The Stress of Poverty

I'm there with you. we have no car, no cable no computer only a straight talk phone my daughter and i share. We bought the phone on black friday for $35. We eat from a hot plate and toaster oven to avoid the gas bill
. My daughter just started getting tanf of $234 And she's enrolled in an intern program but she has to wait for acceptance. If approved she will make $7.20 an hr. In the mean time we have a $200 lot rent and a $237 trailer payment plus a $88 light bill. So we play the very stressful shuffle the money game. We can't afford laundry soap or toiletries. I just washed a load of laundry with some dish soap. Its beyond embarrassing to call my mom whi never lets me live anything down and ask for fem products when stress allows that to happen. I grew up poor but never like this. I feel trapped here with no car and we are far enough out the bus doesn't. run past five and that's 2 blocks away that i can't walk. I get medicaid but can't afford the co pays. We get foodstamps but rarely have a ride to the store so often have to eat from the conveinience store by the house and yes it becomes an obsession because its all u have. When i do go to the store i buy everything to cook from scratch. In fact on the list this month was 7 lbs of beans and 4lbs brown rice even though beans make me swell they are better than nothing. I'm getting ready to make a big batch of homemade refried beans and homemade tortilla shells to treat the kuds to bean burritos. I price match all store ads at walmart I get to have a tbone steak with my daughtet for my birthday. since a store had them for $3.99 a pound
Was able to find a one pound package of two. But i still felt guilty spending that much on meat for my bday. They had chicken thighs this month at a budget store for .84 a pound and pork roast $1.18 a pound and hamburger $1.77. That's what was on sale so that's what meat we eat for the month. I was trying to diet but no matter how i sliced it we just couldn't make it so now I'm doing just portion control. It is what it is
waiting on a hearing decision. God i pray. Again I've never been this poor
I don't even feel like myself anymore because i feel so helpless and desperate. And i think the hardest pill to swallow is all the people who i use to drive everywhere, who i loaned large amounts and even gave money too. They wouldn't so much as give me a ride to the store and avoid me like the plague. Yeah i feel lonely and I'm sure you do too. I hope things get better for everyone
I wish i could win the lottery and save us all but i can't afford a ticket anyhow.

First off, I am very sorry you are living in such an awful situation. My heart goes out to you.

I must say that I find this paragraph hard to support though...it sounds nice when you read it, but when things as are messed up as transientsoul has described, I don't see how one can look after themselves mentally, let alone "feel good" in any way when they are fighting just to hang in there. Plus, part of being mentally ill is often being unable to take care of yourself, no matter how much money you have...or don't have.

Ps I wanted to tell you that if you get some vinigar which you can buy on food stamps and a bottle of dawn dish liquid mix and bathe the pets in it it will keep fleas off of them.

Im not too good with articulating myself but what I mean is if you dont look after yourself in the first place then you are at a higher risk of being mentally ill too. For example, if I sat in my home all day, eating comfort food and avoiding the world, I am going to get more and more ill. I actually have to try really hard and push myself like mad to make a change in that behaviour to reduce the risks of getting lower.

You can get in a hole but the only way out is fighting your way out. It takes a lot of effort. Little changes day by day could make a HUGE difference to your life. I know just how hard it is to get out of the house and go for a walk but the benefits to your health over all are going to be worth the discomfort.

It just occured to me that perhaps this is just a vent on the OPs part and she may not be looking for answers or help so Im sorry if I have overstepped. My understanding of forums was to share your experiences to help and support others.

Frugal Living: Waste Less-Gain More!
There's tons of great tips in here on how to make the little money you have stretch, and stretch a long way. Sometimes it's as easy as just asking- got cable or internet and have had them for a long time? Ask for a loyalty discount. The worst that can happen is they say no.
There's also great ways of getting discounts on usually expensive things, and great recipes for cheap (things that also satisfy that emotional comfort eating that a lot of us know all too well.) While you're in the situation that you are, try to conform your emotional eating habits to eat something easier. I've gone from ice cream to fruit smoothies and it's so much healthier. A little more expensive, but worth it. A good smoothie will fill you up for hours, as much as a regular meal will. You can also toss in cheap vegetables for extra nutrition.

