Trouble in paradise

I am not sure whether to post this in the general forum or the medication forum or the depression forum. I guess I’ll post it here. I stopped taking my meds for a few weeks. Now I feel like crap. I was doing so well, I thought I could go without them. I take abilify, lamictal, wellbutrin and Dexedrine. Oh, yeah and my antabuse. It just seems like I am on too many meds. The wellbutrin makes my brain a little foggy and causes a few problems with my memory. I guess the side effects are better than going crazy. I hate taking meds. My depression is coming back, the intrusive thoughts are back…I have started the meds again but I know it is going to take awhile before they kick in.

In some ways taking an antipsychotic, a mood stabilizer and an antidepressant makes me feel crazy—like it means I have mental health issues. I just want to be normal—I don’t want to have a mental illness. I am not asking for a lot—I just want to go to work and take care of my house and such without being medicated to the gills. I’d like to be able to just drink a beer. I don’t want to have to go to therapy or see a psychiatrist. I am tired of journaling about my moods. And I don’t want to do relaxation techniques for panic attacks. I want to go through life without being worried about triggers or how something is going to effect my mental health. I am tired of the constant maintenance it takes for me to stay sane.

Sounds like you are exhausted...did your psychiatrist help you tritrate off the meds or did you go cold turkey...either way probably a good idea to call...

(((((((dePressMe))))))))
I hope you stopped taking the meds under physician care....either way you should call your Pdoc and let them know so you can get back on them and get yourself feeling better.
Take care
Snow

(((((((( DePressMe ))))))))))

You have so eloquently written what every one of us have felt at one time. None of us wants to be ill. None of us want to have to take meds.

Please know you are not alone. I hope your meds kick in soon for you.

Hugs,

Jan

Quitting my meds was my idea—I did it cold turkey. I have called my pdoc and he is helping me titrate back up. It just takes awhile for them to get back into my system and start working.

Thanks for being here to support me.

I quit my meds once, too. I just decided I could and would do without them. I didn't want to depend on pills to get through my life. I almost destroyed myself by doing that.

I now take my meds and for the most part, am so much better. You can do it. Hang in there.

Hugs,

Jan

> I quit my meds once, too.

I did too. Nothing happened. I did not feel any different.

Later I started on them again. Essentially they had no effect. I finally did decide to quit and resist people's attempts to get me back on them. No psychotropic medication I have ever taken (probably 20 or more different ones) ever helped me more than a tiny bit; some made things worse.

I now have a good therapist and am exploring frightening things from my past. It has made a lot of difference.

((((((((((((((DePressMe))))))))))))))))

This is all a learning experience hon. I know it's not easy accepting that these meds make life better for you even when you want so desperately to not have to depend on them.

I like to think of it this way.......If you had heart problem or high blood pressure and needed the meds every day to control those issues, if you stopped them, it could have dire consequences. Yes, taking them can be a pain in the arse, but they are necessary for wellbeing. I feel the same about meds for a mental illness/imbalance. They are there to help you get through each day in a better place. A mental illness to me, is no different than a heart problem. It's a part of our body, there are things that can go wrong in any part of our body.

It's almost like taking an antibiotic.....the doc tells you to finish the script even if you begin to feel better before you are done with the bottle. By doing that, you may be allowing the illness to regroup and strike again. Even though you were feeling good on the meds, you might not want to stop them cold turkey as it can have a rebound affect.

I hope that they kick in soon for you and you are back on the upswing hon. We're here for you and support you through it all! Hang in there.....you'll be back on track again soon!



Hugssss
J

i think so many of us feel the same way you do.hate taking the meds..hate the illness....i've thought i was "better" and stopped taking my meds in the past....big mistake!!.....what we need to remember that alot of us have chemical imbalances....we can't control this except with meds.......hang in there...you will get back on level ground.........pm me if you need support......

One of my physicians said that trying to get myself off was dangerous when it had taken so long to find the right med. If you kick it and subsequently need it, the med can stop working.

I hear ya DePressMe.......its soooo darn hard to accept illness. I think that all the time too.....why can't I just be normal? Why can't I just have a beer? Why do I have to do these darn injections every other day? Why am I now taking more medication for fatigue etc etc etc, why me why me why me.

The only thing I can do in these moments when I think my life is terrible, is make a gratitude list. If I dwell on nothing but the negative, it will lead me to drink an 18-pack or die.....I was in this spot about 6 months ago and it SUCKED. Luckily I didn't drink and obviously I'm still alive.

A friend of mine likes to say that a person constantly living in gratitude will have an easier time accepting the difficulties. I really find that to be true. Instead of focusing on what I don't have, ie physical or mental health, I try and focus on what I do have. I have my sobriety, my friends, a roof over my head, food to eat, family, PsychCentral, internet, a working computer, books, pictures, my cat, my bf and his cats, music.....the list can go on and on.

Its easier for me to stay happy and focused when I stay in the solution and stay in gratitude. Those moments of "why me" still slip in, and I still get resentful when I do an injection and it hurts, but I instantly say to myself, "it may hurt, but its keeping the MS in remission, so its worth it."

I think its all of us that are normal......and the "normal" ones are the weird ones!!!!! You know why? Because everyone here understands me......and I understand them......and the "normal" people make no sense to me.

Keep trudgin, and I hope you feel better soon.

Rayna

Sometimes it is hard to stick with the gratitude. Today my SO and I worked in the yard all day and then cooked out on the grill. It was a nice day. I do feel grateful for the people I have in my life—especially when they come help me get things done because they know I can’t get them done on my own. I have also received wonderful support from people here at PC. Really, when I think about it, I do have a lot to be grateful for. Even though I am having a bit of a rough spell, I am still better off than I was when I was drinking and completely depressed. I am sure things will turn around and until then I am going to keep checking in here and just keep plugging along in life…