[Desirae2]

It's been awhile since I've been on. The new job, college, and children are taking up all the lousy laying around on the Internet time I had before. I miss those times, then again I don't. I thought working and having somewhat of a so called like would make me happier, but still I'm suffering with numbness.

I think the worse of my problems is other people. I know it sounds as though I am blaming them for my miserableness, but it truly feels that way despite whether I want it to or not. I'm beginning to believe that they way I look effects the way people treat me. I always thought the bout of facial confidence would do the trick....but obvisouly people see right through that sham.

Anyway, I feel alone all the time. I feel I face my huge problems alone. I feel nothing goes instead it goes entirely wrong.

Some of what I am challenged with today is pretty serious. I'm exhausting from it all and have no where to turn. This is why I am so angry with PC at the moment...when I needed to be here I could not come.

I have to put my children in daycare for the first time tomorrow. This is devastating to me. I feel as though I've failed my motherly responsibilities. The reason they are going is not my job (that could easily be worked out through a shift change) but because I do not take good care of them anymore. It's difficult to admit but it is true.

Another is my college....I am a 3.81 GPA student, on the Deans List. I know my capabilities....but I've lacked in caring. My grades are still up to par by some miracle...but I seem to not care anymore.

There's so much more, it could be endless here. I wanted to keep this particular piece brief....so I will shut up now.

Hi Desirae,
I'm sorry you're having such a rough time and going through it alone. You're doing great in college and right now that seems to mean nothing to you but it will- so keep plugging away at it even though you think you don't care about it.
Why are you mad at PC? I didn't understand that. I noticed you're Desirae2 now. Did you delete your first membership because you were mad at PC?
((((((((((Desirae))))))))))))
It really sucks having to go through your hard times alone. Especially when you're married. Where's your husband at or is this about your husband?
Are other people being mean to you? I've come to terms with the fact that a lot of people suck and if you're lucky you may meet one or two who'll watch your back and be there for you. I'm trying to convince myself that's what I should focus on and forget about all the others who don't give a rat's *** about me. It may be worth sifting through those people for the rare and few good ones. You know what I mean?
Des, you sound so sad and alone. I hope you can find the time to talk with us when you need to again but I can see how that is a challenge with everything going on in your life.
No, you did not fail as a mother-you're probably just tired. You're working a job and going to school, you're taking care of a house and you're taking care of kids. Give yourself a break. It'll be good for the kids to go to daycare. It'll help to socialize them. Don't feel bad.

[bebop]

des welcome back hon. to me it seems you are overwhelmed right now. try to take a good deep breath and try to relax a little if at all possible. leave some of the responsibility to your husband!

[Raynaadi]

(((( Desirae ))))))

I'm so sorry about your frustrations with your original account here. I hope we can get things straightened up! I'm so glad you're back, even though you've got a 2 next to your name now haha. Hope thats only temporary.

You sound like a very strong woman and you know what you want and where your goals are. Set your mind to do it and you'll do it. I agree with Bebop, time for hubby to start helping!

Welcome back and please keep posting. Talking about it all takes some of the power away....we're here.

(((( Des ))))))

~Rayna

(Edited because I spelled Bebop's name Bebob. Bebob, haha!)

[seeker1950]

Des..
I so admire you for pursuing your education, on top of all the other things you face! You WILL succeed!
I know your conflict about placing your children in daycare.
I faced the same and it was wrenching! Maybe, though, they will actually enjoy it! My daughter's twins attended a day school from age 2, still in diapers, and they loved it, and have learned a lot! Maybe yours will love it as well!
Please continue to post here. We are here for you!~
Love
Patty

[January]

(((((((((( Des ))))))))))))

I know you are a tough lady. I'm so sorry things are so bad for you right now. I know your children are the most important things in the world to you.

If you want to, please feel free to send a pm. I am sending good thoughts and prayers for you.

Hugs,

Jan