[henrydavidtherobot]

Everything in my life is going very well except my love life. Its a joke and I'm sick of feeling that I am not capable of being liked. Everything else is going so well and I'm nice and intelligent and attractive and into things that the people I'm interested are into. How can I feel good about my life when I can never be good enough? Why are people so cruel to me and constantly abandoning me? It's weighing on me so heavy. I'm so horrendously depressed and cry all day. I'm afraid that I'm going to chase my friends away. I want to be happy, but I just cry all day and see no end in sight. Help

[tinyrabbit]

You're not unloveable. You just need to learn to love yourself and others will follow.

I can relate to that feeling. Every relationship I have the partner does not really love me. I just want to meet someone that loves me like I love them....but that's too much to ask. Loving myself is hard work so how can someone else love me?

[henrydavidtherobot]

Rabbit, I loved myself before and this happened. Over and over. How does begin to love themselves anyway.

[RLB82]

Be yourself and things fall into place. There is a pot for every lid.

[henrydavidtherobot]

I feel like I'm just a different person who people just don't like. There is some truth to it. I'm an INFJ.

[avlady]

henrydavid the robot Welcome!!!!!!!!Like others said as you probably know already, is to just be yourself, and people will accept you and respect you for being yourself instead of trying to be someone your not, if you are trying too hard to impress others, that is a bad thing. You need to love yourself first and things will go from there.

[henrydavidtherobot]

I'm not pretending to be anyone I'm not or impress anyone. How does one love themselves when no one else does is what I'm asking.

[healingme4me]

Originally Posted by avlady

henrydavid the robot Welcome!!!!!!!!Like others said as you probably know already, is to just be yourself, and people will accept you and respect you for being yourself instead of trying to be someone your not, if you are trying too hard to impress others, that is a bad thing. You need to love yourself first and things will go from there.

There's a 'catch' to that, however. Sometimes, one can be themselves, love themselves, love who they are. YET....where's the love back.

The single scene, for me, really baffling. It wasn't about trying to 'impress'. Three years, to land a date?! Three years?! Three years of focus on myself. Three years, of being myself. Three years?!

Oh sure, men flirt...where's the asking out? Where was it?!

[henrydavidtherobot]

Exactly healing. I feel like people who don't go through the constant rejection and meanness and loneliness think that it is easy for everyone. I was seeing a wonderful man and he got into a relationship when I was spending a month in Europe. How is it so easy for everyone else?

[A Red Panda]

HDtherobot:

I know how you feel. It doesn't mean that you're unloveable. I keep having relationships end where it turns out that... I'm just not worth the work or effort due to circumstances. Annoyingly, they always start the relationship and set the pace!

The point of loving ourselves is simple though... SOMEONE has to love us and it may as well be us for now, right? Sometimes I love myself because I remember that if no one else does... it just means that I don't know the right people. (of course, there are times when I think that thought is total BS!)

I tend to give off a not-interested vibe a lot. I don't mean to and usually I'm feeling the total opposite - I just know that I'm scared of rejection and I don't tend to think that anyone WOULD be interested in me, so I'd rather just meet people as friends. And I'll seem so confident and happy about things that no one would think that I wanted more from life.

I don't think that any of the above posters think that it's easy to love yourself. I think that they understand where you're coming from and are further along in their journies. The way that you speak about yourself in this thread makes it sound like you're feeling defeated and/or have given up: both which signal that you're not really loving yourself. It's the sense that I got from your posts anyway!

It really is all about just not having much luck and not meeting the right people that would click with us. I don't think it actually has anything at all to do with who you are.

And that man isn't a very wonderful man if he bailed while you were gone for a month. If anything, it sounds like he saved you a lot more heartache later cause if he's that fickle then he's probably likely to cheat

[sans]

Hello
This is just my idea, but i kinda am starting to think that loving yourself means: being ok with you, good and bad, and being ok with being alone....not always searching for someone to be with. Find things in your life that make you happy outside of a relationship, and things will eventually fall into place. Let go of the idea that you need someone in your life in order to be fulfilled.
Sans

[justmemaybe]

No one is unloveable. I do think we sometimes push ppl away. To test them.
I whole heartly agree with the one above me.
You have to be happy with you first. SOmetimes when you least expect it the right person comes along who will love you for you.
Love takes time. Its not something that happens over night.
Theres dates, first kiss., getting to know the person. Friends first.
I may have got alittle of track sorry.
Good luck to you.

