[cusack10]

Hello,do you know that the sad look attracts vicious talking from general ppl?
Pressured for long by parents and got a depressed look on face,and weak in mindset,now deciding to leave the family,but don't have the power inside to fight for myself,and the weak look itself attacts attacks in society.Any similar experience?

[Ripose]

I have noticed this throughout my life, even being too nice (as I often am) is regarded as weakness by many others even though they would not even realize what they doing.

We are still a primitive species trying very hard to pretend we are not. Finding the strengths in other instead of weakness takes effort by a lot of people, an effort they will not even attempt in most cases.

If mankind is around for another 1000 years maybe things will change for the better.

[dizzyeyed101]

in my exspirience that is their weakness, if they choose to see it that way. but that is their problem because they have to deal with it. you know you are not weak. you know you are nice because you are kind. if someone started to take advantage you know to back off. if they think they can take advantage of your kindness its their loss. they loose a good friend. and i knw what you mean byt the sad look attracts bad comments. ive litrally had people stop e in the street and comment on how i look. im obviously in no mood to be spoken to that way, which just makes my mood worse.

[cusack10]

I'm fked up.I have had a comprehensive reply in my mind,and I was fked up by parents and it's gone.and Can't even maintein the pesistive waiting as you concluded as i am also alienated in the outside.I have no good experiences and memory in store to hold on to and to retreat to when dealing with bad from the outside when i left home.I've been seeking help for quite a while,My family forbid me from counselling and I have to post it on internet,but no one has gone through that far to what I've experienced and the thoughts extracted from it.I've gone deeper and aheader and got ungeard with now society.I know it is crazy to ask this way,but be it,would you come to china to stay a while with me,my mom has an apartment in another province far from this home.just some positive experiences needed to get back on feet.

[cusack10]

Originally Posted by dizzyeyed101

in my exspirience that is their weakness, if they choose to see it that way. but that is their problem because they have to deal with it. you know you are not weak. you know you are nice because you are kind. if someone started to take advantage you know to back off. if they think they can take advantage of your kindness its their loss. they loose a good friend. and i knw what you mean byt the sad look attracts bad comments. ive litrally had people stop e in the street and comment on how i look. im obviously in no mood to be spoken to that way, which just makes my mood worse.

I am just so damned easy to be disturbed,I don'thave a solidary of my mind or my idea built up, when im disturbed,i dont know how to do things.
i think because i've been pressured and disturbed all along since little,and got no good experience and memory to stand up on,could call it a trauma.

[cusack10]

The ****ing god knows,i did have tried everything.

[dfwsteph]

I'm sorry this is happening for you. I and several members of my family have a facial expression that evidently looks like we are frowning if we aren't engaged in conversation. I, myself, am not one to walk around with a grinning idiot expression.

Anything that makes other people uncomfortable, especially speaking the truth, will usually get twisted to be something wrong with you. This may very well be why your family is against your seeking counseling.

Maybe you can take some comfort in knowing you're more honest than them.

This is just my opinion and experience...I could be wrong

[Lemon Curd]

In highschool, I was told I had a permanent "mean" face. Highschool was rough for me. I think it was my natural defense & my survival tool. It did keep most people away.

[marmaduke]

Its nature that people tend to attack people who appear weak.

I have been attacked/bullied all my life. I was too quiet, shy and timid to defend myself and my self esteem was non existent. Too scared to look the world in the eye.
Mother made me like that.

Now I'm older on medication and have self helped, I force myself to stand straight, to look ahead and not at the floor. I have relentlessly worked on raising my self esteem. I walk confidently now. Its amazing the difference that makes to people's attitude toward me. Body language is so important.

I'm not as 'nice' as I used to be. I've being taken advantage of and used for years. Now my attitude is 'if you dont like me f##k you, your loss matey not mine'.
Guess what, I got friends now! They respect me more.

Though, I don't like humans much I prefer animals.

[cusack10]

Just can't go anything as planed,easily get spotted and targeted,so fking freaked out.

[cusack10]

thank each of you for the support,i invite you to more contact with me in skype.i can't say much on my own or one way,when i have a truthful talk with others,i certainly can say a lot more.so i invite you to skype to chat with me,my skype name is standinthelord.

[eskielover]

It would be a good idea if you are getting away from your family to get into therapy & also get a psychiatrist who can actually Diagnose you appropriately. There may be more going on with you than JUST how you were treated by your parents.

It was only a few months ago when I was reading on Asperger's because several of my previous T's had suggested that the problems that I was having with my H could have been based on his being on the Autistic Spectrum.......sure enough....it explained ALL the troubles that I couldn't deal with in the bad marriage of 33 years before I finally left.

There can be underlying things that are wrong that without a diagnosis it's impossible to know what & how to work on one's problems.

Sorry....I don't skype.....just do PC posts & PM's

I wish you the best in sorting out your life.....parents do play a huge roll because they either teach us the skills necessary to handle distressful situation & our emotions or they don't & then we use what ever seems to work at the time & that is what ends up programming our mind's neuropathways.,,,,,,but those neuropathways can be reprogrammed once we learn needed skills & practice them over & over & over & over again. It takes a lot of work & a good T to hold you accountable for the work...but it is possible.

