[monkeybrains21]

I feel myself breaking inside. I've lost everything and then my partner came to be. I can't break it would kill her. Everything is collapsing on me. The harder I try the worse it gets.

I can't stand it. Work sucks more and more but because of the job market I'm stuck. I have to work to pay my bills, I even have side jobs since my company doesn't pay well. I spend up to 4hrs a day driving and hate it. I get migraines everyday.

I tell my partner nothing since every time I've opened up she cries, or tells me to get over it, or tells me it has nothing to do with me. I want it to get better. I've wanted my 28yrs to show some kind of improvement but it hasn't. Every time I thought it was getting better something awful happens.

I'm not meant to ever be happy or even content.

[kaliope]

I am sorry to hear that you are struggling so much. you don't mention what type of resources you have. the more resources we have, the better we are at managing our lives. I know when my life seemed to be so overwhelming when I got on meds and got therapy, I could not believe the difference it made. I finally had hope for the first time in my life. I now am very successful. it was well worth it. take care.

[Stronger]

I know what you mean. I've been recently talking to my T about this. About living town different lives: one on the outside and a totally different one on the inside.

Every human has the right to be happy and content. Including you, because I would assume that you are human.
This won't go on forever. Do you have a T? I had to start seeing my T twice a week because my life is such a mess.

I believe that you can do this! You can be strong enough!

[yumi]

I'm to the point in my life to where if I ever trust someone enough again to even be open to dating or getting involved, I really need someone who won't shut me out when I am depressed or overwhelmed.
I've never encountered a relationship where I could be that open, without being told to get over it. I have mental illness. I need someone who can be there for me, not brush me off or cheat on me the moment they can't deal with me or show support. That just makes things worse for me and I get even worse in my condition and lose myself completely further. Its like the world is so afraid of us.
I just think your partner should be more compassionate with you and work with you. Its not your fault you feel the way that you do. Being shut out is not the answer. I do hope she can come around for you and work together with you. Nobody seems to understand this, at least not in my experience. Everyone in my life has always taken the easy way out. They have no idea how much unconditional love and support can truly make a difference. Hang in there.

[monkeybrains21]

I have a T I've been seeing for 3yrs this April. I just find it hard to say anything of importance. Then when she tries to get a pt across if she doesn't say it fast enough I'm gone. I totally zone and have no idea what she said. I try so hard not to zone but I can't stop it. I see her today. She suggests meds and has been for 3yrs.

I've given her, a few weeks ago, four pages front and back everything I can remember from being a kid. It started as a list then became something else. We haven't spoken of it yet, I'll probably open that today because I know she wants to talk about it.

Don't get me wrong my partner is amazing. Only thing is she's been where I am but that was10yrs ago for her. She has a support outside of me. She has an amazing mom and bro. Problem for me is all I have is her. Her mom treats me as her own but it's just not the same. My own mom couldn't give a damn about me. I wasted my life trying to help and protect her and all she did was use me.

My partner also has this thing that if I say hurt my knee she says it's nothing just sore. She went to school for sports medicine so I listen. We both have extremely high pain tolerances, we both come from abusive fathers. We don't really fight, we are very aware and don't want to be our fathers. She gets upset and plays guitar, I get upset and I go away and paint.

My mom and family issues are another story but I'll give the short. Abusive alcoholic pedophile father, submissive passive mother, only child syndrome older sis, dead twin. Father is nothing to me. Sis can go to hell. Mom still talks about dead twin all the time like she's all that matters.