[henrydavidtherobot]

They always find me too.i don't know where to begin loving myself when I haven't been acting like myself. I've been a ring out a lot lately. I feel like a gigantic joke.

[justmemaybe]

Have yo ubeen to the drs to see whats going on.

[henrydavidtherobot]

I went to my T today. Idk if it helped at all.

[JaeMae]

Originally Posted by henrydavidtherobot

I feel like I'm just a different person who people just don't like. There is some truth to it. I'm an INFJ.

I am an INFJ as well. I always see things in mine and others perspective. It is hard it seems at times but do not let your 'own' thoughts of what others think hinder the insight to the person you are. As long as you are comfortable being you then no one else should matter my friend. And if you are not comfortable with your inner self, then you are at a place now where you are and will loved and accepted. It is a start to learn more about your inner self and then perhaps that will lead to having a steady relationship with a partner who can see and feel your needs and fulfill them. Just remember that what the cat drags in he doesn't always eat. Be picky of who you really want to accept and love you. Think of it at analyzing someone who is an image of yourself. They will be the ones you will have no doubt about their love for you.

Hugs and smiles to you.

[henrydavidtherobot]

Yeah, I just hate never having someone to share my thoughts with. Being alone forever sounds kind of miserable.

[henrydavidtherobot]

I guess that it's hard because so many people have been so kind just to turn around and be cruel to me. I don't know how to be selective if I'm being fooled. I hate being young.

[JaeMae]

Originally Posted by henrydavidtherobot

I guess that it's hard because so many people have been so kind just to turn around and be cruel to me. I don't know how to be selective if I'm being fooled. I hate being young.

and sometimes that is the case. Think of it as 'weeding' out the bad weeds that would have only made you garden not grow. There is a place on here that is for singles to meet others. I bet you there might be a good chance you will find someone and if not maybe a life long friend. Sometimes it is just a friend we need to help lighten our load and to help us see things better so we may be better to our selves. Everything is going to be ok and being young is a good thing. Gives you plenty of time to learn not only on your own but from others as well. Give things time to fall into place. Sometimes when we rush around just to have our emotions pleased is when we least exspect the downfall and hurt that comes. Look at others and see things that you yourself would want from others and the qualities that would make you happy. Not every partner will be perfect so do leave room for little minor mistakes that we so often make.

[henrydavidtherobot]

I don't want to do an online relationship. I really appreciate every ones support and responses but I feel like everything is depressing me more. Why is this harder to me? How can I handle hurt after hurt? I'm exhausted.

[justmemaybe]

Originally Posted by henrydavidtherobot

Yeah, I just hate never having someone to share my thoughts with. Being alone forever sounds kind of miserable.

you wont be alone forever.... after this you said you were young. Give it time.
When you are meant to be with someone you will. It has to be the right person.
Dont settle for anything less. Remember waiting brings good things.

[henrydavidtherobot]

I know you're right. I'm just so angry at the unfairness. Why is it harder for me? Why do I have to wait for companionship when it's so accessible to everyone else? Why me?

[sonnenschein]

I'm an INFJ too! I feel your pain. And I like you

How can you love yourself when no-one else does? I struggle with that one too. Sometimes, it helps me to pretend that I'm just a friend of mine- for example, I hate myself for being dermatillomanic (? if that's the right word). But if a friend of mine told me he/she suffered from that disorder, I wouldn't love them less- I'd want to help and support them as best I could. So I try to treat myself like I would treat a close friend (the operative word in that sentence being "try").

What if a friend told you he/she was having trouble forming relationships and felt inadequate? Would you condemn them for it, or would you encourage them to try and feel better about themselves? Even if you don't like yourself, can you pretend to be your own friend long enough to help yourself?

Personally, I'm not in a relationship right now because I'm not okay. I'm struggling to deal with my self-esteem and a (expletive)-load of other things. I don't love myself as much as I should, but I respect myself enough to say that I need time to heal and find myself before I get back on the horse. And that I'm going to hold back on judging myself until I'm stable again.

Bottom line: You can still be a good person even if you aren't in a relationship and don't have masses of friends. The first order of business is to take care of yourself and establish a sense of self-worth independent of relationships. If things don't start working out after that, you can always ask your tp for advice.

Side note: If you're afraid you'll chase your friends away, that implies that you currently have some. Congrats!

[sonnenschein]

Addendum: I really, really don't think it's that easy for anyone. At least I haven't met anyone yet who honestly found dating and relationships a breeze.