Thank you - from me and everyone else in this predicament. If you know anything about the relationship between food and your brain, you understand that -what- we eat, many times out of sheer desperation to make a dollar stretch, affects our thinking and our physical health as well. Take a moment to review the book "Change Your Brain, Change Your Life" by Dr. Daniel Amen. It's really very enlightening, however despite that, I can't afford all the recommended supplements and "eating right" according to what that and countless other books and nutritionists recommend for optimal physical and mental health. Believe me when I say, I wish I could.

Also, in Supanova's post - it is mentioned about how my choices can lead out of this situation just as they led me into it.

Yeah. I think I'm more than well aware of the F'd up choices I've made up to this point and more than wishing I hadn't, so thanks.

Widowlost,

Honey, if I knew you'd win the lottery, I'd mail you a dollar for a ticket!!

First off, good luck to your daughter. It's good that she's trying to make progress despite your situation, but wow, that wage is insulting even for an intern. May I ask where you guys live? Wage differentials between states astound me.

Misery loves company as the saying goes and while I'm certainly not glad to read about the situation you're in, it is good to know I'm not alone. As others have posted, I just can't believe that in our country which is supposed to be so fabulous and the "Land of Opportunity", that there are stories like ours. What happened? It's not as if we sat as pre-teens dreaming of the day we'd have to wash clothes out in a bucket and hang them on a rigged up clothesline in our ramshackle house to dry, right? It's frigging laughable to me when I hear the Powers That Be babbling on about the "middle class" this or that... Christ, I'd LOVE to be middle class. Right? Cry me a river about your middle class.

I just don't know. Something's got to give.

PS: About the fleas, yes I'd read about Dawn and figured vinegar would work because we've been putting it on our bites and when we have it on, we've noticed no fleas jump on our ankles. I'll give that a try. A dear friend is going to send me some flea treatment (advantix) next week. Thank God for friends eh? Now if I could figure out why one of the furballs has crapped in the bathtub 3 mornings in a row when the litter pan is clean in in plain sight!

PSS: I hear ya about having to swallow your pride and call mom for help. Are there any churches near you that might lend you a hand with non food stamp products?

SupaNova,

Please don't run away from this forum now thinking you did something inappropriate because you didn't. Your delivery was a bit rough, but I know you were trying to help.

First off, you're right about the choices myself and other people make. We already know that: It's why we cry and hide our faces in the first place. We understand or postulate that maybe if at a certain juncture, we'd have chosen something different, life would be roses and cream for us now. Or maybe it wouldn't. The point is, for most people who suffer mental illness, awareness of or a perception of ourselves as continual F-ups or failures is a recurring and vicious problem - one that we're more than aware exists, so to point out that we need to think positive and make the right choices is like well no **** John Madden.

You're also right about getting out from under your heavy thoughts, not wallowing and going for a walk or whatever it takes to get your mind off your own problems. That really, is one reason I joined PC. When I am able to give someone else here advice or even a pat on the back, it helps me. When I see others in my situation, it helps me. When I get a laugh or read someone else's laughable moments, it helps me. But that said, it's not the same as getting up, getting out and being in the real world. I know that and lots of others on this forum know that too. Sometimes it's just difficult for whatever reason to find motivation and sometimes the very medications people take to "help" are the reason. Myself, I'm going to look into helping to serve or prepare the meals at the church where I go to eat said meals. It will get me out of the house twice a week, and service to others is the best remedy I think.

Again, don't feel you did anything wrong. Just remember that everyone including you who comes to this forum is seeking something along with companionship. In a place where all kinds of mental conditions are flying around, it's very easy to write or "say" something the wrong way even if it wasn't intentional. Most people will forgive that and know in advance that nothing was meant to be callous or harmful.

I know your words were meant to care, so keep calm and carry on.

Myself, husband and live off $710.

Section 8 is not the projects so get on that list.
Look up Angel-food ministries alternatives. A month of food there costs $130 most sites accept EBT. Sign up for life link phone system.
For your cats call all the local vets and see about there clinic,
get heap next month
Medicaid has a non-emergency transportation application but you have to ask for the form but it takes forever to process.

Angel food has closed down for some reason. I don't really ever have a ride to go to the churches or pantries or I would see. I know there is a church that helps with cleaning supplies. I will be in heaven this week as its my birthday and when family asked what i wanted i said household stuff. I think I've learned a lot being so broke and id like to think if i come out of it I will be better for it. I won't let people take advantage, I will save for a rainy day and i will have a better understanding of desperation. I'm still greatful for what i do have and even though i stress and struggle God always seems to keep a roof over our heads.

