Immature

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Be honest with me all ok.. I want that, and I do deserve that from all of you !!!
This has came up recently in a few converstaions at school, about how there "adult kids act" and someon said they wanted there kids to act more like me, with a head on straight and narrow and know what they wanted out of life?
I have been told recently that I am "immatrue" how so?
How do I act that way?
I am jsut wondering, so I can stop doing what ever it is, that I am doing to act like that, I thougth I had out grown that habit,
I have been through "hatis' and back with both of my babies to hvae them in my life, and to keep them in my life, on a daily basis, so I do not fully understand why someone would say I am immature?????

I will never say anything bad about anyone else, nor do I try to hurt others, yes I do understand conflicts with each other happen, and I have openly aploigedes to others if I have hurt them and I have tried not to hurt others on the fourms here..
If I have I will say sorry now.. and post it again if necssary..
but this immatrue comment has shook me beyond words. and has also hurt me beyond words and this time it has crushed an inner part of me that I had bulit up, and thought I had been able to put away, and now I am not so sure about..

If anyone would help me on this I would greatly apperciate it, if not, that is ok too. .
Thank you in advance..

<font color=purple>
The light is around me now
I see it so clearly now
I feel him in my heart
Lord God has set me free.
Let me rejoice in you
Let me be free
I love the lord God.
I have been Saved by your Grace and love today...04/11/04

LD

In my dealings with you here I never thought of you any way as "immature." It's not something that ever crossed my mind until you brought it up now.

However I have found that some people think maturity (dealing with things responsibly, making good decisions, supporting oneself, etc.) somehow ALSO means that thing like having fun, enjoying the things we did in childhood, etc, must be given up when someone reaches "adulthood". A lot of times (not all) people like this are very "serious" and unhappy in their own lives, and anyone they see pursuing fun and happy things they declare as "immature" out of jealousy. I'm 42, I have a stuffed dog, ride rollercoasters like a kid (indeed many times I act like a kid when I am out having fun) and have a houseful of toys (not just star wars toys, which some people write off as "collectables" of course they don't see when I take them out of the box and play with them ). Heck, of me, and the one with ed koch <A target="_blank" HREF=http://www.idexter.com/click-and-tell/fanforce/index.html>here (near the bottom), both of them photos of me out in public wearing my yoda hat were taken when I was 37 years old. Not exactly the image of adult responsibility . But I also (normally) hold an impressive job, live on my own, make mature decisions, etc.

IOW many people think "maturity" and "childlike behavior" (or even simply having any sort of fun) are mutually exclusive. I believe the opposite... to me people who deny themselves the joy of life are simply "acting mature" rather than being mature. Does the phrase "act your age" come to mind? I'll act like ME thankyouverymuch.

Certainly people outgrow things from their childhood, but that is not the same as pushing aside things from their childhood, which I believe is a very bad thing to do.

So is it possible that these people are reacting to your style and hobbies, your love of dragons for example, and labeling you as "immature" because they "don't aprove" or in their minds believe it is something you should have "grown out of?" If so I wouldn't worry about it ONE BIT. That has no reflection at all as to how you take care of yourself and and others, and most importantly the priorities you have in life. I think having fun is an important priority too BTW as long as it is not your only priority.

There is also an issue of knowing when behavior is appropriate. I was singing the Spiderman theme song while in the shower this morning, and it brought back memories of waiting in lines for rollercoasters with my friends and doing stuff like that to pass the time. No doubt to some others that might have seemed like childish behavior. I would want to know who put the stick up their, well, you know where... at a theme park for gosh sake! What better place to act like a child!

But we certainly wouldn't be singing the spiderman theme song at a place like... ok I can't think of a place where we wouldn't (or didn't) do that but you get the point. Not knowing when certain behavior is inappropriate might be a sign of immaturity, but childish behaviour itself is not immaturity. And Lady D, from your responses here on topics that are fun and topics that are very serious in nature I can't imagine that being a problem with you IRL.

