honesty, goodness, genuinity

avlady · Sep 07, 2013, 09:38 AM

People grow and change for the better alot of the time too. we all learn from our experiences, if we're doing bad things that affect others, hypocritically, these people can still change for the better too through their experiences, what goes around comes around right back at them. That is just one way of how we learn to decide to do the right things instead of making the bad decisions.

ocdwifeofsociopath · Sep 07, 2013, 11:36 AM

Thank you all. I feel much better about wether or not people even care to try anymore. I still find it sad though that I have yet to meet a single person (in person) that I have trusted enough to confide a little in that has not turned around and either used it to hurt me or stayed how they originally appeared. Must be my area...*shrug*

lizardlady · Sep 07, 2013, 12:35 PM

Wow! Lots of great responses! I'm not sure I can remember everything said in order to respond.

To ocdwifeofsociopath, I don't believe human beings are able to love unconditionally 100% of the time. I know another poster said the same. However, I do believe there are good, kind, caring people in the world.

That belief is a fundamental part of who I am. If I believed that people were inherently evil, mean and cruel I would never get out of bed and face the world. Do I believe that there are cruel, self-centered abusive people in the world? Heck yes! Lived a major part of my life with them. In the depths of depression and PTSD-like symptoms I came to believe most people were self-centered and cruel, but I still believed that there were a few caring people in the world. That was one of the things that helped me heal.

Today I seek out people who are kind and caring. Yes, there are still people out there who seem to enjoy spreading pain. I chose not to expose myself to them for my own selfprotection.

Someone said that if a person says they are kind and caring they are bragging. I would respectfully disagree. Yes, there are people who go around bragging on themselves about how good they are. I agree that some of those folks are hypocrites. But I also believe a person can describe themself as kind and caring and not be bragging. I try to be kind, caring and genuine with people. Am I always successful? Heck no! I'm human. I amke mistakes. I do things I wish I could take back after the fact. A poster emntioned black and white thinking. humans are not all of any one thing thing. We are a mix of both good and not good traits.

-jimi- · Sep 07, 2013, 01:02 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by JosieTheGirl

Is it always bragging when a person states what they believe to be fact about themselves? Stating something positives about yourself does not automatically equal bragging.

Of course they might state the truth. But like 9 out of 10 that I met who went like "My name is NN and I'm a caring and very warm person" have not been especially nice.

I guess they try to make a good first impression.

Fiddler · Sep 08, 2013, 08:43 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by JosieTheGirl

That's true...

But how would you truly know the difference in "the real world"?

And for that matter, why would it stand to be all that important?

If someone saves a puppy or works at a shelter or contributes money for a charitable cause, is their motive terribly important?

If they listen to a story and offer help or resources or simply an "ear", is it important why they are doing it if their motive does not ultimately cause harm?

If so, why is that?

A good deal of society is run the way it is because of laws, not because it is a moral imperitive to stop at a red light, but because it is for the greater good that we follow traffic signals- ultimately we hope to avoid collisions.

And not all people make the higher level logical thinking when they stop at the light- many just think "CRAP I don't want to get a ticket!"

So I guess...
My point is:

I know that when I listen to someone and try to help and offer solutions or point to resources, or give ideas, or whatever it is we talk about... I do that because I like helping people. I genuinely do; it is kind of my thing. ...I kind of just feel like it's what I'm supposed to do a lot of the time. [oh no, am I bragging?]

*shrug*

But, no one can actually know that about me?
No one can know why I'm here, why I talk to people, my motives, whether I'm actually a "good" person or not.

Ultimately, if I end up being a positive influence though, with no negative consequences, what is the actual difference?

Of course it matters, because it sure shows. I know it in real world. I don't need kindly words, encouragement or favors to be done for me. So if you don't mean it don't do it. If you have nothing true to say don't say anything. Nobody can "lend me an ear" without actually doing so, and whenever somebody tries to, I feel disgusted by their pretense. I too don't do such things to others. Many think I am lacking something, that I don't know good manners, but it is my morals that tell me not to tell lies to other people just because "here you're supposed to say........"

-jimi- · Sep 08, 2013, 09:26 AM

I have being lucky enough to have met some people who seem genuine and caring. That doesn't mean it's a smooth ride. I can't fully understand them and they can't fully understand me.

