~ ASSUMPTION's ~

Funny thing it is what I taught her about assuming to bite me in me arse

When anyone says that " When did u posess my body line " I will be humbled in a second because I know what it true value is

Why can't we just try to see things from a positive angle? I mean we can always find things in others words that we don't like, if we kind of look for faults.
Conflicts can really turn nasty over words that from the beginning just didn't mean what the other person thought it meant. Why not ask the other person in a friendly tone, about what he or she meant with the things he or she wrote?

In reality, I was being sarcastic, Rhap. I wasn't assuming ANYTHING!

IMHO, I think you're missing the point.

my favortie saying to my kids is this:

Assumptions get you nowhere!!!!!!!!! Never assume anything!!!!!

Well... I guess I can't write a thing on this board, without my words being judged as personal attacks towards some others. I don't know... but I didn't join this place for others to make me feel like less worthy. I joined it to give support and receive support.

I replied to this thread because of the subject it's about, and nothing else! So to assume I replied in another purpose than just to comment Rhapsody's thread- is to have made the wrong conclusions.

I think this place has in many ways turned into a place to throw pies at each other. Sometimes the pies even contain words hurting like knives. I don't want to be a part of that! To be seen as a person who want to cause trouble... is really hurtful! I don't feel safe here anymore... Why...? Because of assumptions growing into judgemental words...

I love this place... so I hope I won't have to leave...
I sure hope I can be able to post without fear, in the future.

I don't know if I wrote too much now out here. If I did so be it! I can't take this anymore! I've got feelings too..

I'm sorry about this post!

((((Poetrylover))))

nina.......you don't need to be sorry for saying how you feel....i'm sure that there are many others feeling just like you but are afraid to openly say so.....i'm sorry that you are having such a difficult time here right now......i know that you are the kind of person who needs and wants to express her feelings.....folks here have got to stop taking everything so personnaly!..HEY IT"S NOT ALL ABOUT YOU!!!!!!!!!....there,,,,,,now i feel better.....

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Poetrylover said:
Why can't we just try to see things from a positive angle? I mean we can always find things in others words that we don't like, if we kind of look for faults.
Conflicts can really turn nasty over words that from the beginning just didn't mean what the other person thought it meant. Why not ask the other person in a friendly tone, about what he or she meant with the things he or she wrote?

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Somehow I get the feeling that this is a lesson YOU are teaching, Rhap, and no one else's contribution is welcome unless they agree with you 100%. Excuse me. I won't contribute to any of YOUR lessons again.

IDK I think we have to assume what the other person is saying to be able to devise a response, especially here at PC. If I don't believe that I know what a post means, I would never feel confident enough to express a reply. Right?

I'm working very hard on this thread, Rhapsody, to try and find your truth here... but I have to agree with Septembermorn, as I read your responses, that you appear to be having difficulty assimulating any answer except one that agrees totally with you. How can you express your original point better? Could you tell us how you feel without quoting other stuff for me?

You said:
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I feel we all come here needing support, understanding & acceptance and not that of condemnation, judgment or wrong assumptions.... for as it says: WE WILL PROBABLY BE WRONG 90% of the TIME!

Food for Thought...
Is the 10% worth the wound and hurt a wrong assumption might create within another?

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I just read some nifty stats about how depressed people are OFTEN correct in their assessments of what is going on and what others are meaning. Where does that 90% wrong come in to play with that? I don't see that it does, in fact, if I may suggest without offending, that the 90% statement is quite pessimistic, for most ppl cannot be wrong most of the time, as that implies, imo.

If you could open up and tell us why you feel you are being misjudged, or even judged at all, rather than expressing such distaste over some "assumptions" that may have been off the mark, I think we could all work from there and offer you more poignant support. In addition, if you could identify the emotions that are being experienced over this, such as rage, frustration, defensiveness, that would help too, imo.
What do you think?

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_Sky said:


I'm working very hard on this thread, Rhapsody, to try and find your truth here... but I have to agree with Septembermorn, as I read your responses, that you appear to be having difficulty assimulating any answer except one that agrees totally with you.

