* Scapegoated by family
* Lost friends
* Therapist expresses low confidence in treating me and its the fifth one, and the one I trusted most
* Can’t study due to great stress
* Concerns getting along with apartment colleagues

I have no idea what to do

I don’t deserve a life like this. I deserve so much more than that and I’m not getting it
Might as well end my life

Originally Posted by Vibrating Obsidian

* Scapegoated by family
* Lost friends
* Therapist expresses low confidence in treating me and its the fifth one, and the one I trusted most
* Can’t study due to great stress
* Concerns getting along with apartment colleagues

I have no idea what to do

I don’t deserve a life like this. I deserve so much more than that and I’m not getting it
Might as well end my life

Hey VO...What kind of therapy are you in? Do you guys just talk? Like is it relationship based? Do you guys do DBT? CBT? I think you can be helped. To me you just seem quite young, and emotionally out of control a little (I was, too, at your age). It also seems like you struggle with relationships. But that doesn't mean you will struggle your whole life. I struggled with my roommates my junior year in college. Living at home for me was a godsend senior year. Anyway...I think you should take it one day at a time. It takes time to get better and to get the right help. Don't judge yourself for having seen 5 therapists and not being able to get the right help. That sounds hard, both being frustrated (makes sense) and then also being critical of that fact. Judging ourselves is kind of a natural thing too! What do you like to do? What sincerely enjoy, that is healthy? Do you know? Do more of those things. Sometimes I see you on here and I see you triggered and argumentative. I think you make good points! I also think that your delivery could be put in a gentler, kinder, or at least more assertive way. I think you'll get there, in terms of your recovery. Be patient with yourself.

Tes, I am emotionally out of control... a bit
And I used to be able to make points and arguments in a kinder and more sophisticated way

I just had a problem with the suicide hotline. I talked about my problems and the receipt said all I said is wrong, so they included the abuse I’ve been to in that regard. I can’t believe a place which is supposed to help me says all I say is wrong
They tried to contact me afterwards. They said “We hope you’re not going to kill yourself... today”. This was beyond unbelievable

It is totally not their job to tell you what you're doing "wrong." I'm sorry that happened!

Are you in contact with your parents? Do you have an ok relationship with them? I know you'd said in the past your dad wasn't always very nice. But I'm wondering about your mom? Also can you call your T?

Either way, can you find a way to cool down for now? I learned about splashing cold water on my face when I'm upset. It actually helps! Also sometimes I wrap myself in a blanket and just listen to my favorite music.

Heh, I'd started a thread on self soothing in the Coping With Emotions forum. I need to listen to my own advice!

Hugs, VO.

Originally Posted by starrysky

It is totally not their job to tell you what you're doing "wrong." I'm sorry that happened!

Are you in contact with your parents? Do you have an ok relationship with them? I know you'd said in the past your dad wasn't always very nice. But I'm wondering about your mom? Also can you call your T?

Either way, can you find a way to cool down for now? I learned about splashing cold water on my face when I'm upset. It actually helps! Also sometimes I wrap myself in a blanket and just listen to my favorite music.

Heh, I'd started a thread on self soothing in the Coping With Emotions forum. I need to listen to my own advice!

Hugs, VO.

Thanks for listening and replying to what I say with such support!
My parents are no source for help. They only want me in a safety net and don’t want me to flourish

You're very welcome. I'm happy to.

When you say safety net, do you mean like, they want to catch you if you fall? And like they coddle you? Not sure what you mean.

No, they’re just fine with “supporting me” (not checking on me despite telling my parents about it countless times, asking them why they won’t check on me and finding it hard to get help when the calls go unanswered no matter how hard I work to make them understand the calls)
They don’t want me to flourish, and would prefer me being “weak” and “in need of support”, rather than see me as “strong” and “in need of encouragement and boosting upwards”

Why are you thanking this post?

Hmm... My parents are the same way. For the longest time, I tried to so hard to get my mom to be different. To care in the way I needed her to. To change who she was, essentially. It was frustrating for a long time. At the same time, I love and care about my parents. I've made peace with it now. But my mom is definitely....well, for the longest time I was like, "I don't get her."

Do they support you financially and let you live with them?

Perhaps that is just what they know to do. In terms of them not wanting you to flourish, are you sure? Do you know that as a fact? If they haven't said that outright to you, I think it might be in your benefit to consider the idea that...your parents just are doing the best they can (even if it seems like a crappy one to you. And I can so relate, every time I bring up job stuff to my mom, she says "well you don't have to decide today" ahh! so frustrating! I'm learning to just stop going to her with issues of that nature) with who they are and what they know and have. People are interesting. It would be interesting to be able to choose our family before we're born.

Originally Posted by Vibrating Obsidian

Why are you thanking this post?

Was thanking you for explaining.

Originally Posted by starrysky

Hmm... My parents are the same way. For the longest time, I tried to so hard to get my mom to be different. To care in the way I needed her to. To change who she was, essentially. It was frustrating for a long time. At the same time, I love and care about my parents. I've made peace with it now. But my mom is definitely....well, for the longest time I was like, "I don't get her."

