whole lot of "stuff" going on

8:30PM and I'm taking my tired, achy, cranky body to bed.....

Oh dear Lizardlady, I've been avidly following your progress and I'm soo sorry to hear you are having a ''blip''. Hard as it really is, and yes I understand as I too am having a **** awful ''blip'' AND I miss my Mum big time, you will get through this hunny. We are here, to share the better times and def here to share the worst too and boy don't we all get them. How easy life would be without the bad times. Anyway love ~ do keep sharing for we ARE interested and we ARE here. You appear in my notifications so I know when a few words are needed. Let it be, don't fight it and HUGE FAT HUGS!!!!!

I went to the Blake Shelton concert Friday. I posted about it in the social forum. In terms of this thread....

I ended up giving extra ticket to a guy standing in line to buy a ticket. It was fun watching his reaction when I gave him the ticket. I walked along the line of people waiting to buy tickets asking if someone wanted a free ticket. He asked what had to happen for him to get a free ticket. I said, "I have to hand it to you." which I did and walked off.

I also came to a realization during the concert. I keep my redneck, country girl side buried at work. I work with a bunch of girly girls who look down on anyone not like them. I decided that this is who I am. If they don't like it they can go hang! I am who I am. I happen to like being outside rather than inside. I enjoy getting dirty working in the garden. I'm proud of the fact that I can fix things. I like wearing jeans, a t-shirt and a ballcap rather than dresses and heels.

Hi lizardlady and well done, just well done for deciding at last to be ''you'', not so easy it it sounds I know. I'd love to have seen the chaps face when you gave him that free ticket!! XXXXX

gotta wonder how many others were kicking themselves for not speaking up?

Good going!

New supervisor started today. On the plus side she has lots of clinical experience and seems likeable. We'll see what we see....

I hope she will be a good supervisor.

Hi lizard, well, a new broom sweeps clean as they say so lets hope she's all that the job requires and nice into the bargin! It is possible to have both those qualities. HUGS.

Boy howdy, I must've been tired last night! I don't remember posting this!

That's ok Liz, your entitled to be tired. Hey, you may end up liking this new person too Liz. Just smile at her and make her feel welcome, because remember, you "are a good soul" so shine some of that her way.

(((Hugs)))
OE

I'm sure with you on this......left all my "fancy" cloths in California when I left 6 years ago....& I haven't had the need to use them once. Even when I worked as an engineer with all the guys, I never dressed in dresses & heels.....always dressed in pants & cloths just like the guys.

Last time I ever remember having the desire to wear heels was in Junior High for graduation.......& never again.....I hate fingernail polish & if you mess with me feet for a pedicure....only thing you get is a kick. Hate long fingernails working around horses & animals & around the farm, they only break off anyway.....so WHY BOTHER.....I it definitely FEELS GOOD to not waste my time on makeup or any of the other useless things that seem to be what so many are interested in......besides....I am usually running so late, I wouldn't have the time to waste messing around with those things anyway........so me.....is just that....just plain me....you don't like it....not MY problem cause I do.....so I can really relate to how you feel. Luckily I never was around women that much & guys really didn't notice one way or the other.

I only had one sexist manager that commented on my review day that I really should dress more feminine.....I told him where he could take his comment.....& none of the other managers felt that way & he was just a jerk anyway that really didn't bother me because in reality, he wasn't important in terms of my career anyway.

Now that I'm living where I do, most of the women around me are exactly the way I am cause they all have their farms they are working on & we are all the back to nature people.

Have to admit, the only time I do dress in a skirt is when I go & enjoy my ballroom dancing....but then, I'm not doing the competition thing so I don't have to do all that bling clothing which I wouldn't be comfortable doing anyway....but I sure love the dancing (when I have a good leader to dance with).....that's probably the only feminine thing I truly enjoy in life.

Hope things are going ok with your new supervisor.....there is always that period of time when it's sort of in the "break in" mode....hope it will be ok in the end

Thanks Eskie. Helps to know I'm not alone!

I think I am going to like the new supervisor. We have some similar interests. She has a lot of clinical experience. She's open to learning from the folks who work for her. Most importantly, I feel like I can talk to her about things. We'll see how it goes.

in terms of the other "stuff"....

Callie's tumor is definitely growing. There is obvious swelling on her face. She hasn't told me she's ready to go yet so we are carrying on.

Al scared the poo out of me Thursday. I could not find him when I got up that morning. Spent 20 minutes trooping the property bellowing his name. Found him flat on hisw side in a clump of weeds in the yard. I thought he was dead at first. I was standing over him before I could see him breathing.

Am having a bad fibro flare this week. This is one of the times I am mentally able to let myself sit back and wait for it to pass.

