I need serious help!

My trust in therapy has been diminished, my trust in people is diminishing, I'm in self-denial. I want to blame my last therapist, I want to blame my ex best friend who has scarred me over the years and I could never feel it.

I have so much to vent, I hate being dependent on mental treatment all my life because I sense the hidden causes of mental illnesses - you know, the small things like making fun of someone or abusing someone in hidden ways such as passive-aggressive sarcasm.

I need serious help and I don't know what to do.

"Sense the hidden causes, like making fun etc" - how do you mean this? For myself, i felt i had to stay in therapy cuz otherwise my craziness would leak out in ways like this, saying things i didnt mean or want to say. I finally got to the point where i guess i felt accepted enough by my t, which i never got from family, that i felt i had a place in the human race.

I'm so sorry you're going through this VibratingObsidian. I can relate. Yes, I also think there are hidden causes of MI. I call it systemic. It's basically, not all our fault that we suffer. There are other people and forces involved. Is there anything you do that makes you feel better? Keep posting.

I thought V.O. meant that this behavior came toward him from others. But I'm not sure.

Unaluna - What I mean is many small things which often come as an attack unfelt amidst the communications, such as a snide comment, an abusive comment hidden as a "discussion material"... I tend to overthink, but if those kind of "darts" have made me feel the way I've been feeling, then I assume them as hidden abuses.

starrysky - Yes, this is what I meant.
I've mostly been a very literal person. I have a problem with sarcasm and I've mostly been a serious person outwards.
But at home, we'd have our own communication of making fun of each other in a mixture of having fun and self-loathing and self-pitying, etc. It's been casual, but it was kind of a way to vent... perhaps from being so serious/closed-book outside of home..? I don't know

As for things I do that make me feel better - it's returning from work which has been a burden recently, drawing, playing World of Warcraft... not any more things I can think of right now. I'm so obsessed with success because I've been feeling too laid-back and settled-down. Some say it's a form of depression, but from what I've been through with myself I really want to have a feeling of success such as being a manager at whichever career path I take, performing formal speeches... but I found out my intuition senses are... weak. Could it be a result of overthinking? A high level of awareness or consciousness? Something else...?
I'm having a hard time figuring myself out, it's also a struggle.

Well some people tell me that in some families, the members are NOT harsh to each other. Thats definitely not how i grew up. So yeah i was sarcastic back. I thought we were all kidding. My t finally got thru to me that i was being hurtful to him. Then i realized that my family had been being hurtful to me since like day one, that it wasnt all a big joke. I knew this in my 20's, i just couldnt face that it was true. I couldnt speak it to my then t.