[SunshineGold03]

I don't know what happened tonight one minute I was watching TV and the next minute my inner thigh started to bother me alot so I started thinking what if my lymph is swollen, what if it is swollen because I have cancer, if the cancer is the lymph nodes then I have progressive cancer and will do soon. You know the whole snowball effect of OCD thinking going from 0 to 100 in 2 seconds flat. This caused me to go right into panic attack mode couldn't breath, ringing in the ears, sweaty, etc. I took 1.5mg of my Klonopin which totally hate doing. And then sat done and began to cry which I am still doing because then everything just started hitting me at once the fact that I can't seem to land a job, we have not been able to produce children yet, we have little money to speak of, and I have gained 60lbs over the past 2 years and use to be super thin....its just all getting to me and all I want to do now is get drunk and numb myself I suppose.
Having a really bad night.

Jenn

Jenn

[dexter]

{{{{{{sunshine}}}}}}

Too bad we don't have brain state patrollers who could pull our brains over and give them tickets for speeding.

I really know the feeling. I find myself a lot lately shouting "stop it!" out loud to myself to keep the thought from racing and driving me nuts. It helps most of the time but often I have to do it a lot of times in succession before I can really move on to something else.

I hope you can find some peace tonight and have a good night's sleep. That is the most difficult part for me but I have been doing much better lately.

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--http://www.idexter.com

[(JD)]

sorry to hear this... do you have any meds you can take to help you? maybe you need an adjustment on them?

<font color=blue> meditation is a true way to connect to the Source </font color=blue>

[Beautiful_Pain]

Sunshine...that's been me lately as well. I don't drink (never really did, tried it for awhile as soon as I became legal) but I have been wanting to go out drink LOADS lately.

It's not a good feeling, and I hope you find a way to overcome it soon {{sunshine}}



<font color=purple>Pain can indeed be a beautiful thing</font color=purple>

[bptoo]

((((((((((Sunshine))))))))))

It's so tough when your brain kicks into that gear that the rest of you can't handle. As Dave said, a speeding ticket might help....I'm sorry you had such a rough night, and I hope it got better. I hope today is a lot better. I will think a good thought for you today.

Greg



"Beauty is truth, truth is beauty - that is all you know on earth, and all you need to know"

[SunshineGold03]

Thanks everyone for your warm thoughts I am much better today. I was overdue for relapse I suppose. I didn't get drunk last night but I did take my Klonopin which is prescribed for me as needed. Shortly after I took the Klonopin I fell right asleep. Again thanks you guys for you all your loving support!

Jenn

[dexter]

I'm so glad you found some relief and was able to do so in a "prescribed" fashion.

You said in your first post that you hate taking the Klonopin, is that because you don't like the way it makes you feel or do you just not like the idea of relying on the meds?

I find that sometimes meds or procedures that I am reluctant to do turn out very easy and effective. But the next time I have to do it I forget if it was easy and so the fear returns. So I like to keep a separate journal to remind me of these things, also bad reactions (so I can prepare) and for some of my medical problems that only occur only occasionally.

I also keep how long it takes the medicine to react and how long until I'm back on my feet. So if I become ill again and I'm taking a med for two days with no effect I can check and see, "oh yea, I usually don't feel better until five days" rather than panicking.

If this might help you could make note, for example, that the Klonopin at bedtime is effective with no side effects, or that taking a dose really helped but did not make you feel reliant on the med, so that it would be an easier decision next time if you ever need it.

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--http://www.idexter.com

[lost_lonely]

Try to hang in there, sunshine. I know EXACTLY how you feel with the obsessive thoughts. Even one fleeting thought in your mind, and it's all you can do to hold yourself together. Even then, I usually fall apart. The snowball effect and what it does is much too real, and extremely debilitating.
Believe me, getting drunk will NOT help. Sometimes a good cry helps a lot, but you just need to try and stay strong. I really feel for you.

[SunshineGold03]

Hello Dexter,
I don't like to take Klonopin because I HATE to have to rely on meds. because I sometimes feel like I should tough it out on my own.

Jenn

[SunshineGold03]

Lost,
Thank you so much for your understanding and your well wishes. I am doing better today and I did not end up drinking. I ended up taking my PRN Klonopin an fall asleep. Which was exactly what I needed. Thanks again for your warm wishes.

Jenn