CONSIDERING EACH OTHER'S ILLNESSES

Talking about "considering" Has anyone considered how painful it is to wear a thong backwards? LOLPMP!

you may be right, tomi..........

((((((((((((( AS )))))))))))))

i'm sending vibes. i rarely do hugs.......AS........xoxox pat

I agree that we need to consider each other's illnesses, and I think that considering our own is at least as important. I mean that in the sense that we need to recognize when our illnesses and old patterns are affecting our posts and interactions, and we need to stop and look at what is actually related to the current topic/person/issue, and what is really our own unfinished business that we need to deal with and not turn loose on someone else who doesn't deserve it and may be ill-equipped to deal with it because they have their own problems.

Rap

Yes sometimes we do not consider other peoples feelings when posting...but I haven't seen any intentional viciousness myself...Hope I have never offended anyone...If so I am sorry!!! Take care and hope you feel better AlteredStates...

No, but OUCH! Or OOOH, depending on what you're looking for....

Me too.

Very good point, Rapunzel.

i've seen intentional visciousness. when i see it i try and think:

hurting people will lash out.

it is a fairly primitive response. if you put a couple of monkeys in a cage and you give one of them an electric shock then that monkey will lash out at / physically assault the other monkey even though it is clear to that first monkey that the second monkey was not the cause of their pain.

hence, given that people with mental illness are often in great pain it is probably more likely that people with mental illness will lash out at others at times.

there is another point with respect to intent.

when people have had experience of others being abusive / sadistic towards them then quite often that person comes to believe that the world is a fairly unsafe place and that people in general have abusive / sadistic qualities. that means that one is more likely to interpret the actions / words of others in such a way that they are read as having abusive / sadistic intent. while happy healthy people find it fairly easy to assume the best of others and interpret their actions / words positively and assess hurtful / hateful words as being a sign of pain rather than genuine threat people who haven't been so lucky tend to find that much much harder.

so... while it would be nice to think that experience with mental illness would result in people being less judgemental and hurtful and hateful and abusive the sad fact is that people with mental illness (given their experiences) are probably likely to be more judgemental and hurtful and hateful and abusive than most.

of course it is possible to turn that around... but it takes considerable time and effort and during times of stress / distress we tend to revert back to what is familiar.

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so... while it would be nice to think that experience with mental illness would result in people being less judgemental and hurtful and hateful and abusive the sad fact is that people with mental illness (given their experiences) are probably likely to be more judgemental and hurtful and hateful and abusive than most.

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One HUGE

How true...

Although that is never my heartfelt intent, it is, though, my outward reaction.

I'll never be sane, will I?

i think you will get better over time, yeah. like everyone else we have the capacity to use our experiences to help and the capacity to use our experiences to harm. i think part of it is about being more aware of what we are doing so that we have more conscious control over our actions.

one advantage we have over the monkeys is this really large brain with far more developed frontal lobes that enable us to inhibit (or learn to inhibit) our automatic responses with some time and practice.

things can get a lot better :-)

also...

if you view peoples lashing out as an expression of their pain rather than taking it personally then one can feel empathy for them and their lashing out doesn't hurt us quite so much.

i can be a a total basta,rd when it comes to using other dx against them, i only resort to that when it is used against me, does that make me a bad person? no, why i ask you say, its because i see it everyday in a lot of posts, it is a defence mechinism universally used by everyone, i just dont sugarcoat it

> i can be a a total basta,rd when it comes to using other dx against them, i only resort to that when it is used against me

maybe if you expect other people to use your diagnosis against you then you read that into their posts more readily than you would otherwise. it might be the case that they don't intend to do that but you read this intention into their post. in that case they are left wondering why on earth it is that you are lashing out at them.

the cycle has to stop somewhere and each of us can only be responsible for our own actions.

it can help to think that other people tend to lash out as an expression of their hurt.

lets go back to the monkeys... i'm hurting so i lash out at you. but then you are hurting so you lash out at me. but then i'm hurting so i lash out at you.

the cycle has to stop somewhere...

alex i posted that because i knew you would react, just like you have reacted in 90% of my posts in ther last 3 months, where has it got either of us? point proved

edited by me to add

your own word salex, not a study, not a synopsis or , someone elses words your own, in plain english, dont forget i am but a humble englishman with a oxford venicular

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mellors said:
i can be a a total basta,rd when it comes to using other dx against them, i only resort to that when it is used against me, does that make me a bad person?

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Nope, not a bad person. But a person who behaves badly at times. As would be the other party who used your diagnosis against you.

