i am currently working with a man who has 2 brain tumours, and stomach cancer. he is really sensitive about it and doesnt like talking to people about it, which is understandable. but he and i had a really long talk today and i told him about my depression (because he is suffering it now) and i told him about why i was depressed. we really got to know eachother today, we just talked for hours. he told me he was abused at a young age and that he had cancer when he was 19 (my current age!!) and that he now has it. he was explaining how people usually abandon him once they find out what hes going through.

after hours of talking, i told him that i am here for him whenever he needs me, and i told him that, even though i am leaving my job (he knows im going) i will still be here for him if he needs me, and i gave him my number and said to him that he can ring me anytime if he needs me.

he said he has no friends outside of work (same as me) and he doesnt go out weekends and evenings (same as me) and when he told me about his abuse i told him i was sexually abused at the age of 10 too. so i went on to explain to him about my depression i was in and i reassured him i know how he feels, except for the cancer bit. but i know what hes going through mentally.

he was glad i gave him my number and he asked me if it was ok for him to ring me of he needs me, and i said "yes, of course, im here to help, anytime of any day, im just the other end of a phone" and he was grateful to have that support.

i am glad i can relate to what hes going through, i know what hes going through mentally and i am sure i can help. even if its a small help, its still help. i know what its like to be alone and have no one to talk to, so i made sure he knew he doesnt have to be alone.

i found it a relief to be able to tell someone about me and how i got to where i am today. i feel like he knows me now and i know him. and i am so grateful for that.
i also feel grateful that i am able to help and i am kind of glad i went through what i did these past years, because it has made me grateful for what i have and i appreciate life and happiness, plus it has given me the gift to help others, which is so important to me.

i dont know why i feel it is important, thinking about it, i think its because i know what its like, and i feel that i can use my knowledge to try to change someones life, even if it such a slight change.

i just thought i would share this and ask if others are in the same situation.

speak soon

simon

[jbug]

Wow that is great you were able to share with him. I wish I could get up the guts to do something like that.

Jbug

[JustAPixie]

Simon, you mean so much to so many... and you do so much for others. I don't even know what you do!!! You are special!!!!!!!!!!!!

[(JD)]

I often feel totally alone in my situation. After my PTSD reaction the other night in a meeting, I sent an oops type email to the guy I support when I go to the meeting.... I know he's a good egg...but when he replied," You are doing your best." WOW! He just can't understand how much those few words mean to me!

Keep up the good work simon!

[Bethsway]

Simon I am so proud of you! You are always there for other people...You are a special person! That guy is truly blessed to have you there for him!!

[Perna]

Simon, that's so great for you and your new friend. I had a boss who was bipolar and her teenage daughter away at college was suddenly diagnosed with it and she was in denial, didn't know her mother (and an uncle, opposite side) had it but I was working in their home and it was just this big secret for so long, my boss just kept hinting around about it but I suspected it had to do with mental health so started discussing mine (or lack of it :-) and gradually my boss realized I understood and told me the whole story and I could tell it was a relief to her. Just knowing there are others out there with similar stories is so comforting, almost as nice and realizing you can help someone else too.

sorry i took so long to replying, havent really been on here for long recently.

janniebug - you can have the "guts" to do it, its just a case of being a friend to somebody who needs it. i believe anyone can do it, and i dont think its anything special for me to do what im doing, its just who i am.

tanya - thank you. im just grateful to help really. those of us who survive dark times are able to use it to help others, even if its such a small help.

sky - im here if you need me. you dont have to be alone in this, i promise im here for you (and everyone else) if you should ever need me. you are doing great sky. i can see that.

bethsway - thank you. i am able to here for others because i have others who are here for me too. without that life would be so hard, it will be how it use to be. i see it as a circle, others help and support me, so i am able to help and support others, but with the other people still helping and supporting me. if you see what i mean.

and perna, i completely agree. it is a comfort to know others are there. i find that. i am so glad to be able to come to PC and know that there are people who know how you feel and want to help, and that in itself is a great help. so if i can help others too, then i will without a shadow of doubt. well done for doing that perna, im proud of you for being able to realise she needed someone and you were able to expose your own problems to be able to let somebody realise that you are there for them. you did good.

i have never considered myself as special, and i never will. i just act out how i feel, and i have known hes been in distress for a while, and ive wanted to help ut ive been advised that he is very sensitive about it and he gets upset if people just ask how he is. so i decided to tackle it head on, i thought that nobody deserves to be living that life alone. he only has one other friend he can turn to for support, and she is unwell herself at the moment (she has a cold/flu, the cold that i gave her, ooops ) and people who are living the life hes living dont deserve to be so unhappy and lonely, and even though i have never had cancer, i know how lonely it can be to be so unhappy. so to be able to offer support for him is the least i can do. its just the way i see life.

thats why i want to get into music too. i feel i want to help others through song, as many artists do. i love music and singing, and i am glad to be able to support those who need it, so to combine it and help those through song, well thats all that i want out of life. that will make me the happiest person ever. at the moment i am able to help others, whether its good or not i dont know, but i still try. and even though i am not yet helping people thorugh song, i know that is to follow.

im just grateful for the life i lead i suppose. even with its numerous problems and faults. its best to keep looking on the best side of life, even when it feels there isnt one. theres always a bigger picture...

simon

what a strange strange day!!

that man i was telling you about, the one with the cancer. i found out something quite shocking today, i will explain the best i can...

