[Fuzzybear]

Anyone else had teachers who noticed extreme anxiety ("crippling" at times as dxd by clinical psychologist when a so called adult) but either ignored it or put it down to "immaturity"

Or parents who said "perhaps it is because of God"...
oh crap why do I post this rubbish
I'm not a freakin child any more

[(JD)]

(((hugs)))

Your brain is really in overdrive Fuzzybear. I hope you are coping ok.

I don't know what teachers realize at all...not when I was growing up and surely not now

[Fuzzybear]

They noticed, they couldnt not have, but no one suggested therapy. I thought children had school counsellors these days? Or is that a myth?

Ever read the book "Dibs, in search of Self (I think thats the name of it)

[jbug]

Fuzzy I had a teacher in High School that recommended me to go to the school shrink. Mr. Adams was awesome and realized I needed help. I was a very angry teen.

As an adult I know my instructors know when I'm having a bad day and one of them asks me about it the other's just let it slide.

Jbug

I will answer... honestly...

Yes,,, my teachers.. did notice... and it was way back when.. and my Mom.. was a teacher.. with a master's degree..

So the teachers handled it by forcing me even more and more. and more to do things.. which further "crippled" me or rather made me more non-functional... there were not T's in my "day".. in my very rural community..

My Mom.. handled it by.. pleading with me to behave "normally" so that she would not have to deal with the notes, teacher conferences and phone calls.

My Dad.. he could have cared less..

My older sister... she said.. don't tell anyone that we are related..

I hope also that you are OK..

I don't know what the "correct" answer to your question really is... I just have my own answer..

And.. that is I am.. who I am.. who I am... and I love me.. as I am... and that is as it was meant to be..

(((((((((((((fuzzybear))))))))))))))

[Fuzzybear]

I was very angry at 21 plus, and for an additional reason. But again no one suggested therapy, just pushed me out of the nest.(and plastered me with blame for "ruining my mothers life". Classic from the "wicked" stepmother And yeah I know I "should" have left permanently long before that although I was still at university

Sounds llike Mr Adams was really awesome, I'm happy for you ((((((((( jannie ))))))))))

[Fuzzybear]

I went to a skin specialist at about 22 for very severe eczema. (I looked a mess, to me anyway, my skin mirrored my emotional state I suppose) I was in the area where my father and stepmother lived then (long story),

When my father visited the same skin specialist a couple of years later he and the stepmother bent over backwards to make sure the doctor didnt know we were related.

The teachers forced me to do the things I severely and noticeably panicked about. Maybe that was the standard "treatment" then by unknowledgeable people but I ended up being more avoidant and "nonfunctional". (As a thirteen year old I used to hope and even pray the panic would "go away" but of course it never did. And when I had the same symptoms at university I was stupid and brainwashed not to see the student counsellor who probably would have been available then. Instead I changed seminar groups etc)
Other family members were in my opinion at least as "dysfunctional"....(deleted)

I love that you love you! Thanks for your reply!

((((((((((((( freewill ))))))))))))))


(PS father had a PHD. .)

Well, when I was in elementary school teachers would complain to my parents that I'm not working up to my potential-- but that wasn't the parents "area" so nothing was done....
one teacher I had would get so upset with me and she knew my parents weren't involved-- so she would pull my hair and yell, "Mandy why don't you pay attention? "...... my anxiety was so high sometimes that my mind was just elsewhere, but no one ever tried to understand that-- they just got angry with me instead.

I don't think about that much anymore-- have current dragons that need slaying-- so I have to reserve my attention and energy to that, these days.

Maybe you have some unresolved feelings about this and that is why it has come up....... just a thought......

Fuzzy-

mandy

[Fuzzybear]

"My anxiety was so high sometimes that my mind was just elsewhere".... I can honestly say that was true for me much of the time. Especially in some classes though (Maths wasn't too bad in secondary school)

Unresolved feelings could be my middle name maybe? Or maybe I partly trust this group enough to write about this (after all these years) Also someone told me yesterday it was hard to trust me as i usually reveal so little about myself. So maybe I'm trying to remedy that. And in some ways certain aspects of the past are easier to talk about than (shudder) the present? ( I just don't trust enough to talk about my life now) .But still tough as nails.
Mandy

this might sound sexist-- but(I see it as the truth), I bet the person that said that to you: </font><blockquote><div id="quote"><font class="small">Quote:</font>
someone told me yesterday it was hard to trust me as i usually reveal so little about myself.

</div></font></blockquote><font class="post"> was female--
as males usually respect others privacy and don't equate being private with being untrustworthy---- wish most females would learn this important trait........

......perhaps I'm a little bitter as I'm sometimes treated similar. Men can be quiet and private about their issues and they're still trusted and even endeared...... but women being that way are suspicious and kept at a distance...... I don't understand it ....... *sigh*.......

You don't have to talk about anything you don't feel comfortable talking about Fuzzy-- I won't distrust you or anyone else that feels the need to be private.

mandy

[Fuzzybear]

Yes, female is correct.

That's interesting, maybe that's why most of my closer friends IRL have always been male.....

I agree, sigh..

Thanks

Mandy

Sometimes IRL I've gone the other way and said "too much". sigh. But I have a really hard time trusting most women IRL. They don't understand my anxiety either.