You know more about how you behave around people in the 3-D world but I would at least like you to consider the very real possibility that the person who said this has a very misguided sense of what immaturity is. Is is someone you know well? Don't forget that people also tend to make judgements very quickly and if they saw you having some fun once that might have put the "immaturity" bug in their head.

Also please see my reply to Septmorn
-- The world is what we make of it --
-- Dave
-- <A target="_blank" HREF=http://www.idexter.com>http://www.idexter.com</A>

Thank you Dex,
I can be this way, when i am with people that I am having fun with, and thinking they are having fun along with me.. But I quess I should watch who I take under my "wings" and let into my my "house" anymore... My heart is still very tender over some things that have happaend in my family recently that I have not been able to talk about, for I am not sure how to talk about them, and now this.. Just makes me very unsure how to act??

But thank you for the vote of encourgement I needed it.



<font color=purple>
The light is around me now
I see it so clearly now
I feel him in my heart
Lord God has set me free.
Let me rejoice in you
Let me be free
I love the lord God.
I have been Saved by your Grace and love today...04/11/04

Hi Trish, I am sorry that you have been hurt in this way. I personally have always disliked terms like "immature" as I am very sensitive and get hurt by labels. I can also be "childlike" but I think that is a completely different thing to being "immature". I think Dex's reply was good. I hope you feel better soon. Just keep on being you. Although we had a disagreement over an issue a while back, I was being too sensitive. It was over and done with long ago for me, as it was for you too. I am sorry this reply is so disjointed, I am having a fuzzy/foggy day.

I really like and respect the way you are so loving and caring and have a kind word for everyone. I hope you can let go of the hurt from this soon.

(((((((((((((((Trish)))))))))))))))

Take gentle care,
Love,
Fuzzy

Thank you my fuzzy wuzzy teddy bear ..

I am sorry you are having a foggy day.. I can relate to those kind of days..

and Thank you for the kind words..
Yes our misunderstnading is behind both of us, has been and will be..
((((((((((((((( hugs to you ))))))))))))))))


<font color=purple>
The light is around me now
I see it so clearly now
I feel him in my heart
Lord God has set me free.
Let me rejoice in you
Let me be free
I love the lord God.
I have been Saved by your Grace and love today...04/11/04

LD, I'm with Dave 100%. Don't worry about what other people think or say about you, be yourself! Only you have to live in your skin and ultimately, only you know what makes you happy and at ease with yourself.

Dave is right. People will accuse you of things they don't like in themselves out of jealousy. Maybe the person that called you "immature" doesn't know the meaning of the word, eh?

I was told once that I have a "child-like quality." (very different from "childish"!) At first, I was offended, but when they explained to me that "quality" is a good thing, that it made me special in their eyes, then I was very happy that I have that "quality." After all, it's the "child" in us that makes us creative. It's the "child" in us that makes us fun loving, playful and fun.

Also, you need to consider who called you that. Are they that important in your life? If not, then who the heck cares what they think?? Who are they to pass judgement on you?

{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{Lady D}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}





<font color=blue>"Our doubts are traitors and make us lose the good we oft might win by fearing to attempt" --Shakespeare</font color=blue>

>> But I quess I should watch who I take under my "wings" and let into my my "house" anymore...

If there are certain people who you feel don't respond well to your "fun side" I guess it is ok to watch your behaviour... but I wouldn't make it a general rule and certainly not let it cut into your fun time or effect the "real" side of your personality. Find more people who who like to have fun with you! Someone here has a great sig: "if you can't change the people around you, change the people around you."

I couldn't think of an example of when I wouldn't be silly with Michelle but I guess that is one right there. If we were with someone who we cared about, valued their friendship, and they happened to be the sort who might be embarressed when people draw attention to themselves the way miki and i inevitably do... then we would likely "tone it down" if we were out with them. It would be out of respect for them. And we certainly could still have our own kind of fun without being "flamboyant" about it.

