[hcm172]

Hello everyone,
I will try to make this as short as possible. I'm 15 years old and for some time now I've been wondering if there's something wrong with me, if I'm 'messed up'. Obviusly that's subjective but I'd like to get a second opinion other than my own.
I label myself as a skepticist and an atheist. In the last year or so I've come to realize I'm also bisexual and I'm into BDSM. I'm socially awkward and shy even though once a get to know another person, if I find them interesting I quickly become friends with them I only have one good friend (I know, that's all you need!) and I'm not so good at making friends usually. Exluding school, I spend most of my time at home, mainly on the PC (listening to music, watching stuff on youtube, exploring new things, being on forums etc.) and I rarely ever go out anymore and when I did it was usually once or twice a week. I think that if I were more confident with my body I wouldn't be show shy and I would gain confidence. (I'm actually pretty good looking(In my humble opinion) other than acne and my pale skin) Another regret I have that was caused by my lack of confidence was not doing something about a girl I liked (We were friends and chatted around last year when were both taking english classes) and now I never see her anymore because she's on a different english 'level' plus she has a boyfriend. But even now I know it would be very hard for me to 'ask her out' or something. So the last few months I've been getting more and more into BDSM (crossdressing, humiliation, pain - probably weird stuff for you guys) and would definitely want to have some real life experiences when I'm old enough.

So, do you think I'm just weird and shy or is something wrong with me? Let me just add, I live with my mother and brother at the moment and when I was a kid my mom and dad sed to fight a lot. It turned out my dad sufferes from schizophrenia and he goes through very bad phases about once a year. (We got through some rough times a few years back but for some reason I everything seemed light to me...You know, I didn't 'blame' my parents for what was happening and I love them both. )Anyways by dad is currently in a different country where the clinics are much better and he gets the treatment he needs. Another think I remember that might have harmed my phychology is that for SOME reason I tried to look and looked for porn on the internet when I was like 8 or 9 and did weird stuff not knowing how to 'jerk off'.

Please let me know what you think about all this.

P.S. I'm a very logical person and never did any self-harm or anything that would put my life in danger.

[kaliope]

being socially awkward, lacking self confidence and having somewhat eclectic tastes does not mean something is wrong with you. it is not everyones cup of tea and some would judge you for it but as long as you are not hurting anybody it is none of their business. I suspect you just feel weird about it because it is not part of the social norm. but a lot more people do it than will admit to it I would bet...lol.

what you need to do is focus on your self confidence. start making a list of your strengths and really recognizing them and praising yourself for them. commend yourself when you do something good. you probably don't get enough praise. make decisions that make you feel proud of yourself. this will raise your selfesteem. take care.

[~Christina]

I think you are just confused about your self right now, As Kaliope suggested working on building your self confidence would help you alot

Here is a link to another forum we have here , maybe it will help you to know that you are not alone .. There is another link but for some reason it wont let me copy past... Just scroll down all the forums.... its down at the bottom of the link I gave to you .

http://http://forums.psychcentral.co...gender-issues/

Welcome to PC

Hello hcm172:

Two Forums here I could suggest you check out include: the Transgender & Other Gender Issues Forum, & the Sexual & Gender Issues Forum. You can find both of these listed in the Index. I think if you read through some of the posts on these forums you will see you are not weird & there is nothing wrong with you.

The important thing, in my opinion, is to not develop a sense of guilt. You do want to exercise discretion with regard to who you talk to about these things. However avoid getting into the habit of hiding things (such as the clothing of the opposite sex, if you have acquired some for cross-dressing purposes.) My experience has been that it is the guilt & secrecy plus the hiding that are damaging. From that perspective you may find some therapy, with a therapist who has experience working in the field of sexuality, may be of benefit along the way.

Particularly at your age sexuality can be both a confusing & intriguing experience. And being shy certainly isn't the least bit unusual. As others have suggested here, focus on building your self-confidence.

Hi there I'm a year older than you, but I understand how "not normal" feels like. Reading this, you sound like a nice person who loves her family. At this age range, we don't know what potential and capability we have, but you have your interests which make you a person, so don't assume that you're not normal.



Frogs 'cause I felt like it!

[hcm172]

Thanks everyone for replying. I really appreciate you taking time to help me.
@The Skeezyks - I actually used to have that sense of guilt but at some point I realised I'm not doing anything bad, I'm not harming anyone, it's just what I like to do. However I have to hide things from my family because I'm far from ready to tell them anything. I don't know if I even want to.

[avlady]

you need to develope social skills, i know as ive dealt with shyness for my whole life basically because i didn't have social skills until after being put on meds, and giving up drinking alcohol also helped.

[ifst5]

I don't think there's anything wrong with you. But i come from a culture that is very comfortable with sex etc. To me it just sounds like you're growing up and trying to figure out who you are - you may feel differently by the time you're in your 20's and that's ok, everybody changes regardless of age. I think there's a lot of pressure for young people to be 'different' these days. That's not to say you're making things up - definitely not - but i understand the urge to put labels on things and quantify them. But being mentally ill, or gay or disabled or whatever - it doesn't put people into a special club, it's just something extra about them, it has no inherent value per se it's just who they are. Normal adults don't really care very much about another persons interests/personal life - that's to say, they accept what is their business and what's not. Just enjoy being young and free, it comes around only once. All the best.