About lies... I often forget lying is an option. So I end up in situations which turn bad because someone is lying about me and I don't have the smarts to lie about them. I have been targeted as a bad person many times because of this. I'm a very easy victim because of this. Still, I can't fix it! I seem to be unable to create lies. When I lie it is to my folks, when they call and ask how I am and I say alright no matter what stuff I'm going through. I think that lie works because it is so well rehearsed.

healingme4me · Sep 08, 2013, 11:29 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by ocdwifeofsociopath

Thank you all. I feel much better about wether or not people even care to try anymore. I still find it sad though that I have yet to meet a single person (in person) that I have trusted enough to confide a little in that has not turned around and either used it to hurt me or stayed how they originally appeared. Must be my area...*shrug*

I made this one friend, through work, she and I used to work together, until my transfer to another location. She and I have remained friends. Like a diamond, in the rough, to come across someone who lacks pretentions. She's a tough cookie, yet, she's honest and true to who she is. It's rare to find friends like this.

For me, learning to trust, is far reaching. Something, that I slowly do. I am reserved, in who I tell what, etc.

I wish, I could spend more time, with her. But, we are both busy with our own families and lives.

Some other people, I share a little more, each time. Otherwise, I will remain, reserved, polite, but not extending that level of vulnerability that leaves me open to hurt.

Maybe, I learned young, the two sides to people. Sorry, the people in your real life, have hurt you

Citrine · Sep 09, 2013, 08:40 AM

I said something like this in a recent post and it was misinterpreted. I know the feeling. I see it alot. NOT ON HERE I state it now, please note..NOT on this site. It is perhaps the circumstances I am in, where I am I have no clue but I see alot of insincerity, alot of unkindness. I have a friend who unlike me is as tough as iron, she is kind and sensitive but has no time for disorders of the mind shall I say that may lead her to be unusually sensitive to others mean sides, unyet, she says society seems to have a pervading virus that is making people selfish and unkind and mindless, like never before.

tealBumblebee · Sep 09, 2013, 08:38 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by ocdwifeofsociopath

TRIGGERING

Is there really anybody else who is genuine in love, truth, compassion, empathy, and sympathy? I am seeing now all the people who lie about their true character. Somebody who plays the good guy who really isn't. I am seriously doubting there is anybody else who can honestly say they have unconditional love for someone besides themselves. And who is not a constant hypocrite in morals and ethics.

I don't think anyone is completely genuine in love, truth, compassion, empathy and sympathy. Period. There are people who strive to do these things - but no one is perfect.

I strive to be genuine in truth, but its because I used to be a compulsive liar. T, my friends, anyone who knows me will tell you i'm honest - but this doesn't always benefit me, so I can see why others wouldn't be. Genuine compassion, empathy and sympathy is hard to offer to an extent due to excess manipulation by fellow mankind. And love, well I'm still figuring that one out. I don't hate anyone, but I couldn't be sure that I love everyone. No one is perfect, but I bet if you search hard enough you can find people who daily work on striving to be the best most genuinely loving honest compassionate empathetic and sympathetic people their personality and surrounding world will allow.

ocdwifeofsociopath · Sep 10, 2013, 03:09 PM

yeah, it's just too bad that the amount of deceit is so great person to person. Gossip, misleading, lies, back stabbing. I'd expect it from lots, but not most....and unfortunately much of it you aren't aware of because it is behind your back.

raphael4 · Sep 10, 2013, 08:45 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by ocdwifeofsociopath

TRIGGERING

Is there really anybody else who is genuine in love, truth, compassion, empathy, and sympathy? I am seeing now all the people who lie about their true character. Somebody who plays the good guy who really isn't. I am seriously doubting there is anybody else who can honestly say they have unconditional love for someone besides themselves. And who is not a constant hypocrite in morals and ethics.

Let me see if I can help place some perspective on this issue. Lets face it we live in a world of deception. So let me show you a well known example of how deception works. You don't have be religious to see the point.

In the bible Jesus was speaking to his disciples about this very thing, a flaw of human nature. After he finished speaking Peter spoke up and said that he would never deny him. Jesus replied " Simon, Simon this I say to you. Before the cock crows you will have denied me three times. And if you know the story then you know that he did, in fact deny him three times by morning.

My point here is that Peter believed he was telling the truth. So was he being truthful, I believe so. However, deception is something that can be used against us all even to the point of us deceiving ourselves. It's the world we live in...but just remember all people are basically good or at least have the potential for it. Learning to be truthful to oneself is very difficult, but I believe that is why we are here.