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I really do not understand where this comment is coming from.... for I was the one that started this THREAD on how I felt on wrong assumptions, therefore, I should be able to see MY ANSWER as the one for ME... and not for someone else (every one is in titled to their own answer / truth - separate from mine and mine separate from theirs).

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You said:
I feel we all come here needing support, understanding & acceptance and not that of condemnation, judgment or wrong assumptions.... for as it says: WE WILL PROBABLY BE WRONG 90% of the TIME!

Sky said:
I just read some nifty stats about how depressed people are OFTEN correct in their assessments of what is going on and what others are meaning. Where does that 90% wrong come in to play with that? I don't see that it does, in fact, if I may suggest without offending, that the 90% statement is quite pessimistic, for most ppl cannot be wrong most of the time, as that implies, imo.

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I do not believe that I ever said that 90% of all people were wrong - but rather what I said was that "we should not assume any thing about another" for: 90% of all ASSUMPTIONS are wrong.... there is a big difference in the two.

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If you could open up and tell us why you feel you are being misjudged, or even judged at all, rather than expressing such distaste over some "assumptions" that may have been off the mark, I think we could all work from there and offer you more poignant support.

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If I could have opened up in forums in the first place I would have.... but as it has been stated before - We Cannot Bring PM's / Problems with another Member(s) into the Forums, hence why my hands were tied when I felt an old issue coming back to life (and) hence why I had to beat around the bush a little in witting this thread.

BUT - I will say that I started feeling judge and wrongly interpreted again after posting my thread in the Spiritual Section.... I felt as though a few people started to assume things about me and my faith that was not true - and all because I asked for advice in helping a good friend of mine that has been doubting Gods existence, not me doubting but them.... and I was in no way trying to debate Gods existence, I was merely asking for help in explaining Gods existence to my friend, and some took it the wrong way (they let me know in PM).

* * * * * * * * *

... For once I would just like to create a post without any one taking things away from its original perspective, hence wrecking havoc upon the full thread - then it gets locked or deleted (gone forever) and the poster of the thread still has no answer or advice from those that cared enough to help.

... I would like to let the THREAD stand as it was meant to be / by the poster.

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SeptemberMorn said:
Somehow I get the feeling that this is a lesson YOU are teaching, Rhap, and no one else's contribution is welcome unless they agree with you 100%. Excuse me. I won't contribute to any of YOUR lessons again.

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I have welcomed the contributions of many of the posters in this thread..... but then YES I have felt a need to reply back to a few of the replies, for they seemed (from my pov) to be more of a reply directed at me for the way I felt or saw things than to the subject at hand.

I am SORRY that you and me cannot seem to understand each other any better than we do (or don't), and that we always seem to take what the other says as a personally attack.... I guess it is true what they say: Some Wounds Never Heal.

((( hugs ))) + ((( i'm sorry - truly i am ))) + ((( hugs )))


LoVe,
Rhapsody -

With all due respect, Rhapsody, I have no wounds and I wasn't trying to take anything away from you. All I was doing was giving you MY experience with communication. I honestly do believe you need to check out the way you communicate so that those who read don't give a different meaning to your words that you thought you meant.

It takes a big person to acknowledge that they MAY need to make a few small changes. I'm still left with the feeling that whatever my contribution was, it wasn't even given a second thought, regardless of the fact that I had to relearn how to communicate CLEARLY AND CONCISELY. Obviously I'm not the only one that winds up confused with the way you word things.

BTW, you need to reread what Sky posted. You misunderstood what she said about that 90%.

I personally feel that the majority of our members here are really good about not assuming when reading posts, questioning when it's not clear, etc. There are times that assumptions can be made in emotional threads, etc. However, I think the whole is really good at not making assumptions...unless there's a history or high emotion somewhere in place.

I do think there are other acts that can come into play when communicating online and those appearance and interpretation.

Many times upset can happen because one is upset that their words are misinterpretted or they've misinterpretted the words of another. However, alot of those times that can happen due to appearance, then interpretation/understanding, upon reading.

