stupid immature people...might trigger

i went to visit my brother at his new college yesterday. we met at a store and then we were going to go out to lunch. he brought his new girlfriend with because he wanted me to be the first in the family to meet her. i thought that it was nice of him to think of me as part of the family. but his girlfriend brought all her stupid friends with. when we went to lunch my brother went to the bathroom and they started asking me all these stupid questions like we were in middle school or something. they brought up guys...it was fine and everything but they had to bring me into the stupid conversation. my brother came back and he heard them. he knows about my past abuse and tried to get them to stop bugging me. but his girlfriend is stupid and immature and she "insisted" that they kept up the conversation. they started to almost taunt me saying things like...aaww is she still a virgin....well since she wont talk about it she must be....or she's just a ***** and it would take to much time to explain it all....we just want to know about your first time. seriously what kind of losers would want to know such personal information. my first time i was raped and plenty of times after that too. i just wanted to scream. i told my brother that he should never bring his stupid girlfriend to the rest of the family. i wanted to say something much worse but i didnt. i went home and cried like a little baby all night. i feel so weak now. i couldnt hold myself while they were taunting me. i feel useless. sometimes i feel like a good person...but after that i feel like a failure.
i hate myself for letting them say those things and bring up so many memories. now i cant stop thinking...its like my past is becoming my present.

I am so sorry that happened. People can be so insensitive at times. Please try and see how you are no failure. You survived and you are so much more than they know. I am sorry it stirred up old feelings and memories. Please take care.

BB

you have nothing to hate yourself for damajdancer! they sound like a bunch of clueless hens pecking on a prettier bird (you!! )

that's rotten to have experienced that. it is good you could tell your brother and that he understood and tried to stop them. that his new gf didn't listen to his request says a lot about who she is.

they sound like a bunch of twitty idiots who don't deserve the energy they're stealing from ya.

there is nothing wrong w/ you. you're not weak. and you're certainly not a failure!!

we too didn't get to choose our first time so the topic is triggery to us as well. we share that painful reality too. ((damajdancer)) for your courage to share here and for speaking up to your brother.

it sounds like only an airhorn (marine horn?) or megaphone would get the attention of those biddies...so don't go blaming yourself for not being able to get across to them. they weren't listening anyway!! and they're not worth your energy now. you'll learn how to deflect ppl like that as you keep healing. we believe in you.

damajdancer,

I am sorry for what you went through and for these insensitive people who drew out so much of your pain.

One thing struck me in particular about what you wrote. I can relate to your feelings about the "first time". It's like we live forever knowing that the "first time" was not about love, as it should be. I stuggled with that for a long time. I guess, for me, I had to change how I looked at it. It wasn't really my "first time" after all. What was done to me was about violence. My real "first time" was the time it was about love, a time I picked, a time I experienced, a time my will was not taken from me.

It's a bit more liberating to see it this way, to redefine my life in a way that matches the truth as I see it.

Hope these perspectives help.

be well,

mtd

(((((damajdancer))))) I am so sorry! I don't know why people are so stuid! There is nothing you did wrong! I have kids your age and I'm uncomfortable with those questions.

May I ask if you spoke to your brother about the situation later and what was his opinion? Did he think differently about the girl he was seeing?

I don't know what part his girlfriend played in the situation, she may just be weak. Too weak to stand up to her friends. In any event it doesn't say much about her character, and I hope that you're brother sees that her treatment or lack of compassion for you is a major character flaw.

Thank you everyone for your kind words and support. Im still down about this whole thing. I don't know why but i can't stop thinking about it and how it could have turned out differently. I did talk to my brother...he is the only family I have, my other family disowned me kind of. But he agrees that she was stupid. He said he was going to talk to her about it. I told him I didn't want that. He also said that he was wrong about her. But I rarely see him anyways so what he does is his business. It still hurt me though.