The mind can reprogram itself we see it with stroke victims & Traumatic Brain injuries (TBI's) all the time....so it is possible.

[cusack10]

we don't have T in china,just counselling.and yet it's expensive and intermingled.my family forbid to counselling.i don't have the enough money to try it out .so computer is all i have,been trying to find truthful talk via net,which is the only possible helping resouce and proves to work.so....

[cusack10]

forbid,you get me?no friends making,even.and the ppl around and society are with parents and so ok with what they do.that's the situation.

[cusack10]

Originally Posted by eskielover

It would be a good idea if you are getting away from your family to get into therapy & also get a psychiatrist who can actually Diagnose you appropriately. There may be more going on with you than JUST how you were treated by your parents.

It was only a few months ago when I was reading on Asperger's because several of my previous T's had suggested that the problems that I was having with my H could have been based on his being on the Autistic Spectrum.......sure enough....it explained ALL the troubles that I couldn't deal with in the bad marriage of 33 years before I finally left.

There can be underlying things that are wrong that without a diagnosis it's impossible to know what & how to work on one's problems.

Sorry....I don't skype.....just do PC posts & PM's

I wish you the best in sorting out your life.....parents do play a huge roll because they either teach us the skills necessary to handle distressful situation & our emotions or they don't & then we use what ever seems to work at the time & that is what ends up programming our mind's neuropathways.,,,,,,but those neuropathways can be reprogrammed once we learn needed skills & practice them over & over & over & over again. It takes a lot of work & a good T to hold you accountable for the work...but it is possible.

The mind can reprogram itself we see it with stroke victims & Traumatic Brain injuries (TBI's) all the time....so it is possible.

eskie,ty for a thorough reply,and sry,it's not a mistakened feeling,it objectively exists.
i don't understand why you all are so cautious to help out EACH OTHER at preferance of no chat.but i need to find truthful talk true chat,as i explained,that is the only way available for me,so will you help me out on that with providance of info and resources of this relavance.

[eskielover]

You might be able to find some help (self help) here"
DBT Self Help

DBT

I found DBT to be the greatest helpful therapy....but then again, I also had wonderful psychologists leading it & a wonderful psychologist who help tie if to my personal issues

[cusack10]

Originally Posted by eskielover

You might be able to find some help (self help) here"
DBT Self Help

DBT

I found DBT to be the greatest helpful therapy....but then again, I also had wonderful psychologists leading it & a wonderful psychologist who help tie if to my personal issues

Eskie,ty so much.but with all respects,is there just self help and no direct talk?you know,i have tried meditation and cognition stuff taught in books,it works to some degrees,but with all respects,downsized to the problem overall.i think i need direct talk,adding in some positive experiences with a sustantial span.in my case it is in a large scale about span or amount of positives and negatives by which things are decided.
I repeat that my parents forbid me from seeking help,no friends making,for instance,if i get out of the house for a while,their faces change when i get back.they can feel my joy and forming thoughts of indepedence from them,and they spoil it by means of faultfinding and oppression if i don't give in,yet they're so unlimited to do that sabotage.in that way my irreplacable peace to rest is done.so in the next day,i am too weary to socialize again.that's it.i just can't continue the precedures to build a relationship with outside.
And can't leave either,as i am not skilled to socialize,i can't adapt to the society.
Very hard to utter all these,hope you could understand.

[eskielover]

So what is keeping you stuck with your parents & why don't you leave if it's so bad?......I know for me with my bad marriage I felt trapped for so many years but was finally able to get free & I left as soon as it was possible. I understand financial issues....but if you don't do something now to start changing the ability to leave your family.....you are the only one who can do that. I found that we can't always depend on others to fix what is going on inside of us.....the bottom like is that there isn't a T in the world that can do that.....it always comes down to what we are willing to change & fix inside of us & sometimes depending on the DX, medications can help. Obviously while you are trapped with your family.....you are limited.....therefore YOU need to do whatever is necessary to get out & to get the help you really need since you can't get it where you are living. Until you leave situations that are seriously causing problems.....nothing will change in the first place.....I found that out the hard way also.

Leaving doesn't guarantee a fix if the problem IS internal.....but it does open the door to working on the things that are really bothering you about yourself since you will only be able to get outside help if you leave your parents who are limiting you.

Just chatting with people isn't going to fix your problems. Having a T doesn't mean that you will get help either....I went 20 years going to T's & got no help until I was able to get in with this current group after I left my H after 33 years of marriage.......there is nothing magical that will fix you....just a lot of hard work on your part which is something that can be done through self-help also....reading & understanding yourself better & learning skills are what we all need & is what helps......no one in reality can fix you but you.....T's are only there to guide.

