Maybe On-line Support Is Not For Me

Narcissism has a technical meaning that isn't so much to do with the conception of narcissists falling in love with their reflection.

'Narcissistic personality disorders' are ones that are thought to arise in response to a particular childhood developmental process being interrupted. Narcissistic / borderline personality pathology are both thought of as 'narcissistic' disorders. I guess their relation to the common notion is that when one is emotionally freaking out... one gets kind of caught in the freakout (reflection) such that one isn't really able to refocus on other things (e.g., reality test, focus on others etc). Both disorders are thought to arise in response to a lack of 'mirroring' / 'validating' responses from others. I guess borderlines tend to seek emotional validation while narcissists tend to seek mirroring...

It passes...
Freakouts come...
And while they are upon one it seems like ones whole life is just one long extended freakout with no remission...
But then they go...
And one starts to think 'there is nothing wrong with me, nothing wrong at all'
And then they come back...

Coming and going...
Over and over...
Hard to remember that they pass.
But they DO pass.
And they become less frequent over time
And they pass more quickly over time
And one can learn little things to do to help one get through without %#@&#! things up TOOOOOO bad.
At least... That is my experience.
I hope it is the same for you.
Hang in there.

Unfortunately, part of the symptomology of narcissim is the inability to accept the fact that they are self-absorbed. A true narcissist probably wouldn't be asking questions or telling others about "flaws" in themselves, as they don't see any.

Good thread, btw. (((AS)))

Speaking as one who spent three years recovering from involvment with a true Narcissist, who really was a sociopath, I have to say that you do not fit the description.
A true Narcissist is incapable of healthy self-examination, is all about him/herself, and will use people to fill their N gratification. You do not seem to be totally like this. As I said, we all are Narcissitic to some degree. Be careful of labeling yourself a N!
Patty

Narcissistic personality, anti-social personality, and borderline personality are characterized as being part of the same cluster of personality disorders.

There are some features in common.

People with borderline personality disorder often appear narcissistic when they are caught in the grips of an intense emotional episode.

But: It passes.

And when one is not under great stress / in the grips of an intense emotional episode one can indeed be capable of great empathy.

Basically...

It depends on your theory of narcissism...

I think we should be wary of judgemental / negative characterizations...

Kohut talks about 'disorders of the self' which he also refers to as 'narcissistic disorders'. By 'narcissistic disorders' he intends to be talking about people who tend to regress under traditional psychoanalysis, and people whose main need seems to be one of MIRRORING / VALIDATION. He views narcissism as an understandable response to an INVALIDATING ENVIRONMENT.

Sound familiar (to those who have read Linehan's take on BPD???)

I don't think I could have put it more succinctly as you have for me in these few statements, ak.

Can I quote you often on this?

AS, I have run into the same problems as you do, but I think I've figured out one thing that is easy for both of us to change and might make an impact.

I too am strongly opinionated and not afraid to call it as I see it. Most of the time, people seem to appreciate my perspective, but once in a while I really %#@&#! someone off. It usually occurs when I chime in with my differing opinion without asking a single question. Looking back on some of those posts, I clearly made some assumptions and responded accordingly. I should have asked more and said less.

I don't think people, for the most part, mind being disagreed with. What they DO mind is presumptuousness. And I mind that too - it is insulting not to be given the benefit of the doubt. I also find that I can avoid seeming patronizing if I try to show that I can "see" the other side of the argument (the side that I disagree with), and do my best to relate to that part, too.

I hope that helps. It is frustrating, I realize, especially when we post with the intention of helping rather than hurting, but the opposite effect occurs.

Hang in there

</font><blockquote><div id="quote"><font class="small">Quote:</font>
Not everyone is accepted here. I don't think I am one of them. If I cannot be accepted for who I am, then really, what AM I DOING HERE?

I suppose that is a question for introspection for many of us too. You're not alone on that thought.

</div></font></blockquote><font class="post">

You know what, Moodyblu? There is ONE thing that does give me comfort and it is recognizing members' names even if I don't know them.

Your name, for instance, always puts a Moody Blues tune in my head, and I love that!

</font><blockquote><div id="quote"><font class="small">Quote:</font>
I try to keep in mind that we are at different levels of maturity and stability. Some days I feel like I'm not on the same wavelength as anyone else and those days hurt. But they don't last. Different people are here on different days.

</div></font></blockquote><font class="post">

I do keep forgetting that! Thanks for reminding me.

</font><blockquote><div id="quote"><font class="small">Quote:</font>
Knowing I'm not the only one who has ever felt that way makes me feel like I'm not alone in this world. You can always remember that you are not alone by being here.

</div></font></blockquote><font class="post">

And I do (uh, don't)? ever feel alone here. As some of you do know, I have been through this before. I have never experienced such support and from so many people as I have since I have joined. It's quite a head-rush, actually, and it does bring me back to reality much quicker than if I were alone IRL.

</font><blockquote><div id="quote"><font class="small">Quote:</font>
You've been given a lot of compliments in this thread, and I think they are well deserved.

</div></font></blockquote><font class="post">

I have! And I don't know what to say, except Thank You All!

sooooooo does this mean you accept us and yourself and will continue on here, cuz we need you big time
Angie

</font><blockquote><div id="quote"><font class="small">Quote:</font>
I feel judged sometimes also ..... having said that, it's MY problem that I feel judged ... but I feel paranoid too .... sometimes with good reason, sometimes not....

</div></font></blockquote><font class="post">

I wonder if I come here for that specific reason. I need others' perspectives, and judging is good in certain circumstances. My perceptions are so extreme and all over the place, and unfortunately, because I am generally a pessimist, I often (always) go directly to the negative.

Most people in my life get caught up in having to deal with my emotional behaviours, and that takes them away from what I am trying to say (I am so Scarlet O'Hara dramatic, it's actually pathetic), but now I am realizing that it is not all about how I say it, but what I say, too (although...body language makes up 80+ % and what we say, only 15%, if that?). Look at how I wordy I got just to explain that I was feeling judged! And to tell you the truth, it was strictly related to my current emotional state. Paranoia, just as you stated.

When I can say the same thing on-line, read the responses, freak out silently, I can then begin to consider the "realities" behind the responses. I can't really do that once I have "spun" someone out of their own mind IRL.

In the case of this thread, it is obvious that I just needed reassurance that my being here is okay, no matter how badly I may have (or think I may have) %#@&#! up.

I am also seeing the way I am going about it, is, well, rather childish in nature. Gotta change this...

I am glad for the posts I've been getting. Some have been gentle in their opinions, some have shown me that they support me whole-heartedly, which confirms their own feelings as well (I'm hoping that is also a good thing), and some have given some very straight forward and constuctive criticism (ouch).

And ALL are good for me!

And I, you...

Ah, yes... being presumptuous. I am very guilty of that.

Being triggered has alot to do with it, but so does my arrogance about what I think I know - without getting further information, as you stated.

I understand now why I feel like I am "being patronizing" I think I am also trying to pass it off by projecting it onto others??

Sorry, LMo. Hope you are keeping yourself well!

I know - I do the same thing sometimes... we can keep each other in check, ok?

Ok, so I know I have crossed the line when I tick you off!

Fair enough! I can "feel" it when I do. It's in the spirit of your writing!