Is this a Flashback?

Recently I started to get pieces of memory back. Things I forgot that all of the suden are back in my mind. They can be from 15 to 20 years ago, to maybe just a few months ago.
It usually happens when I'm at my lower level of depresion and the memory I get, it's soemthing that happens to me, that shows me a part of my illnes and I can see myself and feel really sad about how I looked at that moment.
Is this a flashback? Any ideas?

I can't tell you if it's a flashback or not. Not sure that I've ever had one... at least not as vivid as some say they have.

Is this something that really happened to you or is it more of an insight into how you became ill? As you can tell, I don't know much about Bipolar. I had always thought it was nothing more than a chemical imbalance in the brain.

{{{{{{{{{{{{{{Bips}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}} I hope you feel better soon. Remember I'm here for you, ok?

(((((Sept))))) Thank you so much, i need it today.
Yes, it's something that happened to me. Today i remember when i just got pregnant, one night I was waiting for my hubby, and I looked outside trhu the kitchen door, and I swear to God, I thougth there was somebody out in the dark looking at me, I turned all the lights off so it was easier for me to see than to "him" and I waited for 1/2 hour like that. And I can see myself like I'm a third person, that is why it gets so sad, becuase is like I can see clearly now than then.
Obviusly there was none outside, but now remembering that and feeling the panic again only shows me how ill i was and I didn't even knew. It's heartbreaking.

That experience sounds like some I've had. Sounds like you may have disociated... I didn't.

For many years I had fears of men breaking into my house. I'd hear doors creaking open, footsteps outside my window, feetsteps coming to my room... you name it. Another time I got up to use the toilet pretty close to daylight. I saw what must have been the Morning Star and I could have sworn it was moving towards earth at a pretty good clip... only it never got any closer. I looked at that star until I was frozen to the toilet. I was too scared and too ashamed to wake up my then husband.

There's obviously a big difference between what happens to you and what did happen to me. Those memories don't come back to me like they do you. Wish I knew what to say to take the power out of those memories for you.

I don't think there was much difference in the terror we both felt, though.

(Sept) I know, I still feel panic soemtimes, usually during maniac episodes, when it's hard to fall asleep.
I feel embarrased and ashamed of letting anyone know of most of these things.
I'm sorry for how you felt too ~hug~

It sounds to me like a sudden realization of a time where your problem got you. Don't think that it means that you are broken or anything. Your mind just has a problem like the rest of our minds on this here forum. As my T said, you can have a problem but not be the problem. I rather enjoy replaying that conversation in my mind at times. I hope you find a way to smooth out the manias and depressions.

Most of my fears are gone now. I don't lay awake nights imagining all kinds of horrors. Now it's the occasional anxiety or panic attack. I always think I'm having a stroke. That's part of my PTSD from having nursed my mom through hers and then watching her go through the dying process. I start that and I take a Klonopin.

hey big sis.

sorry to hear you are having these awful memories/flashbacks. i think they are flashbacks, it is your mind going over events from your past that were upsetting for you - ie the instance you speak of with the person outside - and your mind is trying to make sense of it. it is trying to repair itself, and i definately believe that these memories are a positive step for you. i know they dont seem it but they definately are. your mind will only re-count these events when it is strong enough to deal with them, thats why many people who have been through severe trauma dont remember it for years and years, and sometimes they never will. so be proud of yourself for having the strength to encounter these memories/flashbacks.

and when you get more of these flashbacks, come on here and write them down as you saw it, that way we can help you process and deal with them. it really is a healing process you are going through right now and im glad you are having them because it will make you stronger still and you will eventually be able to let go so much of it. remember that these memories cannot hurt you, not now.

keep up the good work sis, you have nothing to worry about.

take care

simon

((( hopefull)))) thanks so much, I'm finding out some stuff that have been helpfull, but your kind words sure make me feel better~

(((((((Sept))))))) Well, i have to PM you, I'm getting on the right path I think about this whole thing.

(((((((Lil' bro))))))) That is why I Like so much, you are such a positiv influence. You really got me thinking, and while is really sad and I still can feel a lot of pain, I think you are right, I'm ready to start to heal. There was so much inside that is coming out, that is scary, but I can see the diference now, between then and now.
~hug~

So, so wise for such a young man!

{{{{{{{{{{Bips}}}}}}}}}}}}}}} Yes, you are! You're on the road to healing!

Sept, argggg, i was making a PM for you and my comp freezed up.....
well, I'm gonna try again~

A good thing to do is to write something in a text file and immediately save it before you even start writing. That has saved me a lot of headaches AND heartaches.

I know, but the thing is you are wiser than me, so it's ok!!
I'll do it from now on~

I do that now because I learned the hard way! Now YOU are wiser, too!

Oh boy Oh boy, between Simon's party, me getting wiser and my maniac episode, i think I'm gonna skip sleeping for the next 3 days!!!!

hehe why not, come to my "PC PARTY" and we can party our troubles away.

just keep remembering how special you are big sis. i am so very proud of you right now, so keep it up.

and im here for you if you should ever need me ok

simon (your new found lil bro!)

I'll buy an ounce of that mania, please!

(((((((((((((((((((((((((Biplol))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))

It does sound like you disassociated from that time and place. It also sounds like you are doing much better and I am so happy about that.
I have short term memory loss and it is such a pain. Mine is from no oxygent to the brain for too long of a period, though. I get so upset over things that I swear did not happen but everyone says did. I just can't remember it.
Keep up the good work!!
Linda

((**((**((**((**Lil'bro**))**))**))**))**))
You are such a sweetie, you make feel so humble, thank you so much, you know I'm here for you too.

((^^((^^((^^((^^Sept^^))^^))^^))^^))
that and what else hon? I have tons of energy if you'd like some?? lol

(((((****Linda****))))) Thank you so much, after my post I find some pretty neat info that is helping me putting some pieces together.
So sorry about your memory, that must be really hard~