Maladaptive Fantasies

I was not sure where to put this...what thread.

Does anyone one else just shut down into their own heads and fantasies about

Is this a way the brain relieves stress? I find myself just avoiding doing anything, laying down, closing my eyes and going into scenarios in my head. Ok sometimes it is not all doom and gloom. Sometimes it is about me being taken care of, loved and adored the way I never was.

I spend a lot of time up their in my head and avoid a lot of stuff outside my head.

Yes I have two therapists but is has been a sad realization that they can not be my parents, guardian, husband or take care of me outside of that 60 min weekly session and that if I did not pay them then they would not even bother with me soo it is all on me and I just feel like I am trying to survive until I die the way I am suppose to.

Ideation can pop into your head, but I don’t lay down and fantasize about it.
You need to get rid of those thoughts with more pleasurable fantasies.
Getting screwed up in childhood or whenever can have a lasting profound effect on your life. The thing is , how long are you going to be a victim ?
There’s only one person in your life who you need to count on , and that is YOU.
I think a lot of us strive for the protection and peace we had while we were in our moms belly ! But life ain’t in there. It’s out here. Where reality will eventually puts you in the ground. Where it can hurt you like you fantasize about. I’m not trivializing your feelings. But becoming self sufficient and having some peace of mind is on you. If your lucky you may get help. I hope you do.
Sometimes you just need some luck. Sometimes you have to make your own.
Use whatever’s available at your disposal to help yourself. I know these therapists many times don’t really give a damn about you. A good friend , who you can confide in can replace these so called professionals easily.
I know you’re in pain. I know what your looking for. And after a lifetime of my own experience taught me that if I don’t learn how to care for myself , then I will lay down and fantasize about how much I want out of this whole mess we call “life”.

Well, yes, but I have delusions — much more realistic, maybe? — and I never have delusions of self-harm.

I have ‘safe’ (and interesting) delusions; happy delusions. I was once frightened of them but I now realize that they do, as you posit, relieve stress (more importantly, they keep me sane). If I can gain just a little control over certain aspects of my psychotic episodes, I’m even more pleased. I keep these controlled delusions near my medulla oblongata for safe keeping.

I spend the majority of my waking hours working my brain. I can’t escape it. I’ve given in. It’s just so lovely in there. I don’t have to ruminate over the final stages of loss and the loneliness. It’s wonderful.

Therapists are no different than gardeners — they work to earn a wage. You’re correct in observing that they would not bother with you without compensation, I believe.

I’m puzzled by, “I am trying to survive until I die the way I am supposed to.” Are you terminally ill? Have you some portent of your death? It is a queer and troubling way to speak of death! If I had died in the manner and time that my first cardiologist predicted, I would have snuffed it in 2004. I was just sticking around for the South Korean Winter Olympics, really. Can you explain the phrase?

My answer — again — is ‘yes, I have a lot of stuff in my head that helps me survive and it generally plays out as being loved instead of unloved.’ I am delusional; I believe. You may have only whimsical fantasies. (If that’s the case, good for you!) I cannot say that I understand self-harm but as long as it stays in your head that’s far, far better than acting on those thoughts, I believe.

yes sometimes I get these thoughts and spend time daydreaming about them. but I have learned that for me the best thing to do is either call my treatment providers or a friend. or I do something caring for myself like baking myself something I dont usually have or taking in a movie or show, treating myself in the caring ways that I would like others to do. this was taught to me by my treatment providers. here its called self care, self nurturing and self parenting.

suggestion maybe start out with something very easy like if you want someone to act like your parent and hold you , maybe put on a blanket around you while sitting in the corner of the sofa or chair. I have found this gives me the same feeling as if I was safely sitting against someone wrapped in their arms,

I went into my head like that, positive and negative, when I was severely depressed. I’ve come out of that, and I am not having those rumination any more.

I confronted and dealt with my issues that were the source of the depression.

When I lay down or wake up during the night all situations run thru my mind and won't stop. Deep breathing doesn't help.

I do not self harm and die whenever nature decides I am to die. Not ill.

I already do what I can. I run my own In-Home personal training business and am in school for Massage therapy. Not much free time and when I do have free time and am not keeping my mind busy the thoughts get worse like it stops me from just relaxing and enjoying a movie or quite time.