You know best the situation. If it seems like there are times when it is effecting your friendships with people you care about, or effecting work or school or career or whatever, i certainly don't want to tell you "to heck with them! be yourself!" but I would hate to see you change just for the sake of pleasing others.

Like EVERYTHING in life it is a matter of finding the right balance, and only you know where that balance is for you.

I guess in some way bottom line is not to feel bad about it or that it is a character flaw that needs to be changed or something. In fact I definitely think that is a great attribute of character. I certainly seek out people who like to have fun the same ways that i do. But if there are times that you make the decision to "act" more mature just for the sake of making the situation easier, and I guess ultimately making yourself more comfortable in the situation. And that is quite different than trying to make a fundamental change in yourself.

That really is the case everywhere. I certainly wouldn't wear shorts and my yoda hat to a wedding or funeral (with an exception for the funeral of Chuckles the Clown from the infamous Mary Tyler Moore episode... and also I actually did wear my yoda hat at a wedding, but it was an unofficial cerimony of two star wars fans that got married while on line for episode II... they are in the Triumph the Dog sketch of that event) But that doesn't mean that wearing the yoda hat is a bad thing. There are times when I choose not to draw attention to myself for my own comfort.

I'm rambling again.

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--http://www.idexter.com

{{{{{{{{{{Trish}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}

I am sorry that you've been hurt by someone's comments. They must not know you very well, huh? xoxoxoxoxox

Please don't let someone's spiteful comments hurt the person you are.

Mary Alice

I am trying very hard not to let this person hurt me..
I have thougth a great deal about what was told to me.. and I am starting to think that the person does not know me very well.

See I choose whom I let into my life as you already know, and when I came to this forum I was hurting badly, and I never really opended up a great deal, and this is one of the reasons why.. for when I do, I got called names.. Now I now a mature person would not let that hurt, but when your heart is already broken and bleeding, what are you supposed to do?????

<font color=purple>
The light is around me now
I see it so clearly now
I feel him in my heart
Lord God has set me free.
Let me rejoice in you
Let me be free
I love the lord God.
I have been Saved by your Grace and love today...04/11/04

hmmm

you have given me many things to think on dex..

your insight is wonderful
Thank you..
I will think on what you have written and ponder what it will do to hlep me become a better person in my life.. and go from there ok.
Thank you for the kind words today..
I do apperciate them

<font color=purple>
The light is around me now
I see it so clearly now
I feel him in my heart
Lord God has set me free.
Let me rejoice in you
Let me be free
I love the lord God.
I have been Saved by your Grace and love today...04/11/04

I have been myself always.. I do not put on faces around others for that would not be me..

My mom always told me you only get one chance to make a first imperssion and i am me all the time

<font color=purple>
The light is around me now
I see it so clearly now
I feel him in my heart
Lord God has set me free.
Let me rejoice in you
Let me be free
I love the lord God.
I have been Saved by your Grace and love today...04/11/04

>> Now I now a mature person would not let that hurt,

I think recognizing your feelings, being able to protect yourself when necessary, is a sign of maturity. I think someone who "doesn't hurt" is just hiding that hurt from others and maybe even from themselves. In terms of enlightenment I think the path we are all on is toward better understanding of ourselves and our place in the world. That is what growing is.

I understand that it is hard to open up. I don't think you should open up for the sake of "showing maturity". Opening up may help more and more if you become comfortable with it and find people you trust to open up to.

I think I'd say for the most part, just being a part of this community... recognizing we have a problem or problems, choosing to work on them rather than hide them from the world (even if we keep them private to "outsiders") and coming here to share and help others is a HUGE sign on maturity.

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--http://www.idexter.com

you are very correct in what you hve said Dex...

Showing we hve problems is a sign of maturity, but when we show too much and tell to much and get hurt in the process, then what do we do when we get called "immature" when we get hurt????