[Fuzzybear]

I wonder though, if we were both hurt by more women emotionally, than men, when we were little.

Trying not to apportion blame.

[pegasus]

I keep trying to reply to this thread and end up deleting!

( Note to pegs- don't delete!)

Yeah, the education system stank back then, children's emotional well-being wasn't taken into account.

(Very triggery for me!)

( ssshhhhhhh............it's ok )

Thank goodness things are different now.

But back then, children didn't get much of a say.

Yeah, pretty bloody awful.

Love to you Fuzzy.

[Fuzzybear]

Well that may be, we were hurt more by females than males-- though males did quite a bit to me also.

In my case-- not sure if this is true for you- I was not nurtured from the day I was born all the way to the day my parents left me and moved 700 miles away, when I was 19. The T. I was seeing for almost three years helped me to realize that I was raised similar-- (however, even the average boy gets some nurturing) to boys- just that I was additionally neglected and traumatized.

Since I was raised without "soft-nurturing", I've grown to be private and not very emotional- at least not outwardly anyway..... such traits ARE generally accepted in males but not in females.
I've worked really hard to try and be more "female" in this regard--- I firmly believe that one can learn to be "softer" if they really try hard enough. I don't believe this is "gender" specific..... I think it is environmental...... ... but then.... that's another whole subject, so I'll stop here since I'm off topic-- --> have always wanted to use that smilie.

Fuzzy-

mandy

[h0kie]

</font><blockquote><div id="quote"><font class="small">Quote:</font>
Fuzzybear said:
Anyone else had teachers who noticed extreme anxiety ("crippling" at times as dxd by clinical psychologist when a so called adult) but either ignored it or put it down to "immaturity"

</div></font></blockquote><font class="post">

I notice, Fuzzy. I've got a few I'm concerned about this year and I just have to keep "making noise" until the right people hear me.

Plus, sometimes when a teacher mentions something they are told not to bring it up for whatever reason.

It's not right, but it's all part of working the system.

Hope your day gets better.

[eskielover]

Fuzzy,

I am not sure when you were in school....I sure it hasn't been as long ago as is was for me (grade school for me was in the 50's). The teachers in those days had no knowledge about working with difficult situations & students. We were just lucky if we had a teacher that cared & would be able to handle students with problems. They were either ignored or always sent to the principals office. I know that they noticed....there was no way that they couldn't notice problems, but they didn't have the education nor were the schools set up to handle or have places for children like that. Most of the time, if there were shy children, they weren't forced to to anything, but they would be pushed to see if they couldn't overcome the problem on their own (that was the thinking in those days). I remember they thought that the more you did something the better you would get at doing it....."practice makes perfect"...or something like that. For most of us....that worked.

I think it is hard for teachers or people to determine if that works since for most people it seems to be that way. I know I hated getting up in front of people & speaking. My anxiety would get so bad & would end up with larengitis. I could perform music, but hated speaking. However, over the years, the more practice I did with speaking in front of people & giving speaches, the better I got..... I did get over the anxiety. Doing things over & over that we are anxious about works for many people, but the question is how do we know who is doesn't work for....& when does the pushing stop? I know I don't push myself if I'm not comfortable with something, so if I had not been pushed, I never would have become confident enough.

How to teachers know which person they will be helping or which one they will be hurting? There aren't any perfect ground rules & wouldn't it be sad if potentials were lost because no one was pushed....or encouraged. Maybe that is the important too.....but even then, when I am not comfortable, all the encouragement in the world wouldn't have made me do anything I didn't like or feel comfortable doing.

I do think that the KEY part of pushing or encouraging someone to do something they aren't comfortable with is that they aren't put down or ridiculed for what they do.....I know the teachers who were nice about someone trying something they weren't good at & didn't say bad things.....those were the good teachers & everyone excelled in their classes....even the ones who were having problems doing things. I know that teachers like that were few & far between, but then again, so are parents who are like that.

I think the psychology of handling children is now a part of educating teachers....where is wasn't so much there in the dark ages when I grew up.....we were just lucky if we had the teachers who had the common sense to handle children the right way.

It is hard to overcome what was done to us in our childhood, but it's important for us to be able to look at where we are & what we are having problems with, & go on from here.....trying to correct things where we can & adapt the things we can't change....& live our lives the best we can with what we have to work with now & be the best person we want to be.

I understand the frustration & hope you will be able to work with it & go forward from here,
Debbie

I

[Fuzzybear]

Mandy

I relate so much to this...

.(not off topic imo at all!)

[Fuzzybear]

Thanks hon!

(As my parents were extremely secretive, to say the least, it could be that the teachers did say something to them. (mostly just got "shy" and "withdrawn" and similar written on my report cards) I tried to ask my mother about this but didn't get anywhere as she.... denial you know)

to you!

[Fuzzybear]

Thanks Debbie! I wasn't at school at all in the 50's but I guess it was still quite prehistoric in some ways. Also some of the teachers were mean and insensitive but I suppose I could have told them I didn't want to do something but was too scared of their reaction (it wasn't something I wasn't good at or needed practice at as such)

[bellestar]

I never really got help from teachers except the year right after parents split but it wasn't helpful I just didn't get "nailed" as often.!!

[Fuzzybear]

Thanks for your reply bellestar