You're speaking about applying for the "Housing Choice Voucher Program" and take it to a private house or apartment unit where a landlord is willing to accept payment from Sec. 8 in full or part for the amount of rent they charge. This is a lot different from "public housing". A landlord has to agree to have his property inspected to make sure it is all up to code per Section 8 standards and can be more difficult than you might think. It is a good idea however to at least apply. Here in Toledo though, the "waiting list" only opens so often. This is from their web page:

LMHA opens its HCV waiting list on an as needed basis. When LMHA determines that the list is to be opened, public notice of the opening will be made in the local newspaper and through such other media as determined necessary to reach potentially eligible households not otherwise likely to apply.

I don't get or read the "local newspaper" and whenever the list opens, I surely miss it. I would literally have to call once a month or something like that to see when they're going to open the list.

**Already applied for HEAP.
**Vets in our area, ha ha. None of them have "reduced clinics" or accept payment plans. I actually lucked into a very good vet last winter when my cat Tommy was ill. Since they were new they had coupons for office exams $15! Plus once I'd built up a little relationship with them and they saw not only that I paid them but how much I cared for Tommy, the one time they did let me "pay them when I get paid on Friday" but it wasn't like a little here, a little there. Sadly, I'm sure vets get ripped off all the time when they trust people.
** I already have an "Obama Phone". It sucks, breaks up and drops calls all the time... but it's free.
** Angel Food Ministries I will check out. Sounds like it might be a little complicated but I will look into it. The problem is that getting a "month's worth of food" doesn't last long with my 350+ pound son in the picture. I even have to hide food so he doesn't eat everything in the house.
** At this time I don't qualify for Medicaid - I have applied for this interim financial assistance while waiting on my SS decision, but from what I understand that can take nearly as long. Until then, I have my healthcare card through the county - it's not "insurance" but rather a collaborative of volunteer doctors that offer services free of charge. They even provide I think... a dozen bus trips free. The problem with that is, if it takes 2 busses to get to the office, then round trip, I've used 4 punches on the card. That would go quickly.

Anyhow thanks MM for all the suggestions.

I've been poor, and rich and poor and well off again... while there are stresses to each level, not having enough money for basics is much more stressful.

I'm glad you do use church pantries! You might ask for lower carb foods...ask them to ask their donators if they could provide. I say this because I am one of those who give to the Lord through the church pantry...and I like to buy things that the people enjoy and need. It's tough enough being poor and hungry, but to have to eat only what it cheap or available adds another level of difficulty.

Thank you JD. I am glad you are one of the many who provide to the pantries in your location. However, I am not really about to try and suggest how they might do a better job. The food that's given through pantries isn't intended to be mainstay you know, it's designed as a supplement. As such, if I get a loaf of white bread and a bag of white rice, it might be bad for me as a diabetic and bad in general because of white carbs - however if it is supplementing say, a beef roast I already have, then it's far better right?

The problem arises when there's nothing else to put the rice and bread with... and that's not the pantry's fault. It's mine or the government food stamp allowance amount, whichever you'd care to blame. Either way, I'm not about to tell someone who's already being generous and loving toward me that I know a better way to do the job.

Bless you TS, I really hope that your allowance hurries up for you. You have so much to cope with. Life can be damn hard. Its wonderful you take the help you can, keep doing so and Im sending kindest wishes that things ease up for you and your son and kitties. May some good come your way pronto!

I will certainly try to be more aware of what to give to food pantries in the future. I hadn't even thought about dietary issues. So sorry.

Hope you can get some help soon and be able to get out of this situation.

It was hard reading your post because your situation sounds very similar to my own. We, too, are living at poverty level. My mom makes about $100 a week on average, I make only about $60. Rent is $350. Math and... yeah. She and I live together and we, too, can be harsh to each other. I think it's the stress of being in our situation. Often we're told to be grateful we don't live in a third world country. Or to realize others have it worse. That isn't fair. Just because others have it worse, doesn't mean it isn't hard for us, too. It doesn't mean we don't think about those who have it worse (in fact, it is one of my triggers as thinking people have it worse than me depresses me greatly).