A couple of nights this week I was stressed out with pain and fatigue when I got home from work. The extra demands of caring for Callie and Al got to me. I was able to give myself permission for be annoyed about it. Acknowledging I was tired and sore and less patient made it easier to cope. I fed both of them and went off to take care of myself. Then I went to them and gave them some extra loving.

Hi there again. Oh that was interesting what *Eskie* said, yeah, people should accept you as you are ~ warts 'n all or go hang! Lizard, glad things are sounding much better. I'm sorry there's a lot of concern for one of your animals, if not the two of them. It's soooo hard to know whats right by them, but obviously you know them very well and treat them accordingly. This is all so much better than that post you first wrote, when just about everything was difficult to cope with. Yes, I can see there are still various problems and serious concerns but I'm sure writing it all down as you originally did made such a difference. HUGS and do continue keeping us up to date. XXXXXXXXXXX

Am struggling with the whole accepting fibro thing today. This is day three of the most recent flare. I let myself rest Friday night, all day yesterday and still resting today. There doesn't seem to be an end in sight and I have to go back to work tomorrow. I'm sleeping 12+ hours per night the last couple of nights and am still exhausted. Getting 12 hours sleep on work days means I would have to go to bed before I leave work in the afternoon. Some how I don't see that happening.

(((liz))) I hope to live to see a cure for fibro. For you, for me, and for everyone else who suffers from this problem, it can't happen quickly enough!

I don't know what to say dear Lizard ~ so I'm gonna send you lots of hugs to carry you through! XXXXXXXXXXXXX HUGS.

This is stupid.... I keep pulling up this thread because I want to add to it about this last week. Then, once I get the box to type my message I can't think of what to say.

Very short version, it was a really rough week.

Hi Lizard and don't worry, I/we have time to wait until the words flow! And.................when they do they probably won't stop! HUGS. XXXX

I understand that, happens to me a lot.
You take care and I really hope this next week is an improvement. My mother used to tell me when things were bad, up was the only way left to go. Of course as a teen I had a lot of smart retorts for her.

Its nice to hear you like the new manager so far Liz. That was important for you.

Does taking a nice hot bath help the fibro at all? It is my impression the flair ups come with stress. I do know heat relaxes the body so that is why I asked you about taking hot baths.

I think it is fine that you need to vent in this thread once in a while. I have those times where I just want to vent too and try to start a thread and just can't come up with the words either.

((Hugs)))
OE

I spent all sorts of time typing out what's going on with me and it got eaten by gremlins. Nothing like struggling to write about being emotionally overwhelmed and having it vanish into the ether.

I'm not sure I have it in me to write about it again.....

OK Liz, you know you need to talk about this. Spit it out.

This Thursday will be the 4th anniversary of Mom's death. It's hitting me hard this year. Gawd knows why this year is any harder than other, but it is.

On top of that I got a phone call Thursday that a friend who has been fighting stage 4 cancer entered hospice. I visited her Friday. She was obviously close to the end. We've known this was going to happen. She's been in stage 4 for seven years now, but it's pulled the rug out from under me.

I'm withdrawing from the world. I'm not sure if this is ok or a bad thing. All my life I've kind of pulled into myself when life becomes overwhelming. My family used to say I was "charging my batteries." I'm not sure if I'm taking care of myself or isolating myself. This weekend I've avoided the phone for fear I would get the call that my friend died.

Thursday I attended a workshop about attachment problems in kids. The presenter talked about people who lack good attachments so they escape by reading, watching TV and movies, spending time online. Now I'm wondering if that's what I'm doing. I live alone. I escape into books, TV and the computer when I get home at night. Lately I've been feeling really lonely. There are times I ache to have someone to come home to at night. On the other hand, I like not having anyone dependent on me.

AAAAAAAAARRRRRRRRRRGGGGGGGGGHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!
My emotions are in a turmoil and I want it to end!

I am trying something new. I want to get back to keeping a journal, but am going to try drawing instead of writing. I bought a small sketch pad this week that I can carry with me. I'll let you know how it works.

Folks I could really use some hugs.

It's terrible that you have to go through all of that. Drawing/writing could be theraputic.

*sigh* no longer feeling overwhelmed.... I'm squashed flat.

Once again there's all sorts of stuff I think about posting, but am feeling like what's the point. I feel like y'all are tired of hearing me whinge. Heck, I'm tired of hearing me whinge.

Over the weekend I was feeling overwhelmed, Now it's like all my emotions have been drained out of me......

I'm not tired of you, no matter what you have to say.

Oh Liz, sorry to hear that, I can so relate! Hang in there!!!