((Moxie)), what you are describing is that you are struggling with not knowing what to do with the challenging emotions you struggle with. This can really affect one's personal sense of safety and as you have noticed, mental sense of well being too.

I did not fantasize about jumping off a bridge etc, however, I did go through a terrible period of being dangerously suicidal. What I began experiencing was dangerous "impulses" and I really was emotionally overwhelmed and suffering from PTSD and I genuinely felt that "my huge" emotional challenge was going to be a major imposition on others and I did not see any kind of true relief either. The reason I had gotten that bad was due to the constant messages I had been getting where others including professionals I had reached out to for help were telling me that I should not have valued and suffered so much emotionally about what I had lost and valued so much.

Moxie, a child deserves to feel "safe to feel". A child who is not "nurtured" is a child that is in a dysfunctional environment that affects them emotionally and there is no presence there that this child feels "safe" to run to and have help with the scary emotions that child is experiencing.

This would be "normal" to desire would it not? The "root" desire is to have other adults in one's environment that one can "feel" safe to sit with when in need of "emotional support". When I was experiencing those awful "impulses", that was something I did not have and desperately needed.

What helped me "slowly" actually see that about myself was finding a therapist that had the ability to actually see that in me when OTHERS I had reached out to had failed to help me with and instead tended to "criticize" me for needing and I really do have that all written down in my records too. I was "lucky" to find a therapist that was able to also see that and explain to me that YES, I HAD BEEN FAILED by the very people that were supposed to HELP ME and were supposed to actually SEE the CLEAR red flags I had been showing too.

The "fantasies" you have shared here are fantasies that are really about "deposing" of the emotions that you can't seem to find a way to stop from constantly challenging you.

Well, a good therapist is a therapist that you can spend time with that actually helps you sort through these deep "emotional" challenges that you never had the right help with and have gotten to the point where you really need the right help with so you can finally get the long overdue emotional relief to a lot of unresolved emotional challenges that you can no longer "ignore" or shut out from feeling.

One of the things I have learned about myself was that I was "emotionally" traumatized a lot in my childhood and I literally did not have "anyone" to help me with any of it. I knew what it was like to "feel" alone and scared and I got good at helping others, however, that really did not "fix" the amount of personal emotional traumas that I had in myself. I had no choice but to finally address it all when I faced a big enough trauma that I began to face a lot of my history in all these crippling flashbacks that began "intruding" me in a way I had never imagined experiencing.

These maladaptive thoughts or fantasies you experience will actually begin to weaken when you finally get the right help and support where you can finally sort through the emotional challenges you never had the right help with in your past. It can be exhausting at first, but, with time and patience you can experience gradual "healing" and can notice yourself making gains.

Thank you "Open Eyes". I had therapy today and tried to explain all this. He did not have much to say even to explain to me maybe what was going on. He brushed me off and asked was there anything other issues I wanted to get to today and then scooted me out right on time. I left there feeling very ashamed of myself for telling him everything I was experiencing. I feel ashamed of myself.

So I felt so bad about myself because of the session with T1 that I sent T2 an email about this to see what he would say and perhaps it would make me feel better. He replied this in a couple of hour.

"Hey Moxie, I have a bunch of thoughts.

I think what it comes down to is we all are living to survive, thats true. But, do we feel like we deserve to live? If we dont feel we deserve a life it changes how we view living and surviving. I agree its the brains way to relieve stress and don't feel there is anything wrong with having fantasy thoughts as long as you keep yourself safe.
The question would be if we all expire at some point, what type of legacy do you leave? What you do for the people with your business means so much to them. They even tell you that. That is something that is fantastic and something good people do for others."

Ah! Very good.

I don’t understand self-harm or suicidal ideation; I’ve never seen the point.

But I do understand that my body is wearing out and that it is more likely than not that my natural death will prevent me from being elected president in 2020.

I’m a big believer in natural causes. Very happy to know that we’ve that in common!

I’ve been living with therapists/shrinks for 33-years. They’ve, mostly, been friendly but I’ve never mistaken one for a friend. They are paid professionals and they work for you.

I think that you might want to avoid the brush-off by telling your T that you want him to stay on the topic that is most bothersome. I’ve never had a heated argument or the like with any therapist/shrink but I have had steer the conversations at times.

No, no, no. You should not feel any shame. Maybe you feel ashamed because he was dismissive? That speaks to his shame, not yours.