That is my main concern... but I quess I will let this pass like most of the other things that hve happend to me.. I will let it ebb and flow over me and grow from this hurtful thing and just move on...
I am not gong to let it get me down any longer for I now in my heart I am not this way, I am a growing person I grow a litlte each and every day. I have to for I have to wonderful childern, and I have to learn to do better by them, and for them.
I also have to keep learning to grow in my eduaction at school and at my home life so I do not make the same mistakes i have made in the past, so my futer will be a brighter tommorw than last time...

Love to all
thank you again Dex.....

<font color=purple>
The light is around me now
I see it so clearly now
I feel him in my heart
Lord God has set me free.
Let me rejoice in you
Let me be free
I love the lord God.
I have been Saved by your Grace and love today...04/11/04

>> Showing we hve problems is a sign of maturity, but when we show too much and tell to much and get hurt in the process, then what do we do when we get called "immature" when we get hurt????

>> I am not gong to let it get me down any longer for I now in my heart I am not this way,

I think you answered your own question. That's the goal at least, hard to do in practice but that is the right attitude to take. I tend to get hurt very very easily even from comments from total strangers. It is hard to see past that sometimes. There are times in my life when I've had many good friends, knowing that so many good people seemed to like me made it easier to get past the bad comments of a few. They still effected me though.



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--http://www.idexter.com

Thank you Dexter,, y ou are getting better at saying the right things..
you need to be a mod.. you would make a wonderful addation to the modeartors on this site..

<font color=purple>
The light is around me now
I see it so clearly now
I feel him in my heart
Lord God has set me free.
Let me rejoice in you
Let me be free
I love the lord God.
I have been Saved by your Grace and love today...04/11/04

(((((((((((((((((( 4 LADY D. ))))))))))))))))))) BEN : )

Hi Lady,

Well, "the times, they are changing", like sang B Dylan.

From my point of view-so it's not an empirical study-for what I see and can figure out, well, the young generation, in general, doesn't know how to be and how to relate to others.

I wonder sometimes where it's gonna lead us...

Take care Lady,

Sincerely,

Starbuck

Born in 1963 of French mom and Canadian dad. Majors in History and Theology. Master in Sociology.

hmm you put a differnt spin on things star.. thank you

<font color=purple>
The light is around me now
I see it so clearly now
I feel him in my heart
Lord God has set me free.
Let me rejoice in you
Let me be free
I love the lord God.
I have been Saved by your Grace and love today...04/11/04

Thank you ben..
Thank you a lot

<font color=purple>
The light is around me now
I see it so clearly now
I feel him in my heart
Lord God has set me free.
Let me rejoice in you
Let me be free
I love the lord God.
I have been Saved by your Grace and love today...04/11/04

Hi Lady, thank you.

I would dare to say that, in my own ways, I'm immature.

Never knew what I had to do and when to start, guess I've miss the strating gun.

Bye,

Starbuck

Born in 1963 of French mom and Canadian dad. Majors in History and Theology. Master in Sociology.

Whenever I was having fun with my friend Amy and we started doing something silly I would always say "I think I'm experiencing my second childhood."

And she would always raise her eyebrow and look at me and say: "Second childhood? I don't think you've finished with the first one yet!"



She still says that to me

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--http://www.idexter.com

but see that is part of the fun of being an adult we are allowed to act sillie once and awhile.. if we do not,

"[i]all work and no play makes jake a dull person[i]"

<font color=purple>
The light is around me now
I see it so clearly now
I feel him in my heart
Lord God has set me free.
Let me rejoice in you
Let me be free
I love the lord God.
I have been Saved by your Grace and love today...04/11/04

na you are not immature.. for you are here looking for help..
that is a very good sign of matture in my book

<font color=purple>
The light is around me now
I see it so clearly now
I feel him in my heart
Lord God has set me free.
Let me rejoice in you
Let me be free
I love the lord God.
I have been Saved by your Grace and love today...04/11/04

Well thank you, Lady
Starbuck

Born in 1963 of French mom and Canadian dad. Majors in History and Theology. Master in Sociology.