Random thoughts/worries/whatever

I've been wanting to write about some of these for a few days now, but couldn't think of the words...I'm going to try now, though. Maybe they should go in separate posts on different boards, but I'm putting them here just to make life easier and in case any are linked. Apologies for the length!

1. I don't know what I want to do when I graduate any more. Well, I know what I want to do - car design - but I'm beginning to realise that this dream is just that - a dream. Looking round various websites, it seems there are two things I lack - an American citizenship, or fluency in another language. (A degree in transportation design would probably have helped, too - my degree in mechanical engineering seems to be too general.) No big deal, you might say - I'm only in my first year of my degree, I can easily find something else I'm interested in in the next four years. But what if I don't? I've already had the experience of being at a job I don't like for a month, and that was bad enough...the thought of dreading work for 40 years is a scary and depressing one. And that's if I even manage to get a job! So many applications seem to be looking for people I could never pretend to be - outgoing, dynamic, confident etc. - I'm none of these things. I'm a mouse. I'm scared to take responsibility in case I make mistakes. I'm nothing.

2. I got some bad news from one of my friends today. Well, it's great news for her - she knows who she's going to be living with next year now - but it's bad news for me, because I was hoping I'd be able to get a flat with her. I was too scared to ask in case she said no, and look where that got me. I have another friend on the course, but she lives at home, and I think she wants to stay that way, plus she's said her parents probably wouldn't be able to afford it if she lived in a flat (her older brother's living away from home, and I guess her parents are supporting him). So, it looks like I'm facing another year in halls. I guess that's not too bad - it's nice being "looked after" (our boiler broke yesterday and we had it fixed that evening, for example) - but I don't have much in common with my flatmates, and I'd be in with a whole different set next year if I re-applied for halls...and I'd probably have even less in common with them, because they'd most likely be first years. (Not many people stay in halls for more than a year here.) And I'm fed up with being woken up by people running up and down our corridor at 4am, the fire alarm going off when anyone dries their hair, the mess in the kitchen, the lack of freedom we get (no posters on walls etc.)...I was looking forward to being somewhere different, and now I've blown it.

3. Orchestra rehearsals start again in a couple of weeks - we just got given our schedule last night, and I don't know how I'm going to cope through February! One weekend is 10AM-10PM Saturday and 10AM-2:30PM Sunday; the next is 6PM-9PM Friday, 10AM-10PM Saturday and 10AM-10PM Sunday; and the one after that is 7PM-10PM Friday, 2PM-4PM Saturday and then the concert Saturday evening. I enjoy the rehearsals, and it's great having a chance to play as part of a group (playing in my room with a practice mute on just isn't the same...), but I don't know how I'm going to fit in things like food shopping, laundry, study... I guess it's possible, though, that I won't be needed for all the pieces - I'll find out when I get the music.

Any thoughts/advice would be much appreciated. These things aren't seeming quite as overwhelming now as when I first heard about them, but all the same...it's times like this I could really do with a Pensieve. (Harry Potter reference, in case anyone hasn't read the books. )

1. I would stay with what you love.

In 1967 I decided I wanted to be a research historian. I started Uni in September of 1968 but had similar doubts you seem to and in 1971, just before my senior year, I changed majors from history to sociolgy because I was expected to write a paper and present it to a group of my peers. Too shy :-) so I changed majors. I graduated with a BA in sociology into the 1972 U.S. recession.

In 2001 I started wondering, with the millenium and all and having been born in 1950 so being the big 5-0, "When I'm 85 and looking back on my life, is there anything I'll regret?" Unbidden, the question rose, "Whatever happened to history? You loved it so!" I explored my old Uni and they had an online course exactly like the one I'd skipped out of, I took it and loved it. I decided to get a second BA in history and did in May 2007, a mere 40 years after my decision to be a historian.

So, moral of the story :-) why not continue with what you love, try for it and if you don't get it and have to work the horrible job, that won't be any more horrible than not working toward it and having to work the horrible jobs anyway. And you will have been true to yourself which will help you grow. If I had faced my fears when they rose in 1971 and worked my way through the thesis writing and discussing then, maybe I wouldn't have needed the 30+ years therapy

2. I'm so sorry your friend is going with another friend. I had that happen to me; one of my best friends from high school (still is a good friend) got a flat at Uni and didn't ask me. I don't know that it is your fault for not asking her to share with you. Yes, it might have been helpful to you to face your fear of rejection and/or deal with that but, unfortunately, there will be a whole lot more opportunities for you to do that further on in life, LOL.