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it is a defence mechinism universally used by everyone

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Universally used by everyone? Hardly. There's that old saying, "If all you have is a hammer, everything looks like a nail." Lots of folks have more tools in their toolbox than a hammer. Gosh, many of them when used properly not only don't cause others harm, but actually do good. No need to sugarcoat that.

gg

Mellors...

I respond to your posts because I find them interesting and they get me thinking. If I didn't find them interesting and thought provoking then I wouldn't respond to them.

I like to hear what you have to say.

> i knew you would react

Yeah, I can indeed be a bit reactive at times. Not my best quality, I'm afraid. Something I'm working on but I do more or less well with that depending on how frustrated I feel (where most of that frustration is coming from elsewhere truth be told).

But...

I really didn't mean to react to your post. I meant to express my thoughts in relation to it. Breaking the cycle is something that I'm working on. Conflict resolution is something that I'm quite interested. Often disputes get to the point of 'she started it' 'no he started it' 'but she did this to him' 'but he did this to her'. After a while nobody can figure out where the whole mess started and how each party contributed to an escalating situation. Ultimately we can only be responsible for ourselves. For our own reactions and responses.

Only I can worry about mine...
And only you can worry about yours...

Though of course we can play 'she started it' 'no he started it' until we are blue in the face. It doesn't really help, however, except in the sense that a good fight expends a great deal of energy. Gets the endorphins flowing and afterwards one can feel much calmer and better similarly to how one feels after a good workout.

Patterns from the past...

> dont forget i am but a humble englishman with a oxford venicular

And I wouldn't have you any other way. You are alright you know Mellors. Sorry if I upset / annoyed you in expressing my opinion (yet again).

Hi guys/gals

I have had the chance to read thru all the posts on this threads thoroughly and hasve found that some at times have been distrurbing . IMO I think we have went off on a tangent and forgot the basis of this thread .....

Even though we are responding to a simple question we as adults still have the ability to use tact and common sense.. This is a support site and we want to support all of our opnions at time in which we would need to be open to suggestions on these threads....

I do not condone vicious attacks on fellow members but I can support constructive criticism when done with understanding and compassion.

Furthermore we need to understand that not all share our common beliefs and nor do they agree with or views but we should not mistake thier intentions as acts of war.

We are all adults or try to be and it is a shame to watch members shred each other apart


Once again these are my opinions and not opinions of others



Tymber

Another big from me

(good post AK ....)

))) AS (((

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if you view peoples lashing out as an expression of their pain rather than taking it personally then one can feel empathy for them and their lashing out doesn't hurt us quite so much.

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Very good point, AK (did I already say that?)

As for monkies and frontal lobes? Right now the monkies seem to have it over me because they can sustain, at least, a mimicking of intelligence, whereas I cannot even do that!!

Just joking (?)!!

I just wanted to bring back a snippet from the original post in this thread:

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Does anyone do this? Does anyone take into account that we are all suffering from various illness here?

If we do, then WHY are we so vicious to one another?

What would provoke someone to start playing head-games with another person? Do we not get enough of this IRL that we have to bring this kind of crap here - a place designed by the good graces of someone else - where we come for support and understanding????

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(This is not in reply to you specifically Fuzzy )

I just wanted to keep the thread on topic, and send a gentle reminder to take private conversations into PM so that the thread stays on topic.

I think this is a good topic as a reminder to the community that just like IRL, we will not get along with everyone. I've always looked at PC like a microcosm to the world....we are trying to co-exist together, which is hard enough and then you add all of our various personal issues to the mix, it makes it hard. Along the lines of keeping in mind that everyone here is a human being with their own problems, I'd like to remind everyone of the ignore feature again. For me, this has been a valuable tool in the past. IRL, if there's someone I clash with, I stay away from them. Same goes here.

Anyway, just wanted to chime in to help steer the conversation back towards the original post.

Thanks,
Rayna

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Even though we are responding to a simple question we as adults still have the ability to use tact and common sense.. This is a support site and we want to support all of our opnions at time in which we would need to be open to suggestions on these threads....

I do not condone vicious attacks on fellow members but I can support constructive criticism when done with understanding and compassion.

Furthermore we need to understand that not all share our common beliefs and nor do they agree with or views but we should not mistake thier intentions as acts of war.

We are all adults or try to be and it is a shame to watch members shred each other apart
Once again these are my opinions and not opinions of others

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HEAR HEAR !! (Or is that HERE HERE??)

Thank you, Rayna!

I do believe, that when there are so many responses to a certain post, it is just too easy to get side-tracked.

Even I keep having to go back to the original to remember what I said, because I find I so easily get caught up in a response (or a partial response) and respond to that instead of the original...

Again, thank you, Rayna!