Control and Suicide

I completly agree, if a person is serious, it is total control, and the feeling at the time might be the only controll that person feels they have. But it may not take hardly any time, or effort, just a decision. Some people are spontainous.

There are many reasons for suicide. Sure, usually suicide is the result of severe depression and desperation. But sometimes a person suicides because they simply don't want to face a future they don't want. When my aunt was 60 her husband of 42 years died suddenly of a heart attack. My aunt and uncle had a storybook marriage; they adored each other. So his death really hit her terribly hard. A few months after that, she found out that she was going to have to have her leg amputated because of damage from diabetes. My aunt had no mental illness and she was not prone to depression. But she chose not to accept a the future she was facing, and suicided.

I wish she wouldn't have done it, her suicide was awful. I miss her so much - as does everyone left in my family. But she said she wanted to be with her beloved husband. I can understand, in some ways, how she felt, facing her life without her husband, with the prospect of losing her leg, and with the continuing health problems she had.

I know that my many attempts were all because I felt trapped in the marriage I couldn't get out if because of the financial situation we ended up in & the H wouldn't file bankruptcy because I kept ending up in the psych hospital & medical hospital.

It was a horrible period that really didn't end until I was finally able to leave after my mom died & I was able to sell her house.

It was like a light switch of that feeling turning off as soon as I left....took me awhile to really put the pieces together to understand that in my case it was everything to do with my inability to have control over my living situation so I felt there was no other way to escape. My aneroxia was for similar reasons. The only thing I could control at that time was what I wouldn't eat & my stress always had created a lack of appetite.

I am so thankful I was never successful in my attempts because my future ended up awesome beyond anything I could have ever imagined. I am definitely proof that suicide would have been a permanent solutikn to a temporary situation though 13 years did NOT feel temporary.

Everyone's situation is so different. One theory doesn't fit all situations

We're all thankful, too. You have too much going for you to throw everything away. Your posts are wonderful to read.

Thank you Cool09..I learned a lot from being able to look back at that past & all I went through & even why. I can't imagine ever being in that dark place in my life again.

For me it is both. I lack control over a part that gets triggered and hijacks me. The control part is being able to plan everything out because that takes control. It takes control also to reach out to someone to help un-trigger me.

But yes when I am hijacked "self" definitely feels not in control and is sitting in the back seat holding on for dear life.

I think that you need a good definition of ‘control’ before going any further. As I think you’re using the word, it means agency, maybe degrees of agency. Choice, let’s say?

It’s difficult to say just what degree of agency is in play when someone makes suicide attempts. Or feels even momentarily suicidal. It’s difficult because many people are ill, or not thinking clearly, when making attempts — not in surrendering agency but having it taken from them. Responsible but with diminished capacity.

I’m horrified by some things in my past — some things connected to/caused by my mental disorders. I usually answer myself with a “I could not help but to do what I did.” But that’s not enough to unburden my responsibility so I always use the ‘diminished capacity’ defense.

It’s odd, but I’ve never really been suicidal. I don’t believe that I’ve any more control than the next psychotic bastard, though. If there is any kind of chin-up-self-moderation in suicide, I’ve never seen it (and I have a lot of experience with suicide and suicidal ideation).

I’m going to strike the word choice, even. In my experience, those who are suicidal feel as if they have no other choices.

So, no, not only is there no control over suicidal ideation, it may not even feel like a choice.

When I was younger I was taught that suicides went straight to Hell.

Then I grew up.

I don't have a strong desire to live, so suicide is always kept as an option in me life.

It is not control for me, not even intense pain in my life. I just don't have a strong desire to live and have not had that desire in many, many years.

I appreaciate your openion, but with me it is not true. I am spontainous, and if this comes in my mind, I automatickly do somthing with anything I can find. That is a very big reason why my T, Pdoc. and family keep a close eye on me, bc I just do it!!!!!!!!

I used to be spontanious with my attempts also....but NOW that I am in control of my life & out of the marriage I felt trapped in I have never had the urge to be spontanious in that way any longer. So I can see how for me it was totally about control just like my anorexia. Sad when one feels it is the only way to escape though the escape took over 13 years to finally happen. It made ALL the difference in my mental health.