[cusack10]

Originally Posted by eskielover

So what is keeping you stuck with your parents & why don't you leave if it's so bad?......I know for me with my bad marriage I felt trapped for so many years but was finally able to get free & I left as soon as it was possible. I understand financial issues....but if you don't do something now to start changing the ability to leave your family.....you are the only one who can do that. I found that we can't always depend on others to fix what is going on inside of us.....the bottom like is that there isn't a T in the world that can do that.....it always comes down to what we are willing to change & fix inside of us & sometimes depending on the DX, medications can help. Obviously while you are trapped with your family.....you are limited.....therefore YOU need to do whatever is necessary to get out & to get the help you really need since you can't get it where you are living. Until you leave situations that are seriously causing problems.....nothing will change in the first place.....I found that out the hard way also.

Leaving doesn't guarantee a fix if the problem IS internal.....but it does open the door to working on the things that are really bothering you about yourself since you will only be able to get outside help if you leave your parents who are limiting you.

Just chatting with people isn't going to fix your problems. Having a T doesn't mean that you will get help either....I went 20 years going to T's & got no help until I was able to get in with this current group after I left my H after 33 years of marriage.......there is nothing magical that will fix you....just a lot of hard work on your part which is something that can be done through self-help also....reading & understanding yourself better & learning skills are what we all need & is what helps......no one in reality can fix you but you.....T's are only there to guide.

The society in china,eskie.You could never find such etiquetts and rituals of talk as in here in chinese forums,let alone politeness.you don't know how chinese ppl do a conversation.wherever on net or in real life,whomever you are with is a worker or a white collar,or even a counsellor,ppl start a conversation with accusation of the one who brings out the problem for discussion,though ppl know within they have never done better than the asker themself, but they don't care,they are just eager to get the fun which they treat as a joy in oppressing someone weaker,which is sick.unless you have the power to fight back the accusers and have control on them to make them stop accusing,the conversation would never move to discussion of anything.the culture is all after power,yet so is the system.china is biggest dictatorship country out of several others existing now.
It's well known it has the biggest censorship mechanism over internet.
when you say something constructive,it won't pass the censor.while it do when you say some swearing and harming words to others.which is also sick.I am lost.i hope you are aware of the sickness in china and its ppl.i am lost and fail to provide more evidence,but i hope you could grant it for a second.Sure I am not talking about politics,i am talking about some basic rights are violated by the system as well as by the culture,such as freedom of expression.
So with factors above illustrated,i assume i am not reaching out asking for something positive in big,i may just want to be linked to politeness of modern civilication as a human.in a substantial amount.if it is possible and to be effective.

[cusack10]

Eskie, come in, ok?

[cusack10]

"Just chatting with people isn't going to fix your problems."

Eskie, have you noticed your this word, just a statement with no reasons given to it. obviously, it's something you and everyone doing best to avoid.

[cusack10]

Sure you said all of these resources won't garantee a heal. Come on, i never wanted a garantee. I just want a lead to my heal, a start that really leads to the road of healing. Still asking too much?

[cusack10]

Sigh...who is willing to talk to me....

[cusack10]

Originally Posted by eskielover

So what is keeping you stuck with your parents & why don't you leave if it's so bad?......I know for me with my bad marriage I felt trapped for so many years but was finally able to get free & I left as soon as it was possible. I understand financial issues....but if you don't do something now to start changing the ability to leave your family.....you are the only one who can do that. I found that we can't always depend on others to fix what is going on inside of us.....the bottom like is that there isn't a T in the world that can do that.....it always comes down to what we are willing to change & fix inside of us & sometimes depending on the DX, medications can help. Obviously while you are trapped with your family.....you are limited.....therefore YOU need to do whatever is necessary to get out & to get the help you really need since you can't get it where you are living. Until you leave situations that are seriously causing problems.....nothing will change in the first place.....I found that out the hard way also.

Leaving doesn't guarantee a fix if the problem IS internal.....but it does open the door to working on the things that are really bothering you about yourself since you will only be able to get outside help if you leave your parents who are limiting you.

Just chatting with people isn't going to fix your problems. Having a T doesn't mean that you will get help either....I went 20 years going to T's & got no help until I was able to get in with this current group after I left my H after 33 years of marriage.......there is nothing magical that will fix you....just a lot of hard work on your part which is something that can be done through self-help also....reading & understanding yourself better & learning skills are what we all need & is what helps......no one in reality can fix you but you.....T's are only there to guide.

another thing that keeps me stuck in this home, and offends my sleep rest if i leave for the society is similar in CONCEPT to the boy's situation in the movie the sixth sense,but mine is very easy to understand at an allowance to elaborate and explain, for it also happens in ppl lives but goes unnoticed most of time.

[dfwsteph]

I think what did it for me was the realization that nobody could do anything about it but me.

There's all these people (for me, including family) with all their own freaking opinions and they just don't matter unless I let them.

I had to just dig in and do what I knew I needed to do. I couldn't trust anyone else for that. Still made some mistakes but that's how we learn.

With age comes giving less of a damn what others do or think.

I meant to include with my last post, toward the end of my job, one of the complaints about me was that I was "intimidating" !! I actually said out loud "Cool, why I have spent so much of my life feeling intimidated?"

Try to champion yourself and be your own hero.
stephanie