My insanity

Ithikari · Dec 14, 2014, 04:15 AM

Lately in the past 2 weeks I've been doing, terrible, in ways to comfort myself which I know is idiotic, have been either taking a lot of over the counter pills (100 multivitamin pills in one week (to cause hypovitaminosis) and a whole bottle of Nyquil in one day) and constant burning myself on-top of picking the wounds.

My emotions is like a coin being flipped every hour and ranges from happy to suicidal ideation (the pills).

However, I cannot go to the hospital or see a doctor. It costs me roughly $400 - $600 in Canada (not a Canadian citizen) which is more then what I earn in a week which then, in turn causes my emotions yet again to skyrocket out of control and makes me, yet again, wanting to commit suicide or continue hurting myself.

It's extremely ****ed up and becoming unbearable to even live with.

Angelique67 · Dec 14, 2014, 07:00 AM

Hi Ithikari. My take is that if it's unbearable then you really do need to go inpatient. The hospital will work out a payment schedule that you can manage, so please don't worry about that. Your behavior is extremely dangerous, and you need to go to the hospital. Good luck.

Dec 14, 2014, 08:03 AM

Hi Ithikari,

I'm not familiar with Canadian law, but I find it hard to believe that a $400-$600 payment is a prerequisite for admission to a hospital or to see a doctor. I think what you are saying is that you can go to a hospital or see a doctor, but you would subsequently receive a bill of $400-$600 for services rendered. I'm confident that a payment plan can be arranged.

Having ANY thoughts of harming yourself is VERY serious, and requires immediate professional help.

I wish you the best.

Fuzzybear · Dec 14, 2014, 08:39 AM

IceCreamKid · Dec 14, 2014, 09:27 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Ithikari

Lately in the past 2 weeks I've been doing, terrible, in ways to comfort myself which I know is idiotic, have been either taking a lot of over the counter pills (100 multivitamin pills in one week (to cause hypovitaminosis) and a whole bottle of Nyquil in one day) and constant burning myself on-top of picking the wounds.

My emotions is like a coin being flipped every hour and ranges from happy to suicidal ideation (the pills).

However, I cannot go to the hospital or see a doctor. It costs me roughly $400 - $600 in Canada (not a Canadian citizen) which is more then what I earn in a week which then, in turn causes my emotions yet again to skyrocket out of control and makes me, yet again, wanting to commit suicide or continue hurting myself.

It's extremely ****ed up and becoming unbearable to even live with.

I urge you to go to the emergency room and tell them what you have been doing. I also want to caution you that instead of killing yourself outright and immediately you might destroy your liver or give yourself brain or kidney damage by the overdoses you are giving yourself. I imagine people who toy with suicide think they will just peacefully slip away, but the reality is they might end up in a coma, with excruciating pain, or with permanent, painful but not immediately life-threatening disability far worse than they can imagine. Your life is more important than the cost of a doctor visit. Get help now.

Ithikari · Dec 14, 2014, 01:47 PM

Kindness, it will cost me about that much to see a doctor to get a referral to psychiatrists.

And I can't really get help, I can't afford to be out of work for longer then 1 day, I'm not paid that much and I don't want to go back to Australia.

Dec 14, 2014, 02:42 PM

Ithikari,

I understand your financial concern. I really do. But what is the price of your life? You admit that you are self-harming and have suicidal ideation. I've been there. Done that.

This is not a lecture. If I didn't care about you I wouldn't even reply. OK? Do you have a crisis line in Canada? You must. Find it and call it. Now.

Laini · Dec 14, 2014, 03:12 PM

Ithikari. Get yourself medical help. Think about money and cost later. Thinkingabout you x

Ithikari · Dec 15, 2014, 04:17 AM

As I said, I really wish I could, but I can't be detained for longer then a day, I hate being held up somewhere, unable to do something, I don't think mentally I could do it also financially due to the fact I won't know if I have a job if it occurred and living in Montreal Canada and unable to speak French makes job finding limited.

Angelique67 · Dec 15, 2014, 04:20 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Ithikari

As I said, I really wish I could, but I can't be detained for longer then a day, I hate being held up somewhere, unable to do something, I don't think mentally I could do it also financially due to the fact I won't know if I have a job if it occurred and living in Montreal Canada and unable to speak French makes job finding limited.

Yes but you're going to make it so you're too sick to work. Maybe even get too sick to make it home and be stranded in a hospital forever. I hate to sound so alarmist but you're ringing the alarm. Please just go to an ER and tell them what you're doing and that you can't make yourself stop.

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