Am I wrong?

I'm having mixed feeling about what to do with my life. I am considering giving up my apartment to be homeless again--temporarily. I am on unemployment right now with no insurance. I might barely be able to squeeze by keeping my apartment, but I would have to forego paying other expenses, like personal or household items, maybe even paying the electric bill. I applied for and should be getting financial assistance to pay the electric bill, but it will take several weeks to go through. And with gas prices so high, there is no telling if I will always have fuel for my car. I can get some things like food, clothing or personal health items from the shelter or pantries, so I can save some with that. But still things would really cut close, or more likely, go over budget. If I leave my apartment, it will give me a little more money for budgeting--perhaps just enough--and I would be more comfortable with that. I'm afraid that otherwise, I'll end up almost begging for gas money for the car, or for just anything. I've been in that situation, not knowing where my next source would be. It would sometimes limit how often I saw my kids and got to do things with them. If I was homeless, I wouldn't be able to spend overnight time with my kids for the time being, but we could still at least have time during the day like we did before. I'm very undecided about what to do. What else, I used to work (volunteer) at the homeless shelter in my county. I don't like their current therapist (social worker) either--I've been stuck using him before at a different shelter and he has no idea what he's doing. Told me that I'm normal--despite that I told him about my eating habits and that after a friend was attacked, I started getting PTSD symptoms again. But, he said that all was "normal" and would happen to anyone. He said that if I lost weight and was 100 pounds again, then maybe he'd consider that a problem. If you know anything about my eating habits from chat or the ED forum, then you know he's a little off on saying that what I do is normal. I went back to my old homeless shelter that I used to be a "member" of in a different county, but still close, to see if I had any option to join them if I decided. I didn't think I could, but figured it was worth a try. They said no services, but I could pop in for lunch, food, clothes, etc. (By the way as a side note, this location serves GREAT hot lunches!) The overnight sleeping shelters are closed for the winter season. With the weather warmer, I could always sleep on the beach out in the sun if it doesn't rain. I could figure something out. Anyway, could I hear some opinions from out there on what I should do? I know this is tough, but I'd like to hear your ideas.

I have no good solutions, or even any ideas...I really can't relate with some of your struggles, but my heart goes out to you.
Hang in there.

Inkblot
I feel for you. Is it possible to find a roomate to help with the expenses? That would cut your costs in half. I would go to the shelter as my last resort. If you feel your at the end of your rope (finacially) maybe you could talk to someone in the social assistance office. I'm sure they would be of help to you. Keep us posted. I know you feel alone and helpless, but there are always people out there to assist.

"you only have one chance to make a first impression"

It's a good idea, but I think my kid's psychologist might be wary of getting a roommate. I had one before, and he seemed cautious. My kid was more anxious around my roommate, too, so that was also of concern.

Maybe it was that roommate in particular. You do have to be careful about who you get for a roommate, but having someone to share expenses can be a good option.

I do relate to your dilemma, as I have thought about living out of my car at several points in my life. The first was when I was 18 and I wanted that badly to get away from my parents I thought about just never going home, and sleeping in the car. I wasn't ever home during the day. I had my self scheduled from 8 in the morning until 10 at night, and if there was a gap in the schedule I found someone else's house to run away to for a few hours. The first year I went away to college I had saved up the rent for the whole year (the whole year was $800), but the apartment I was in the next year was more and I couldn't get a good job. But I didn't have a car either, so other options were looking more attractive that time. I've never had decent jobs myself, but although I haven't had a lot of money I haven't really lacked for the basics either. Anyway, the idea of living out of a car comes to mind as I think of trying to get through graduate school too. I would have an address, where my husband & kids live, but just might not be able to get home every day. Still, not having a place to live just doesn't sound like much fun. It's harder to get a job if you don't have an address too.

Can you get unemployment? Food stamps? It does sound like you have some ideas on how to get by. I'm sorry it isn't easy for you, and hope that you can get a job soon.

About the social worker, maybe he can only give services to a certain number of people and had to justify not being able to include you. Or maybe he thought that what you wanted to hear was that you were ok. You do seem to get by somehow, but that doesn't make you less deserving of having help and treatment for your problems.

{{{{{{{hugs}}}}}}}

Wendy

<font color=orange>"If we are going to insist that people pull themselves up by their own bootstraps, we must ensure that they have boots."</font color=orange>

i lived in my car awhile for twelve weeks in nebraska and Santa Fe... was agreat experience even though some days I worried about being harrassed as I slept or that I couldnt afford cigs and gas...

Really really learned a lot in those weeks... the value of hot water... a bathroom or shower... but i never prayed so much or so sincerely... wish i had kept a journal.. spent my time drawing and dreaming and unwinding....

Homelessness is something I also have an interest in... i befriend many of the homeless in my area, in Denver there are estimated to be 10,000 homelss. Some have had this way of life many years and wouldn't trade it for a day job or apartment...

I think it would be important to maintain ties with a link back to mainstream...a helpful relative, a pastor or doctor/therapist... although it is a more carefree way, it was more challenging to reintegrate than i thought it would be...

On the otherhand, it can be somethging like a cleansing of all the "gunk"

Do you think you'd still be able to stop by here?

"Our greatest glory is not in never falling, but rising every time we fall." Confucius

Hi Ink. I can really relate. The thing about going homeless for a while is that if you decide to get an apartment again, you'll have to come up with the deposit etc. Is there housing assistance where you live? The waiting list is usually long, I know. If your partial assistance is coming through in a few wekks, I think I'd hold out. You have kids that you visit and it's probably pretty important to them to get to stay at your place. A lot of times at public assistance places you can also get emergency aid. My opinion is that if you're not behind in anything yet, stay where you are and look for help from some agencies to get you over the hump. Good luck to you! My thoughts will be with you. Wish I had some extra cash. It would be yours. But it seems the people who are willing to help never have the money and the ones who aren't, do. Not all the time though.

That is a tough position which I can relate to. I certainly wouldn't give up my apartment and becoming homeless, even if it meant going without other things. I understand, I struggled long with that one myself and lost a lot of friendships and other things in the process, for no better reason than not being able to work and pay the bills and mortgage.
I would suggest qualifying for medicaid or SSI then moving into a rent controlled and income scalled housing project run by the government before going homeless. Homeless is the worse. But like molst things you're going to have to get up and move on it fast.

Inky, if I were you, I'd hang on to a roof over my head over anything else. I've been to the point of eviction for not paying rent, but it takes so much to put someone out in the street that I stayed and fought it out. That's just me, though.

My best to you. Keep us posted, ok?





<font color=blue>"Our doubts are traitors and make us lose the good we oft might win by fearing to attempt" --Shakespeare</font color=blue>

{{{{{inkblot}}}}}

Do what you feel is best for you... I think you already made that decision on what needs to be done. I wish you the best of luck, hang in there.

<font color=red>~Sundance~</font color=red>

<font color=blue>"Never react emotionally to criticism. Analyze yourself to determine whether it is justified. If it is, correct yourself. Otherwise, go on about your business."</font color=blue>

<font color=black>Norman Vincent Peale</font color=black>