Do they support you financially and let you live with them?

Perhaps that is just what they know to do. In terms of them not wanting you to flourish, are you sure? Do you know that as a fact? If they haven't said that outright to you, I think it might be in your benefit to consider the idea that...your parents just are doing the best they can (even if it seems like a crappy one to you. And I can so relate, every time I bring up job stuff to my mom, she says "well you don't have to decide today" ahh! so frustrating! I'm learning to just stop going to her with issues of that nature) with who they are and what they know and have. People are interesting. It would be interesting to be able to choose our family before we're born.

I won’t elaborate on that but I am an opportunist in nature and my parents decline that nature. I wanted to work on a project in the hopes they would help me get it done through connections but they don’t bother
Because I am an opportunist the glass is not full enough, and it seems to pull me down rather than fill me up

[Deejay14]

VO,
Regarding your words on your last post about your opportunistic nature pulling you down or the glass is not full enough.

If that's the way you feel about being opportunistic perhaps that is not the right path you should follow. Do things that fill that cup enough for you...things you feel passionate about. Do the things that feed your soul, that help you to feel good. Start that gratitude journal so you have a minute or two of positive thought. Initially this could be a challenge especially if you're really down. The first week you might only be grateful you saw a beautiful flowering tree...and that might seem like "diddly squat" to you but it is a beginning and an important one. I also think DBT could be helpful to you in learning distress tolerance ie. skills to get you through the hard times.

I have learned in life that good things take effort and perseverance and don't fall from the sky in front of you. You have to be willing to do "the work" and pay your dues no matter what that may be. There are no short cuts in life but that doesn't mean every day be full of negativity. Some times even in small way we need to change our thought process, in how we are going to view a certain issue, not always easy but sometimes the alternative is worse. In the midst of a thunderstorm I can find something good. It wasn't always like that, but I can easily access the good now. Hope some of what I have written is at least worth reflecting on.

Originally Posted by Deejay14

VO,
Regarding your words on your last post about your opportunistic nature pulling you down or the glass is not full enough.

If that's the way you feel about being opportunistic perhaps that is not the right path you should follow. Do things that fill that cup enough for you...things you feel passionate about. Do the things that feed your soul, that help you to feel good. Start that gratitude journal so you have a minute or two of positive thought. Initially this could be a challenge especially if you're really down. The first week you might only be grateful you saw a beautiful flowering tree...and that might seem like "diddly squat" to you but it is a beginning and an important one. I also think DBT could be helpful to you in learning distress tolerance ie. skills to get you through the hard times.

I have learned in life that good things take effort and perseverance and don't fall from the sky in front of you. You have to be willing to do "the work" and pay your dues no matter what that may be. There are no short cuts in life but that doesn't mean every day be full of negativity. Some times even in small way we need to change our thought process, in how we are going to view a certain issue, not always easy but sometimes the alternative is worse. In the midst of a thunderstorm I can find something good. It wasn't always like that, but I can easily access the good now. Hope some of what I have written is at least worth reflecting on.

VO, I hope you're having a better afternoon.

Still wanting to die
And can you please not express side-taking?
I find it unhelpful and only adding more unnecessary pressure for me
Other than that, thanks for the help so far

[Deejay14]

VO,
I think every one who has replied is on your side.

Originally Posted by Deejay14

VO,
I think every one who has replied is on your side.

That means allot to me

[zara smith]

Hi vibrating obsidian,
Sorry to hear from you. I can understand your situation.
I think you should visit a therapist for relationship counseling.
He/She will definitely help you.
Thanks..

[Edwin3]

I agree that it can be very painful when people give up on us, and running into the same roadblocks again and again can be very discouraging. I guess my comment here is that other people’s opinion’s do not define your true potential. You have value and potential whether anyone else recognizes it or not! Your well-being and peace is not dependent on what people say, but on who you are! I have to admit that I am deeply affected by what people think and say about me. We are all social creatures and I really do want to be appreciated. But I have also found it quite freeing to put aside worrying about what other people think and just embrace the fact that I do have value and purpose in the world and pursue finding out what that is.

[Staying Inside]

Originally Posted by Vibrating Obsidian

* Scapegoated by family
* Lost friends
* Therapist expresses low confidence in treating me and its the fifth one, and the one I trusted most
* Can’t study due to great stress
* Concerns getting along with apartment colleagues

I have no idea what to do

I don’t deserve a life like this. I deserve so much more than that and I’m not getting it
Might as well end my life

Hi,

I understand the feeling of scapegoating from family, and losing friends.

It's a hard and lonely feeling.
I just wanted to let you know that I can relate.

Originally Posted by Staying Inside

Hi,

I understand the feeling of scapegoating from family, and losing friends.

It's a hard and lonely feeling.
I just wanted to let you know that I can relate.

Thanks
Anything you want to share?

[Artchic528]

Maybe break things down and tackle them one by one.