[alf0156]

I am hurting. i have 4 years of hurt and depresion bottled up and i don't want to let it out. from the outside you would think i am the happest person you ever met, but i am dieing on the inside, slowly beibng eaten alive.

[Bethsway]

Alf I think you just answered your problem...You don't want to let it out...but you know you have to...you have to let it out...so that you will stop the hurt inside...talk to someone...a therapist, psychiatrist, someone...please do this so that you can begin to heal inside....

[alisandria]

If you feel you cannot talk to someone, at least write it out. If you are afraid someone might find your "thoughts" destroy the piece of paper. Actually, sometimes writing and rippng up and throwing the paper is significance of throwing away those thoughts. Hope you can let it out, in some way...it's not healthy to keep it bottled all up. I'm a former bottler (I still have my moments when I do this) so I know how this can feel. You've come to the right place to feel comfortable enough to talk. Have you tried chat? The support chat can be great when members can help you through a tight spot or just hear you out anonymously. hugs, Lisa

[_skylin_]

you hav DEF come tto the rite plase, TRUTH. ((((HUGS)))) dont no yor story, but we are heer. and i hav had that feelng, as i'm sure othrs hav had.....bleeding inside and smiling outsside.
with you, if you ccant let it out THER in your owwn life....maybbe you can sstart bby lettng it out HEER.

sara

[desirae]

I know that feeling, it's time to discover the change you need to feel alive again, or you will continue to deteriote emotionally.

[Rhapsody]

Been there (many times over) - but I can say that I am now much better..... after letting it all out, rather it was from talking or writing all down on paper - it worked, try one of them today.

LoVe,
Rhapsody - ((( )))

[SeptemberMorn]

You've gotten some good advice, Alf. Listen to it.

I'm still here for you, ok?

[JustAPixie]

Sometimes we're afraid of letting it out because it's like reliving it all over again!!! I hope you can find the strenght to let it go, even if it's just a little piece at a time.

[tiger78]

I know how you feel because at my job no one would know that I was suicidial most of the time. However, in early August I broke down and just started crying. I went back on my meds and went promptly back to my therapist. Guess I wasn't cured when I stopped the meds previously was I??? Anyway the feelings you are having are terrible and they may cause you to self medicate - I did with DISASTEROUS RESULTS! So please try and be careful with any alcohol mixed with any meds. It is now 6 weeks later and with meds and therapy, I am so much better - not exactly happy - but able to to cope and deal. You have to get your feelings out in a safe way - please get a therapist. One note of caution - many friends and family will NOT understand your feelings and may not give you the coping skills you need to survive - so be careful who you confide in. And - if the first therapist does not succeed - try another one. Next idea - please try to eat. I lost 15 pounds in less than a month and the lack of nutrients and food in my body made my depression much worse. Try some soy shakes - they helped me physically. Depression does not discriminate or care if you are educated or successful....

[pamelasu]

Please find someone to talk to or even just writing it down in a journal would be better than nothing. It's not good to keep it all inside. I use to do that for 22 years and now I am forcing myself to let it all out because I had gotten to the point of suicide from holding everything in. It's not healthy to do that so now I go to therapy which helps me a lot. Doing a lot of online support groups as well will help too. Just hang in there and try to talk with someone! *hugs*

[tiger78]

Pamelasu is right.... get some of this toxic stuff out. and remember it takes time to heal... wonder why we are more patient with a sprained foot than we are with our "sprained Brains" - we have been told so many times to "snap out of it" that we believe we should be a quick fix. Talk to someone - talk to this board - give yourself permission to take the time you need to get better and know that things can get better... I am thinking about you and sending you my best thoughts and wishes and hugs also!!!!!!