? Good luck.