Food stamps can be hard to balance... You end up buying cheap things. Things full of carbs. Boxed foods made with corn syrup. I hate that people judge you for that. I hate that they do. I understand why you have to. Because we have to, too. I haven't been wanting to eat because of it. I'm the opposite of your son in that respect. We have pets, too. We got them all *before* it happened. People judge us sometimes. But pets are for life. Besides, I'm not sure either of us would still be here if not for them. We do have to get help taking care of them occasionally. I have an online friend. She loves animals. She often sends food for them. Bless her heart...

My point in all of this is that... I understand. I know our situations aren't exactly the same, but I wanted you to know that you're not alone. Your words could have just as easily been written by my own mother and that struck a cord in me.

I really get where you're coming from with this line. Money may not buy total happiness, but I'd rather be unhappy knowing with 100% certainty I will have a home next week.

Have you applied for SNAP? I assume you have, but you don't mention it but maybe I missed it? But If th at is the whole of your income for two people I am pretty sure you would actually be eligible for the entire amount.

We get SNAP. $354/mo = $34 per person, per week. Not a lot.

Thanks for the reply BronzeOwl. You might get a chuckle to know I was going to address you by your forum name initials as such, but that made B.O. and then I was going to use BOwl, but that is the word Bowl.... so hey, here we are.

When I think of others in places and situations that have it worse than me, does it make me feel better? No of course not and like you, it may actually make me feel worse both for them and because I say to myself that I have no right to complain. Sometimes that self admonishing helps, really, but yeah, sometimes it doesn't. Sometimes, more often than not I find myself saying you know, I'm not asking to have a million dollar mansion with 3 Bentley's in the driveway. I'm not asking to even have a frigging Lexus in the driveway!! But when like tonight it is a warm summer dusk falling and I drive through a moderately nice neighborhood, I see a split-level early 80's house and think, see... I'd be happy with that, just that, and money enough to pay my obligations relatively on time. That's it.

Isn't that the American Dream?

What happened to the American Dream? Ask the politicians, ask the powers-that-be, ask the frigging gypsy fortune teller in the arcade for all I care. Poverty is hard. In some ways, it's supposed to be motivationally hard. Hey if it was easy, a lot of people would choose it - and there are many, including myself at times that argue in our country that is exactly what's happening. There needs to be more I don't know, regulation or inspection of who's getting what and if they really should be getting it. For instance the baby mama who keeps cranking out kids to be on the system: Should she get more food stamps than me, if I am disabled and can't work and that has been medically verified? Shouldn't it be, hey, we pay for 2 kids, period, that's it. Done. I think so, but they don't ask me to sit on the committee. Anyway, that's another rant altogether. Just sayin.

A better subject? My pets - particularly the little darling in my signature, are my life. Without them well... I would have no excuse to stay physically, mentally or otherwise. I would feel no obligation to anything or anyone, and while sometimes that is absolutely what I want - on the other hand if it saves me from slicing my throat open or who knows what, then it's probably a good thing I have pets. They are my "well behaved children" ( Except for today?!) and I love them dearly. I have friends that help me with them too and organizations, and my appreciation for them is boundless.

Good luck to you bowl. (lol) and thanks for stopping by my thread here. It's been a long hard day. (Flea wars, and my other little darling peed on my bed!) so it's nice to see there is yet another person in the crowd that can identify. Misery loves company you know.

Well I had a rather lengthy reply that my browser somehow lost. I'm sorry that you're in this situation. Tuna, beans (which can be made to taste like anything you like) and eggs are excellent sources of protein.

I too have lived many areas of the financial spectrum. There have been times when I would have loved to have $30 a week per person to feed my family. Cooking from scratch is the only way to do it. If you're diabetic, I'm sure that you are aware that not all carbs are bad.

I am sorry to hear of your son's issues. Since he has been dx there are services out there available to assist in his care.

I'm really sorry to hear of your situation. I'm in the UK and here the government has been cutting help for the poorest by reducing benefits and stopping a social fund, and living costs are rising really fast and wages haven't been rising in line with them (that is not for the working class). Many people are now reliant on food banks - which is a big change for here- I don't know a great deal about the way things are in the US but it looks as if what's been happening in your country, is now happening in this country.

