confusing thing happened...

ok so i went for some reiki today with this lady i know. ive seen her several times for reiki in public and maybe half a dozen times now at her house and shes really good. i like her though with my trust issues im still a bit wary.
anyway today she worked mostly hands off because she said after that was what my body was telling her but at the very end she kissed me on my temple. it totally freaked me out but i was so relaxed and it was just confusing. by the time i sat up straight after i had forgotten it because thats how i deal with things but i remembered as soon as i left. how weird does that sound to people here? why would she do that? has anyone ever had anything like that happen to them? i dont think she s attracted to me or anything because she's straight and has a long term partner. but... hello??? any thoughts would be really welcome please.


ps if this should be in another forum please someone move it. thanks.

Yikes. It would've freaked me out too.

She might've meant it as a caring, friendly gesture, but yikes. It's pretty unprofessional I think.

Maybe you need to tell her next time that you were uncomfortable with it.

gosh, i must freak people out a lot. I'm very demonstrative myself. maybe it was just a caring gesture, i always leavemy pdoc giving her a hug, she must think i'm nuts i've only just met her. It's just the way I am, I don't think these days people are nice enough to each other, but that's only my opinion biiv. i can understand why you might be freaked by it, not everyone 's the same.

hugs (safe ) kerry xoxoxoxoxoxoxxo

She may have meant it as a caring gesture.. and maybe it is what they do in "reiki"... but for me... I would have crawaled out of my skin... though I have alot of massage.. I just wouldn't be comfortable with a kiss on the temple in that setting...

I would bring it up.. next time.. ask her about it...

Hi there,

I don't think she meant anything by it. Reiki is a very spiritual experience where the practioner has to be in tune with your aura, signals, etc. It could be that it was a very good visit where she felt a very strong connection and just felt driven to do that.

If it does make you uncomfortable just let her know for the future - but I truly feel it's harmless.

Tranq

It could be that it was a very good visit where she felt a very strong connection and just felt driven to do that.

Yes, I got that feeling too, that it was from a good place.

But that can cause problems for some of us who've been abused. (not saying this is the case in biiv's situation) That's why I try to tell people (massage therapists, Dr.'s etc) that I have abuse issues. (that also took time for me to be able to do)

An unexpected touch (or kiss) would send me straight to the ceiling, PTSD.

I guess that's why it seemed inappropriate to me. That whole past blurring with the present thingy. Another good example of trying to practice self-care if you know what triggers your responses, and now that biiv knows she can decide how to handle it.

Don't blame you for freaking out. Agree with everyone else about it being a caring gesture, and letting her know if that's not OK.

My male boss kissed me on the forehead to comfort me about the London bombing happening back home. Totally unexpected and freaky, but at work and in front of everyone. He is a very touchy feely person and I'm learning to just take it as comforting. I even hope for a pat on the back now!!!

I think that women are in a very difficult position with the "touchy feely" thing & the most important thing we need to realize that it needs to be what we are comfortable with....it doesn't matter what anyone means by it....if we aren't comfortable with the situation, then we need to "STOP IT".

When I was in KY, my neighbor had a BBQ & we had dinner together. He kissed me telling me that all the horse people in KY are just that way. I don't care what everyone else does....I don't care is EVERYONE else does it. I am NOT everyone else. I don't have to feel pressured because everyone else does it, or that it is normal for certain situations.

If I don't feel comfortable with what is going on with me....that is the most important thing of all. Women can be pressured into situations by being told that everyone else is doing it, or that it is just what happens in certain situations. But why should we have to try to force ourselves to accept those things just because????

Sometimes something will happen, but when we look at it....if we aren't comfortable....no matter how we justify the situation.....we don't have to let it happen again.

Saying "NO" is the most important word we can learn to protect ourselves....& saying that we aren't comfortable with something should be justification enough to not let it continue beyond the first situation. We shouldn't feel like we have to get used to anything.....go with your feelings about a situation.....even if it is your past experiences or whatever. We shouldn't be rationalized into anything we don't feel comfortable with when it comes to close "touchy feely" situations with anyone.

This is just my opinion of course, but I have taken a very hard stand on this in my own life & will not get pressured, made to feel like I am the one who is different....I am just fine & so is everyone else who is willing to take control of their space.

Debbie

thanks everyone for the feedback. i think that spontaneous expressions of affection or caring are something i would like to learn to be more accepting of. i just wasnt sure if that was what this was or what! by the sounds of things you all think it was ok and not meant in a weird way which is very comforting.
i think what i ll do is say nothing the next time and she may never do it again. ostrich style. lol. if she does... well i dont want my mentioning it to insult her or make an issue of it if she genuinely means it in a safe way... i think maybe i ll just play it by ear.
everyone's thoughts are very much appreciated cos i really didnt know what to think, so thanks again!
biiv

Bivv

That would freak me out a little too. It had already been established your "body" wanted "hands off." I assume that means "no touching." It doesn't seem fair to me that she placed you in such a relaxing state - then touched you.

Maybe next time you can ask for the "hands off" treatment again, but add...."to include no kissing of body parts."

It's not YOUR fault your body and charming personality turned her on, lol.

Yeah that would definitely have freaked me out too. It probaboy was meant to be caring but definitely crossed a boundary IMO.

--splitimage

hi Kathy,
lol on one level but argh on another!
thats a good point about the hands off thing. i hadnt thought of that.
thanks.
biiv

thanks splitimage. if it was crossing a boundary that makes me really sad and uneasy.
biiv

<font color="#000088">Don't feel bad, it would've creeped me out to! I'm definately not the touchy feely type! So yeah, it really would have creeped me to the bone!
Honestly, I wouldn't dare to go back, but that's just me because I don't like being touched, without permission first ofcourse!
But kissed by another female!</font>

thats what makes me sad justice. the thought that i shouldnt go back if it was inappropriate. because i like her and the reiki seriously helps.
the fact shes female doesnt bother me though cos im gay. lol. actually it does but thats a whole other issue...