Do I have a mental illness.

I have, for the last few years, really noticed I have a common theme... I don't want to be with anyone and I don't want them inviting me to things.

There is a few things here,
- I need every single second of my life to get things done that I want to do. This weekend I have a three day weekend and, the thought of spending 4 hours doing someone with someone upsets me. I have a LONG list, that grows every day.. of things to do. And each time someone wants to do things with me... that gets pushed back.

- every single person, every single one... only wants to invite me to do what THEY want. No one wants to help me with any of the chores that I have to do. And so I end up doing things I don't want to do. And my chore list getting longer.

- I don't want to do anything WITH anyone. For some reason everyone who invite me to do things is usually someone I don't trust. They are inviting me to do these things because I am NOT the master at them. Thus they can teach me. Or translated.. make me feel badly about myself and make them feel happy.

- people continue to thoughtlessly invite me to things at the last second. Invite me to lunch when I have already eaten. Invited me out at 12 noon when it is 11 Am. I have plans people! But when I tell them that they act like I have some "hermit problem" and I feel forced to go.

The thing is though.. pretty much 95% of the invites I don't want to go to... I want to do what *I* want to do. And I am getting tired of fulfilling everyone else needs --- and I am also FRUSTRATED that I they see to have so much time on their hands.

So I wonder if it is me? Today I was invited to do something with a family member that i feel usually upset doesn't want to do more things with me. But I don't want to go.. at all. For all of the above reasons but also it is just not my thing. I worry there iS something wrong but when I think about it I also think I am right... it is just that people expect a single person to do things with them.

It could be that you have a long to do list and are focused on getting it done. You can always say no until you complete your list and then see how you feel. Alternately, you could be evaluated by a psychiatrist to assuage your concerns. It could be beneficial.

I just have a feeling they would think it was the former. I kind of also wonder why it is that everyone else seemingly has long stretches of time with nothing to do?

First I would re word mental illness and say a mental health condition or concern. It's true you can be classed as Ill when in the throes of mental symptoms but if it's something long term it is a controllable condition.
You might just be that type of person who needs their "me" time. Or you may in fact be depressed. When I was clinically depressed I wanted to be sociable but just couldn't be. My teenage self is a bit like what you are describing. I would get in touch with doctor, to be on safe side. Best of luck. People invite you out so obviously enjoy your company on the plus side!

That was quite a list I don't blame you for wanting to do what you want to do.

However, I'm not surprised that people don't won't to do 4 hours of chores with you. When people want to socialize they want to have fun...not chores.

I do wonder about you increasing task list. I kind of wonder what on earth you have to do that takes up a 3 day weekend. Are you perhaps being a cruel taskmaster to yourself?

It may be that you are confusing spontaneous invitation with a person having a lot of time on their hands. Although there is nothing inherent wrong with having time on ones hands.

As far as not wanting to do anything that you are not already a master at hints at perfectionist. You are limiting you options there. No one can be a master at everything. You certainly won't be the master at something you try for the first time.

It seems obvious to me.

First I have to do all the normal chores that need to be done each week. This includes (1) grocery shopping; (2) washing and preparing clothing; and (3) cleaning up the house which can include washing dishes / floor / toilet. Typically these mundane chores take about 1 day. Not just in terms of time but also energy. There are various and sundry chores that aren't done every week such as gardening or cleaning off the deck.

Second, I have on going home improvement projects that I literally have a 40 item list to do. This of course assumes something does not fail. For instance, yesterday I got in a fight with my screen door and broke it. I was able to put it back on but one of the wheels came out... my choice now, learn to fix it OR find and buy a new door... this will likely take an afternoon. Pushing back other home improvement projects such as plastering some holes in walls.

Thirdly, Monday I am going to a doctors appointment. It happens to be a day off that they are working. So I used it. It is my first time there so I need to print off a lot of forms and find the place. I expect that to take about 4 hours total with commute. But in addition... every weekend I like to devote a portion to shopping for clothing. I can devote 2 hours and come away with nothing but, devoting time to it every weekend usually ensures I pick up one well fitting good item per week.

Every weekend is usually the same... one day of mandatory chores, the next day, my "fun" thing which is typically a home improvement project.

I suspect that everyone else has time on the weekends because they have spouces that do at least some of the busy work. Thus they can free up 4 or 5 hours to do something "fun."

I really don't want them to do chores with me but I feel like maybe announcing that would put the "Onus" back on them. Oh you want to do something with me.. sure... when X is done, I would be happy to go. Instead of being the hermit kill joy they would be it.