I will leave you with this:

"Do not pray for an easy life, pray for the strength to endure a difficult one."

Spoken by Bruce Lee

Citrine · Sep 11, 2013, 07:59 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by ocdwifeofsociopath

yeah, it's just too bad that the amount of deceit is so great person to person. Gossip, misleading, lies, back stabbing. I'd expect it from lots, but not most....and unfortunately much of it you aren't aware of because it is behind your back.

yes, no one is perfect, im not! theres so much of what you mention going on. People seem to be getting worse, thinking they can get away with more, lie more, mislead more, let down more, turn a blind eye more, let people down...more. Almost as though their conscience is disappearing. I think its lack of spirituality mainly.

H3rmit · Sep 11, 2013, 08:42 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by ocdwifeofsociopath

How do you know that there are those out there who are not hypocrites apart from the once in while moments that are unavoidable? How do you know that there are those who are not major deceivers?

I know, because I am such a person and married one.

But the thing is, in superficial social situations, to be open and honest is not permitted. One is expected to play a role, which I do not consider deception but social lubrication. However, many people get lost in this, considering it the fundamental reality. Those of us who suck at roles (autism spectrum) are less likely to get transfixed in that way. In my case, that describes myself and my husband. I have also had a non-AS friend or two who are very genuine as well. It takes time to feel it out and pay attention to your doubts and judgments about them. And never let things slide. If there is an uncomfortable twinge, trust it. Some people don't produce those twinges ever. Some people are unwaveringly loving. It does not mean they can never put themselves first, but they will be honest if asked. No twinges.

Edit: I am not claiming to be kind and caring WITH EVERYONE. Sometimes I don't care. Sometimes I think people are a waste of space and wish they were the first ones out of the lifeboat.

Douglas MacNeill · Sep 11, 2013, 10:51 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by ocdwifeofsociopath

TRIGGERING

Is there really anybody else who is genuine in love, truth, compassion, empathy, and sympathy? I am seeing now all the people who lie about their true character. Somebody who plays the good guy who really isn't. I am seriously doubting there is anybody else who can honestly say they have unconditional love for someone besides themselves. And who is not a constant hypocrite in morals and ethics.

ocdwifeofsociopath, there's something strange about the idea you're
proposing: All any of us can do is try to be the good guy (or good gal, as
appropriate). And fall short. And get back on our feet. And make amends
to anyone whom we harmed. And try again.
Fluctuat nec mergitur (It is tossed the waves but does not sink), as the motto of Paris says.
Or, to use the Japanese proverb: Nanakorobi, yaoki (Fall down seven times, stand up eight.)

ocdwifeofsociopath · Sep 11, 2013, 02:27 PM

Douglas, that is what I would expect from most, but it has lately come to my attention that I might be wrong and rather than making amends, and trying to be good, there is a large lack in concern for consequences and others feelings.

Gus1234U · Sep 12, 2013, 12:29 PM

when comparing oneself to others, there will always be some who are better and some who are lesser,,, the true course of action is to be mindful of oneself, and leave others alone. that being said,,, i know it's easier said than done~!

it takes all kinds~

Nafs · Sep 12, 2013, 02:07 PM

I consider myself a good person most of the time but it is exhausting trying to live up to that title. I resent others who just live their lives not caring about what the right thing to do is. Or it might be that I am jealous of them.

Sep 17, 2013, 05:15 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by tealBumblebee

I don't think anyone is completely genuine in love, truth, compassion, empathy and sympathy. Period. There are people who strive to do these things - but no one is perfect.

I strive to be genuine in truth, but its because I used to be a compulsive liar. T, my friends, anyone who knows me will tell you i'm honest - but this doesn't always benefit me, so I can see why others wouldn't be. Genuine compassion, empathy and sympathy is hard to offer to an extent due to excess manipulation by fellow mankind. And love, well I'm still figuring that one out. I don't hate anyone, but I couldn't be sure that I love everyone. No one is perfect, but I bet if you search hard enough you can find people who daily work on striving to be the best most genuinely loving honest compassionate empathetic and sympathetic people their personality and surrounding world will allow.

I am a compulsive liar too. I started from a young age (10). I have had a lot of breakdowns lately, because my whole life seems like a lie, and everyone I've lied to are weary of me. The singular thought that crosses my mind is 'I just want it to stop'.

I know what you mean when you say that honesty does not always benefit you, I've been there too.

How did you finally stop the cycle of compulsive lies?

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