I really can relate to problems of issues with mental health, having experienced this myself, because its a whole different dynamic when you've got them - and although people think that there's help often that involves drugs or therapy, and if there's any biological, physical or chemical cause then that is likely to get missed and so the problem goes on.

I also have a weight problem and am diabetic so I share your frustration over the carb issue - although at the moment I am not on as low an income - but I am very interested in learning how to manage on a very tight budget through cooking beans and rice in bulk etc because it could be very likely that I'll have to do this in the future.

I also take an antipsychotic medication which makes me hungry!!!

As so many people seem to be falling in this poverty situation I'm wondering if an encouragement thread would be really good somewhere here?? It could be a place to share ideas, support, encourage and be there for each other.

I'm really sorry to hear about these issues happening to so many people in the states. I am American myself but I used my european passport to get out of there when I was 23. Now, 32 I live in France and even though I am currently unemployed and not French, I enjoy all the benefits of any French person, the main of which is housing aid. According to a person's income or lack thereof a person can get all of their rent paid and or pay a very minimal amount. Everyone I know gets this and for me it makes it so I pay 50 euro a month for my 600 euro two-bedroom apt. I don't have to worry at all about health care and here the unhealthy food is actually more expernsive than the healthy stuff so my food stamps go a longer way by buying fruits and veggies and cheese and yogurt and legumes, etc than pastries or frozen stuff. That is not to say no one is struggling, it is still tight at the end of the month for all of us single mommies. Also, the isolation of not having people really understand. I am thankful though that nobody here judges. Yes, they don't particularly like all foreigners, but peope who are struggling are seen as a good source of gov't funding, as opposed to throwing it away on pointless wars. More money is still kept in the country, although that may change soon and I am sure France is not far behind the UK in cutting back on things. That said, I would be terrified going back to the states now because I really don't know if I could survive, but I hope soon people like us unite to change things.

Are there food banks you can go to--soup kitchens? Hugs and Love

I live in poverty. I can totally relate to you. Between my SSDI check and my 200.00 per month job I have almost nothing left after bills are paid every month. My heart goes out to you and your son.

it took me a good long time to work up the nerve to read this thread, and it just kept growing ~! i will just remain numb for a while, now...

i grew up "poor", we had no running water, my mother sometimes made our school clothes out of the cheapest cloth... we rarely had store-bought anything, including food. as a worker, i learned to live on low wages, because i wanted meaningful jobs. but i never knew poverty 'til i acquired a brain chemistry disorder.

the loss of abilities to cope, to strive, to endeavor, to improvise, to repay, to just get up out of bed,,, those are the basis of a poverty far deeper than the lack of money and social status. here i am, alone at home, eating my home equity, injuring myself to get groceries on the little disabled bus, paying more than i have to spare for the ride.... and i'm happier than i have ever been.

it is not necessary to be miserable in misery. at some point a person might stumble onto the way of being happy despite having little to point to other than a surfeit of troubles. this is not as easy as buying a lottery ticket and losing. it does require a deep burning desire to stop being miserable, no matter what the external or internal circumstances are.

i languished in misery for decades, unable to believe there was any way out other than death. i wished for death constantly. it never came, it avoided me, it eluded me... finally, with no other option, i gave up. i accepted that i am damaged, fundamentally, but perhaps not irrevocably. yes, i am poor, my body is failing to function, i am struggling to hold my ground and not deteriorate physically and financially, and not succeeding very well, ok, failing.

but, i have found ways to accept my self, my life, my challenges, my failures. i have found that i am not a body, but that i HAVE a body, and the me that is important is entirely in my care. if i fail to care for my spiritual well-being, then i am miserable and responsible for it. if i practice the things i know lead to peacefulness and calm, then i have the resources i need to make my life bearable, and more, a treasure.

poverty and disability have been my best friends. they forced me to find a way to be free of wanting, and hating, and hurting. any of you who have such friends, i hope will find a way to be free of material misery. perhaps you will gain materially, but i hope more that you find spiritual sanctuary and refuge.

i hope this message is worded carefully enough not to be offensive to anyone.
i hope that each person who suffers finds a way to peace and sufficiency.
i hope that every challenge is met with dignity and calm, as much as possible.

i hope each one reaches the depths of understanding that is true wealth.
Gus