Sometimes you need to use a session to talk about the entirety of the dynamics between you and your therapist. Yes, he is ‘in charge’ of your sessions but he should never attempt to control what you feel or what you’re saying.

I genuinely feel for you — I hope that you can talk to your therapist and let him know that the feelings that you’re having are very troubling to you.

Golly. He went directly to death and dying, didn’t he? Or ‘expiring.’

And the ‘legacy’ that you will ‘leave’ (only after you expire)?

What do you feel about what he wrote?

When I use to do that, I learned (over a great many years time) to figure out what was happening in my actual life to trigger the specific fantasies? If you are not feeling cared for, for example; the feeling bad about yourself because of T1's lack of support and seemingly dismissive actions, what was the fantasy the next chance you got alone?

One thing very positive I see, you did reach out to T2 and he responded well/supportively? You are still in your "life" working hard to make sense of it all and see what you can do. I looked at myself and realized I was doing that, was doing the best I could under current circumstances and focused on those acts and just left my body/mind to do what it felt it had to to "balance" as best it could. I took an observer's stance instead of trying to "fix" what my body/mind know better unconsciously to do. When I worked on the obvious, outer problems of communication and interacting with others/the world, my body/mind gradually did not need to be extreme in the opposite way?

I had fantasies of saving others at the cost of myself and being in hospital in a coma and T visiting me, being the only one who could save me :-) Pretend you are reading your fantasies in a casebook and they are someone else's and don't take them too seriously? Pretend they are dreams (they are in a sense). Do you remember any of your dreams? Mine were very intense and complicated, actually helped me in therapy a whole lot.

All of this work takes time! It took the first however many years to get "messed up" and it will take that long to get unmessed up? Notice the rhythms in life, you don't always feel one way, feelings are like weather and come and go. There is texture to your life, things are changing, you are growing, look at/for those signs? Pounce on the little good things that happen, the times you reach out and someone reaches back to you (like T2), the times when you understand some little thing and it's like a piece of a puzzle falling into place. You know how a puzzle seems so large and chaotic at the beginning but as it is being put together, it gets easier and easier? Therapy was like that to me.

Are they fantasies or intrusive thoughts

Whats the difference?

Well fantasies are something we kinda welcome. Intrusive thoughts pop up at random times and cause distress.

I agree . Fantasies are things we can “ think consciously of” or reveal themselves in dreams. The unconscious plays a huge role in trying to “ balance “ our real conscious life. Intrusive thoughts just pop into your head , unwelcome. They can try and control how and what you think about. Some can be good though I believe , like an idea ! A bright idea. Or an answer to a dilemma. BUT, if they’re negative then we need to get them the hell out of our heads by replacing that thought with another. TWO thoughts cannot occupy the same space at the same time. Try and take control of your mind. Try mindfulness. Concentrate solely on the present. It could be as simple as looking at a beautiful picture. I mean REALLY look at it. The past and future do not exist right now.
The main thing is that you don’t act on your negative thoughts. Don’t give them power.

here where I am fantasies means the same thing as the word daydreaming. ... making up stories in our heads just because of being bored, nothing to do or to escape life at the moment...

example right now I am sitting at a computer. I can if I wish to and purposely want to I can start thinking up a story because I know its cold outside and I want winter to be over.

my daydream may start by noticing the weather and thinking wouldnt it be nice if maybe I am on an exotic island, drinking Pina Colada's while watching the surf roll in and out. then continue to build this thought of a warmer place into this big or small daydream.

intrusive thoughts on the other hand here where these odd bothersome thoughts pop in to my head, interfering with what i am trying to do...

example right now I am sitting at a computer answering this post but suddenly my mind throws a wrench in.. a thought about an abuse situation I went through that I got reminded of the other day. or Im sitting here at the computer having a good time playing cards and suddenly my mind throws in the wrench of an argument that I had last week. Im cleaning my house and suddenly my mind throws in the wrench of the time I broke my arm by jumping out of a tree. Im at work and suddenly my mind throws in the wrench of the thought about did I buy milk last night....

intrusive thoughts just happen any time of day and with out planning or meaning to, they just jump right into my day interrupting things. no story lines, no choosing for it to happen just bam theres that thought.

Ok then I am daydreaming because nothing that is in my mind is something that has actually happened.