basically his carer/friend (lets call her "D") found out 2 weeks ago that (lets call the cancer sufferer "P") hadnt told her the whole truth about his ilness, apparently he had been lying to her about some of it and she didnt know what. he admitted to a therapist on their first session that he isnt telling the whole truth but didnt say why...

that was 2 weeks ago, then last week i had that conversation with him that i told you about.

then last friday D told P to book an appointment with his doctor that the both of them can go to so she can get the full picture of hgis illness that hes had for 2 years (hes never told her the names of the cancer etc, he always claims he cant remember them) and when D went to his doctors with him today she found out that he hasnt had cancer at all. the doctor told D that P has never had cancer and the medication he is on (that he claims is fir the cancer) is indegestion treatment. the ONLY thing wrong with P is indegestion. he has NO brain tumours, and no stomach cancer...nothing. he lied to D for nearly 19 years about this and he allowed me to put my trust in him and i opened up to him last week. i was prepared to be there for him and i feel really decieved. i feel even worse for D, as she has put her life on hold for him and she has always been there for him. he knew what he was doing, he knew he was lying, because he constantly lied about tests he was having - hed go to the hospital and sit int here for an hour or so then come out saying they had done scans etc, when they hadnt. and of course, D believed him because you wouldnt doubt something like that. its too sick to lie about. but he was, and he has led everyone to believe he only has a few years left to live.

now obviously i am so glad he isnt going to die, that goes without saying. but that is so sick what he has done, it actually upsets me and is currently triggering other things for me. things that id rather not deal with right now!! i have enough on my plate!!

i feel abit sad about that right now, i feel let down, especially as i trusted him and told him about my past thinking it would help him. i laid my own emotions and past ont he line just to show him he has help through his cancer. and it was all built on a sea of lies. i feel exposed right now, and i know the focus isnt on me, but i put so much trust in him last week. last time i did that i was let down badly then too.

i dont know how to handle the situation from now on. i feel hurt, decieved, and stupid for opening up to him. i just feel let down. god only knows how D must be feelign right now after putting her own marriage ont he line to help him through what she thought was cancer...when all along he had nothing wrong. it just makes me feel sick because i was preparing to help him and preparing for the day i hear he had died. it hurts because ive lost family members to cancer and ive seen my mum die (although that wasnt cancer) so i know how hard death can be. and i feel he has trampled all over that. i have had people decieve me before, obviously not about something as harsh as this, and im not taking it personally. but it took so much out of me to do what i did last week but i was prepared to be there for him through the hard times just to help him get by that little easier. and he knew that. yet he still lied. ho much of a fool am i!!

obviously he has some sort of mental illness to make up something like that, so i dont know if i need to be angry with him, or sympathetic. i really dont knwo what to do. i want to support D now as it must be so hard for her. i think i will focus on her and move on from it. the only trouble is i work right next to P. makes me want to hand my notice in quicker!!

what shall i do? any suggestions are appreciated.

simon

p.s. sorry about the long post, just had alot to say ont he matter.

[domino]

I can understand that you are feeling deceived and let down by this person. What he did was really bad. I would probably feel exactly the same as you if I were in the same situation. The thing I hate most is people deceiving me or lying to me. Just one thing SImon, why should you hand in your notice? You didn't do anything bad, you didn't lie or deceive anyone. If anyone should be feeling bad right now it's P. He is the liar. He was probably seeking attention. Probably wanted people to stand by him. By saying he was ill he was sure that the people around him wouldn't leave him. Now his lies have turned against him. He will probably lose everyone who cared for him. What is a great shame is that maybe because of him you will not be able to trust others in the future.

domino, i was planning on handing my notice in before. ive had alot of hassle from my manager at work and i am so unhappy there. ive wanted to leave for a few weeks but i have to sort something out first to do with my wages that they wont pay me (long story, basically i had 6 weeks off due to a work related injuryy and my manager isnt paying me for half of it!). i am so unhappy with the way my life is right now, things seem to be tightening, and my dad just told me im stupid for wanting to leave my job asap. so i guess im stupid for trying to make myself happy!

hope that helps domino

simon

[domino]

I don't think your stupid SImon. You know what is best for you. Only you can make the decision of leaving or not. If your not happy there then I can understand why you want to leave. What you could do is maybe look for a job somewhere else first and once your sure that you've got another job to go to, then you hand in your notice. Haven't you got anyone there that can help you out concerning the money your manager owes you? Maybe someone higher up or someone that takes care of staff problems?

i just dont feel i can wait that long. i want out soon. i feel so unhappy with everything. and when people do what P has done today, it just makes it even harder to face it. i have alot of my own issues to be dealing with, and i just dont want to go in and deal with that there.

it has triggered me today, i feel really unhappy. and i want my family to support me, not call me stupid and a fool.

simon

[domino]

I'm so sorry Simon, I really wish I could help you more.

[Bethsway]

Simon we are all rooting for you!!! You are not stupid and you know it! Hope you find a job you love...at least a place where you will have peace!

[FaithisAlive]

Simon.. what a pity this had to happen to such a lovely person as yourself...no doubt P hasn't got any idea of how much he hurts people with his actions...what a shame too...

I think you should consider that it is healing to talk openly about your hurts and so you can see it as a step in the right direction.. telling him.. the more you talk about it, the easier it gets and I believe the more free of it you become.. so he still did you a favor by giving you the chance to let it out just a little.
ALways a silver lining....luv ya... Faith