honesty, goodness, genuinity

TRIGGERING

Is there really anybody else who is genuine in love, truth, compassion, empathy, and sympathy? I am seeing now all the people who lie about their true character. Somebody who plays the good guy who really isn't. I am seriously doubting there is anybody else who can honestly say they have unconditional love for someone besides themselves. And who is not a constant hypocrite in morals and ethics.

I'm not sure if what you're asking is, is there any genuinly good people out there. Or is there any honestly genuine people there. I can say for me, that I for sure am not genuine or honest. I doubt that I could ever love anybody very well. I feel very little empathy. I rarely feel any sort of compassion toward anything.

both I guess. and WHY? what do people gain?

I can fully relate to how you feel - I am unable to rebuild myself after recently being f****d over by the love of my life.

That said, my rational mind says to me that there ARE such men, yes. Just never settle for anything less!

This has nothing to do with men. I mean men and woman alike. All people.

Ah. I misunderstood the "good guy" then.

oops sorry should have read over that

not clear on what you are asking... but here goes
I don't think "unconditional love" exists....

Of course there are. No one, no matter who, is perfect, we have basic biological instinct for self-preservation which can at times overtake the higher functioning emotions. But humanity has the capacity to do the near miraculous, as well, alas, great evil. I believe it may be a matter of perspective. A year ago, I hated everyone and everything, I was crushed and saw no light in the world. My experience changed me profoundly, I came to realize that there are so many caring people, and so much beauty in the world. I just had to choose to see it, and embrace it as a fundamental truth. Honestly, it was a real paradigm shift from where I was for years. Even now, I recognize that my childhood of abuse was rough, a raw deal I didn't deserve. And I am very bitter about that. But it no way means I can't embrace the light.

I have come from the opposite. I saw good in everybody. assumed they were all innocent in mistakes as my first judgment when hearing a story. believing outward appearances and talk about how they value things and live their lives. I was very sheltered and naïve. Although I have seen the unfortunate truth that not everybody is that way for many years now, it seems to me now that there is nobody like that in their core. I mean beyond singular acts. why all the deceit?

Gain of what exactly? It isn't necessarily a decision. For instance, the fact that I will probably never fully love anyone isn't because I don't want to. I still remember dreaming as a child that some day I'd have the permission to love somebody. Since then I've learned, that my way of caring, protecting myself and others, loving and doing pretty much anything is such that the whole concept of love would have to be remade. Or the fact that I' not honest. It isn't to hurt anybody, it is to protect me. I want to keep me as a secret, I don't know why, or how, but I tend to lie a lot. I can never be very honest because nobody wants to hear my truth.

Hello,

I'm guessing from your username that you are going through an awful time right now. Depression can make everything look black like having a black cloud over you, you won't see the sun peeping behind it. And if you are being abused by another person, that would cloud your view for sure...

Are there people who are genuine, truthful, compassionate and empathic? Absolutely! People who want to help just because it helps someone else, yep!

Sending hugs your way >>>>

No. this has nothing to do with my husband. I really am talking about everybody. But how do you really know that Pegasus? How do you know that there are those out there who are not hypocrites apart from the once in while moments that are unavoidable? How do you know that there are those who are not major deceivers? This is also not just based on feeling or I would be asking how to deal with the feelings.

Deceiving is human. You do know that? It isn't possible to know anything about anybody for sure. It's all guessing. And all we can do is hope our guess is right.

yes I do, but to the point that it seems most people take it? I can understand little white lies to not hurt another or to protect yourself. But what about saying you would never be like, or do, or are disgusted by, or whatever, to everybody and all the time, and then go and act the opposite? An example would be saying how you hate stealing, nobody should steal, there's no excuse for it, etc. having people really believe that about you, but then you go and nip some food or cash at the gas station you work at, or you take the money you saw somebody leave by accident when you can catch them. This is just one example of what i'm trying to get across and I don't think it's a very good one. I guess making "everybody" believe you are of one character, when you are of another. Why do people not care for others as well? Why do they do things that can hurt those they "love" if they really love them (when it is not a difficult situation)? and why the general disregard for other people at all?

Hmm... and why are the sweeping statements?

Something surely has brought this on.

For one, it would be impossible for 'everyone' to be dishonest, bad, unsympathetic etc. Sure there are people out there that are yucky, that are deceptive and don't have an ounce of sympathy for anyone else.

But look at this website for example, it's a non profit forum run solely for people like us that want support. Entirely genuine. Run by a genuine guy with a bunch of volunteers that do the unpaid job because they want to help and support others. They have empathy that cannot be denied. That's one bit of evidence you can see right in front of you.

Wait. Just because somebody doesn't get paid, doesn't mean what they're doing is genuine.

Just because someone is "empathetic" on this site doesn't mean that they aren't following along to fit in, or look better.

There are technicalities and flukes in every situation. We are all human beings. Imperfect.

I personally believe that most of us in the world are decent people. However, we all make mistakes sometimes. Sometimes, we fall for people with bad intentions & mistakenly follow their cause in life. Most of us "snap out of it" and realize that we were taken advantage of. But, these are still minor occurrences in life. Most of us (I have to believe) strive to simply be good people and do our best...because that is what we want from life.

Going through life believing that even good things done (by others) is only done for selfish, unkind reasons sounds like an awfully hard life to live. What would be that person's motivation to be a decent human being themselves?? That thought pattern sounds as though it's justifying negative behavior for the person thinking along those lines.

Just my personal opinion....

I have made many mistakes in the past and realize that it really comes down to you. I am doing my best to remember who I am and can be at my core while at the same time dealing with baggage that may take a while to sort out and put away. At times, it's a matter of getting your emotional state and your logical reason to line up. Much more easy to see than do, I know. It's not impossible though.

So you really believe the majority of people aren't liars and deceiving? What about in marriage? Most woman don't know what most men say. Again this is just another example.

Everyone lies at some time, many times. Not many saints among us. We are imperfect. That doesn't make us bad. Lying can be just about self-preservation. An extremely extreme example, consider how some Jewish people survived the Holocaust by passing as "Aryan" (hateful Nazi term), using false documents and altering their appearances. Lying, yes, purposeful, yes, vital to their survival, yes. A response to evil, absolutely. It makes those people heroes and survivors and righteous and awfully damned brave in my opinion.

Men? Not sure what you mean by most women not knowing what we say? I think lying is equal opportunity in any marriage, it shouldn't be about the lies, but about the ability to overlook, move on, and love deeply despite the flaws.

I refuse to live my life looking for the bad in people anymore. Been there, done that, it is a cold and desolate place based on all of the negative emotions. Not to get uber religious, but I believe God, or the Gods, or the Universe or whatever deity or force is believed in, gave us the capacity for joy as well as pain, and free will to choose. I also believe that higher power absolutely wants us to choose the path of light. Valerie Harper said something pretty important to me this morning on GMA - in a nutshell, if you spend your time looking for/at the bad, you miss out in the beauty of all of the good.

It is hard, in my own fight against PTSD I struggle with this, but I refuse to acknowledge only the darkness any more. I have been blessed to have had some wonderful people come to my comfort and support in the past year, especially a couple of fine young men who have been my personal trainers at my gym, who went so far beyond just doing their jobs it has touched my heart in a way I never imagined possible. The type of young guys who are me realize humanity has a bright future if only we aspire to the good.

I used to think like that but after all I've learned all I've found out, I don't think I can name one person who isn't untrustworthy in some way and the more I learn about the world the more I am dissappointed in the hidden hypocrisy. That's the thing that really irks me is that people pretend they don't know.