I don't know what to do or how to cope

I feel like my brain shuts off, as if it can't connect to anything and that I can no longer care about anything. Just a void of nothing. I can be talking away fine and then snap immediatly it shuts off and I just stair at the ground and can't think of anything to say. Im always unable to sort through my thoughts as if I can't focus on one of them. I live permanently in my head as if it's the real world and I'm safe there, I know it's not but I can't stop daydreaming, it's as if I can't cope with reality. I get addicted to things very quickly, I've always had physical ticks or habits growing up where I can't control the movement of my body I still suffer now but not as badly. There is just one that has stayed with me where I have to pass my eyes over for example the corners and edges of objects like a television, even writing this now I can't stop following the corners of the screen. It gets very frustrating as it stops me from ever focusing on anything and my eyes after awhile will start to hurt but I cant stop it I have to do it. It's become so natural now. I thought it could be ocd but I don't have it with anything else.

Ive spent my whole life in fear, I'm scared all the time, I can never face anything only run away wether physically or in my head. I've forced myself before to face my fears but everytime I find some way to make it a hundred times worse for myself and the people around me. Maybe this is where my brain started to shut off but I don't know....

When it comes to making decisions Im not able to, it's like a mental barrier gets put into my brain and I cant decide, I end up just doing what everyone says or what a book says, I'm not able to make a decision and it causes unimaginable amount of problems. I don't know if this is all linked but I can't handle it anymore.

For the past year I've been accused of something which I haven't done which is very serious and sickening and could destroy lives. I have tried to fix it, but at the beginning I completely lost my mind and said so much crap that came into my head where some was true and some was false but every thought became like a razor blade sinking deeper and deeper into my brain and the only way to stop it was to say it. Unfortunately the only person I could say it to was the person who was accusing me. All I done was give them my thoughts and mess them up. I even done a lie detector test to prove it (which I passed) but afterwards i still couldn't snap out of it. Now this person has every reason to believe im lieing, but I'm not.

How do you prove to someone your not lieing, when your scared 24/7, when you feel as if you have lost your mind, when you can't stand up for yourself, when your brain shuts off and you are unable to explain anything and when you have given them every reason not to believe you.

Every day that goes on makes me feel worse and worse and more shut off, it's like a constant battle in my brain where everyone around me just gets hurt. I know I'm the problem but I don't know how to fix myself I'm sick of feeling this way and hurting the people I care for.

I'm not a fearful person, most of my opinions are Always from past experience. I'm very logical, understanding & have learned to respect others thoughts. I've only been w/2 ppl in the last 30 yrs. Both ppl, being characterized under many categories of disorders. I just now began research on the, many, disorders- & still find that I'm not able to find what answers I'm needing. The last relationship was 7 yrs & that person discarded me w/no warning. They left me for some1 who's:: diagnoised w/chronic HEP C, has no home, their children are not allowed around unless supervised & the *newbie is ready to have another child w/some1 else (not my ex).!!
I feel the substance abuse *reason (for this detrimental act towards me)- is a cop-out! I get angry when ppl use their addiction as the reason they do all things wrong. I've been /have an addictive personality. I can relate to feigning for whatever high I wanted! BUT This situation is baffling to me, especially since I'm good friends w/the mother of my Ex.
I've joined this site after many weeks of research, hoping I would be able to get some feedback w/my issues. God's grace, my strength & ability to adapt to many changes- have got me this far.

Hi,

Before I respond your post itself, I'd like to welcome you to the Psych Central forums. I hope that you'll find this site to be a helpful source of support and information, and I'd like to encourage you keep participating on the forums here if you think that doing so is something that you might find to be beneficial. I'm sorry to hear about the difficulties that you've been having with making decisions, with feeling like your brain sometimes shuts off, and with things not having gone well when you've tried to face your fears. It sounds like the symptoms that you've been experiencing have been the source of some distress and impairment, and I hope that if there is anything that you might be able to do to minimize the symptoms and/or cope with them better that you'll find something that will help with those things. Visiting a mental health professional might be something to consider trying, if you haven't already considered doing that.

As far as the situation where you were accused of doing something that you didn't actually do is concerned, the only thing that I can think of to suggest that might help you to better explain your perspective on the situation would be to try explaining things in writing, as opposed to explaining things verbally. If your brain seems to shut off while you're in the middle of writing down your thoughts about the situation in question, you should still have the opportunity to come back to what you had started to write at a later time when you might be able to express your thoughts more clearly. The biggest downside to explaining your thoughts in writing that I can think of is that if you end up making significant mistakes in your explanations, it's probably more likely that those mistakes could end up being used against you than it would be if you were to keep trying to explain things verbally. But beyond perhaps trying to explaining your thoughts about what happened in writing, I'm not sure that doing more to prove that you weren't lying would make much sense. If you've already said that you didn't do what you were accused of doing, tried explaining yourself, and even passed a lie detector test, it sounds like you've probably already done enough to prove yourself. Still, it might be the case that if you try explaining your perspective on what happened to the person who's accused you, you might be able to explain things better if you do it in writing.

To conclude, I hope that you'll find what I've written here to be of at least a little bit of help, whether or not you end up deciding to follow the suggestions that I made. I wish you the best as you move forward with everything.