Regardless, it's all boils down to communicating our words in the best way that we can for understanding in our presentation. For example, I could say, "Dangit, I'm so ticked!" and everyone here could wonder what's up, am I upset with them, searching their minds for past conversations to see if I was alluding to them, etc. When none of that would happen if I would've said from the beginning, "Dangit, my hubby said such and such and I'm in a bad mood and I need to feel better." Using complete sentences which completes our thoughts help us not to be misunderstood, leaving others to wonder, interpret the best they can, and assume our meaning...because of the appearance of our statements.

In my above example, if someone were concerned that I was alluding to someone here, or to them, would they be assuming or would the appearance of my words have allowed for an interpretation other than what I meant? If someone misinterpretted due to the appearance of my words, I will just clarify as I've had to do MANY times over the years.

We have appearance here through our words, and a few emoticons/smilies, but that's it! Others can't see our smiling faces, our tears rolling, our hearts breaking or dancing, the wink when we're being sarcastically humorous. Words are what we have here. Using them fully and completely can be paramount in making points and being understood.

On the flip side of this, if we think we're not understanding completely, we need to ask a member to expand on their thoughts for a better understanding and there's not as much left to try to inprepret, leaving less room for misunderstanding.

Also, when we post publicly, we need to be willing to accept all responses to the thread...even those that disagree with us. That's what conversation is about, I feel. As long as someone disagrees respectfully (even when angry and it shows), that's OK! I might end up saying, "We'll agree to disagree here"...showing that I respect their argument but am holding fast to my belief as well.

Bottom line, I think it has more to do with appearance and acceptance than it does about assumptions...even though assumptions can and do happen.

In a forum this size, we're going to have those agree 100% percent, those who don't respond because they have no opinion one way or the other, and those who disagree completely. As long as it's respectful, it's all OK. That's what make a conversation...especially a conversation with many. It's all part of sharing and giving/receiving support...in its many forms.

KD

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Rhapsody said:
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_Sky said:


I'm working very hard on this thread, Rhapsody, to try and find your truth here... but I have to agree with Septembermorn, as I read your responses, that you appear to be having difficulty assimulating any answer except one that agrees totally with you.

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If I could have opened up in forums in the first place I would have.... but as it has been stated before - We Cannot Bring PM's / Problems with another Member(s) into the Forums, hence why my hands were tied when I felt an old issue coming back to life (and) hence why I had to beat around the bush a little in witting this thread.

* * * * * * * * *

Rhapsody, I see the problem of your feeling that you have to "beat around the bush" here. Some, at PC, come right out and say whatever it is that is on their mind and others feel that their words should be cloaked in subtlies because they know they might get in trouble if they speak about what is truly bothering them. And there are certainly times when I feel that there isn't any interest in the subject of the thread but there is an interest in posting in it.

A person could come to believe that there is a double standard at PC. I feel that if you say it properly, there is no reason that you can't bring up what is bothering you. But I know from personal experience that it doesn't always work that way.

I've stepped way back from PC and no longer start threads and don't come here nearly as much as I used to. I don't find the support that I need and I definitely am not interested in event of "throwing of the pies", as Nina put it.

Rhap, I am not in any way hoping to get this thread locked but I can't stand by and watch you and others struggle while trying to find some answers to what bothers you.

This is a support forum, right?

kimmy.....great post....you are one smart and perceptive lady!.....and pat...i knew if anyone was going to bring out the truth here it would be you sis! lol....double standeard at PC.....you bet ther4e is!

FOR NO PARTICULAR PERSON(s)....

Please let it be on this one....... I did not come here to be beaten down when I post WHAT I FEEL, am FEELING - hence why I do not always flowing with what someone else may feel on any given subject or post.... when I post to a reply I am not arguing or debating the posters opinions on the subject at hand, but rather I am just sharing my own opinion on the matter, with a little explanation to why I feel as I do.

Please keep this in mind: I did not post (nor state) in my THREAD on ASSUMPTION that I was needing to seek help or advice from any one... I was just sharing (from my pov) how wrong assumptions can and will hurt - wound another.

* * * * * * * *

LoVe,
Rhapsody -

I am SORRY that my mental health issues are not looked upon for greater understanding of me, my post and my needs (by some - not all)... for they will become intertwined at time, rather I want them to or not.

KD!