[Edwyn]

This is my very first post at PC!

I grew up in a very puritanical Christian family where I was always told about "sin" and the "punishment for sin," it kind of got etched onto my brain. I was always a very timid and respectful male who didn't want to hurt other people's feelings. Most of all, I think, I didn't want people to judge me negatively or hurt me. I supposeI was protecting myself from the "punishment for sin" my parents told me of. It is very embarrassing, but when I was about 20 years old, a self-consciousness hit me. It's been with me ever since and hasn't let up. I became super self-conscious about where my eyes were pointing when I am talking to a woman.

When I am talking with a woman, I am looking straight into her eyes, but I am desperately resisting allowing the focus of my eyes to drop down to her chest. I guess I am terrified of how she'll react. I suppose I think that I am a pervert and am afraid of her drawing that conclusion about me. I am afraid of offending her, I'm afraid of drawing attention to myself, I am afraid she'll hate me and reject me.

Anyways, this anxiety about eye contact has developed into full fledged social anxiety disorder. I started avoiding my friends, hiding from girls, and even feeling anxious around family members. I used to believe that I was experiencing "lust" and that this was a moral problem: I just had to try harder to resist "temptation" and pray more about being forgiven by Jesus. Now, I realize that it is just social anxiety and fear of judgment. (But that's not to say I don't like breasts! ) I lost my virginity last year (age 25), at about the same time as I gave up on that shame and fear-based religion. But I still struggle with self-consciousness and anxiety.

Do any of you have this problem? What do you think? What do you recommend for recovery? Thanks for any words you might have!

~~~~~ Edwyn.

[January]

Hello Edwyn,

Welcome to PC. I'm glad you found us.

I suggest you go to a psychologist and get some counseling regarding your problem. Also a psychiatrist can help by giving you meds for Social Anxiety Disorder.

I was raised in a church very much like yours. For years I was terrified of not being able to find "my correct place" during the Rapture only to be left behind and I also was terrified for years that I was a witch.

I mention my past fears to make you see that I understand so very much. Please seek help from professionals and stay here at PC. You'll get a lot of support from loving, caring members.

I wish you well,

January

[tranquility]

Hi Edwyn,

Welcome to the site! Religion can do such damage to us if it's used as a threat while growing up. Me and my sister talk about that sometimes. She is 50 and hasn't been to church since she was 18 but she still freaks if she does something that she thinks is a "sin".

I agree with the post above about getting a bit of counseling about this. I'm wondering if you really have let go of the guilt and shame of the past?

Tranquility