I don’t have a spouse, but I most certainly don’t spend my whole weekend doing chores either. I spread my jobs that need to be done each & every week out throughout the week. I manage to do that after work. If you want a weekend doing your hobby of home DIY, then you perhaps need to look at time management of the things you need to do. I would absolutely dread the weekend coming if it was purely filled with chores.
As for not wanting to go out with friends, if you wanted too, you would. If these friends are doing stuff that you don’t want to do, then it’s your choice to go or not. Making excuses for having too much to do, IMO, is not really the issue. By shutting yourself up away from people is also not healthy for you. If these friends seem to have little in common with you, maybe join a group of something of interest to you, so you perhaps have more in common. Time alone is good, but definitely not all the time.

This is you. Not in my lexicon. I get about 1 hour to 2 hours every night after work. After eating and doing chores that need to be done, cat litter and cubbies from the kitty... It is bed time. There aren't a lot of hardware stores around where I work either to catch up on errands. I am also exhausted after a long day of work so...

But I agree.. I don't want to do these things with people. I would desperately prefer to just get to work on my DIY. Or get to do a project that I hadn't gotten to before.

It is just that it makes me doubly angry for time out of what I want to be doing is consumed with people doing things I don't want to do. And they ask late and they act like I am a weird hermit if I say no.

I personally think there is nothing wrong with being alone if you like it. There is only a problem if you are a alone and have no choice. But I did ask because sometimes I wonder if I am wrong. But I only ask because everyone else seems to act a certain way that it stumps me.

I 'get' the alone thing. I need time alone to recharge. If I was working ft and could not have time on a weekend alone I would get stressed.

I think you must be a reasonably sociable person in the first place to have a number of people in your life who want your company, so I'm guessing you do like social contact sometimes?

It is odd... I think people really like me. I tend to be funny... and I tend to make "faux" friends easy. I do think sometimes people do get confused. But mostly I think it is because I am single.. well known single and not in a relationship and they all seem to think I am just waiting around for an invite.

A lot of people think, if you're single, you have a lot of free time and you're available to do things with/for them. Even if you have a lot of free time, that doesn't mean you want to spend all of it doing stuff with other people (even if you do like them). It's OK to say no. Tell them thanks, but you just want to get things done. Or, you have plans with yourself.

It sounds like they mean well and they like your company, I think Maven's suggestion of declining politely but firmly is the way to go.

I would make a joke of it (I often make kight of my own introversion), but leave them in no doubt you are busy/have other plans and will catch up with them when you can. It's absolutely valid to need time to recharge etc.

I did that yesterday with my BIL. I think he is irked but... he literally gave me 4 hours notice. I suggested maybe another time.

Sometimes I curse Facebook, for the exact opposite reason that one might think... that it is just too easy for people to reach out without thinking. I have reduced my Facebook to just family now and even with 22 people I seem to get this problem.

I wish I could do a status update explaining my situation and telling people that if they want to go out with me they need to come over and do a chore first. That probably would stop it...but, then also shock everyone.

I think issuing an ultimatum in that way would likely upset and/or offend.

Personally I think it's okay to let people know that you would welcome a hand with chores as you are stowed out rather than telling people you won't go out with them unless they help you first, that sounds a little aggressive IMO.

That is why I said I wish I could do it. But I can't. I just like the idea that they have to do something if they really want my company. And I bet 1/2 of them don't want it that much.

Everyone has times when they don't want to interact with others, but it seems extreme. You can always say, "I actually have this other thing to do, but I would appreciate some help." This says to the other person, "I'm not avoiding you, I just have other things going on."

Good idea.

So I got invited to lunch with two former employees. My boss invited me and I didn't answer right away. And though he can't remember much about work... he asked me again in person just an hour later. Oh and I still didn't answer but he took my non answer as a yes. Blurg. Then one of the people called me said, if I didn't go she would hunt me down -- ha ha.

So I guess I am going. One of the things is that I personally believe that when people leave the workplace... they need to stay gone. Plus.. again, it is just a using issue. It is expected that my boss will stay in touch with them. The idea of their jobs are that they go out and advocate for him and he tries to get better jobs. But I will never need their assistance again... but, they sure as shoot will probably need mine (because I have answers) and they already, asked. But I will never be looking for another job.

I had a good allegory this week about this issue.. I don't know if people watch Supergirl but for the opener Supergirl had suffered a heartbreak and had changed from her happy go lucky person into a more stiff and all business type of person. The show basically was all her friends trying to get her back to the happy go lucky person.

But I kind of had a problem with that. Perhaps the character was simply growing up. And the heartbreak was the lesson that made her realize that her happy go lucky person was a luxury of youth. The friends sort of did seem like users because the happy go lucky person was what they wanted... and seemed unwilling to respect that maybe she had changed and couldn't or wouldn't go back.

I feel a bit like that now. I feel like in my 20s and 30s I was that happy go lucky person who would go out with anyone. I wanted to be "kind" and "nice'. But after 10+ years of people not being kind and nice to me, (i.e... the real world) I kind of can't go back. The blinders are off.

Perhaps I have just become a more selfish person and now.. I seem to be with people who don't really expect that.