3. Hope orchestra isn't more stressful than pleasurable for you and you can fit in all the rehearsals you need.

Hi Rio, I am so sorry I don't have answers for you...it sounds like you have a lot going on. So, if I don't have answers, why reply? Well, I want you to know I read your post and I care about you. I hope others will have some ideas. Sorry I am not much help...but I will send some positive thoughts your way.

hi rio... just wanted to say, dont sell yourself short about the kind of person you are.. it soounds like you're comparing yourself to the lions... it takes all types in life.. i can totally understand the fears of finding the career you'll want to last forever.. idk, some seem to have figured that out... i like the words to a song called the Dance... 'our lives are better left to chance, i could have missed the pain, but i'd have had to miss the Dance' i know its kinda corny, but think about it, its true...

*hugs* just want you to know I'm thinking up a response for you... but I've realized I just hit the wall. Sleepy time! I will be back

RIo
This will sound really silly maybe to you
But did you ever watch the "movie field of dreams"
Watch it...............
DO what you love, Do the dream part first.......
Follow your heart on this , better to have tryed then not try at all
muffy

Thanks, Perna.

1. Yikes, I can see why you changed majors! That's great you managed to do it again later, though. That's a good point, and to be fair I do keep changing my mind... It always comes back to car design, though. (I still have some of the drawings from when I was 8, I think. )

2. Thanks. I'm sorry it happened to you as well - what did you end up doing, if you don't mind my asking? That's true, and it's not like it's the first time my fear of rejection has caused problems, either...if it wasn't for that, then I might not still be trying to deal with a crush from early high school. (But I guess that's another story. )

3. Thanks, I hope so too! Still haven't heard anything about the music yet.

Thanks, DePressMe, and don't worry about not having answers - a lot of the time, it helps me just being able to write things down.

Thanks, nowheretorun. I guess you're right, but it seems from job adverts that they only take the very best... I'm glad you understand, and thanks for the lyrics - they do make sense.

Thanks, SpazKatt. That's ok, I'll be going to sleep myself pretty soon!

Thanks, muffy. I haven't...but I just looked it up, and I was only about a month old when it came out, so that might be why. I'll have to see if I can find it, it sounds good! That's true.

I ended up just being in the dorms. It's another life. My girlfriend's situation only lasted a semester or year I think. Someone always has a problem and moves out or isn't "right" (it was more than just one other person in her situation) so my friend ended up in dorms too. We had been in high school together so saw one another when we were "home" from college still, we were still friends, came to one another's parties, weddings, etc. Her daughter just graduated from high school a couple years ago and I felt old/weird sending a check for a present just like I'd been sent by aunts, family friends, etc. She doesn't live near me now but she'll fly in and we'll go to our 40th high school reunion in October with another good high school friend!

Ok.. I'm back as promised!

1. I don't see why you should not pursue your dream, I might not be understanding a couple things a.Why do you need to be an American citizen (it's really not all it's cracked up to be . I'm sure that probably just got me put on some government watch list lol) b.Why do you need to be FLUENT in a second language, and which would that be? Also, you mentioned you're only in your first year would there be a possiblity that you could change your concentration? I changed mine like 3 times, which added a year to my schooling but it was worth it. I'm not going to lie, it's HARD to get a job right now, I applied to over 45 different places and it took just over a year to get a job in my field. I had to move to a different state, but I finally got a job in my field and am loving it. I understand your worries about people having better personalities, but do your best and be who YOU are, eventually you will get hired for who YOU are! My boss said he chose me for my personality, it was what set me apart from everyone else who was similar and I was like, you're kidding! Stick with it and don't give up I know you can do it.

2. When I went to college I stayed on campus for all five... yes FIVE years! I did it both ways, getting luck of the draw roomates and rooming with my friends. Rooming with my friends was a complete disaster, we ended up getting on each others nerves, we don't even speak anymore it was so bad. For the other 3 years I just went in and took what they gave me, I made 4 of the best friends and it was the best thing I ever did. We even decided to room together again for our last year since we liked each other so much. At my college they had 2 halls just for upper level or older students, you should look to see if there is anything similar at your college. Also, I lived with roomates who were a year behind me, it seems that there is less difference between ages when you're in college.

3. Unfortunately, I don't have much advice for your Orchestra schedule other than to be creative with your time! Good luck!

I hope this helps!

Thanks, SpazKatt.

1. I've been looking around various websites, and there's very little in the way of car design being done in the UK - the US and mainland Europe (France and Germany, for example) seem to be the main ones. The American companies ask for an American citizenship before you can work there (I tried emailing one to ask about their internship program, and the reply was "The program is only for U.S. Citizens.") And as for languages, this is from the Audi website:

Before you find out more about the working world of Audi, we would just like to point out that all the following pages are in German. After all, you should have a good command of the language if you want to work for us in Germany.

There is a simple reason for this: not everyone in Germany speaks English and we want our employees to be as closely integrated as possible. And since the language used by the Audi Group is German, you will need a good grasp of the language in order to be able to communicate with our customers, your future colleagues and the majority of our suppliers.

I speak some German, but I wouldn't say I exactly "have a good command of the language"...I'm guessing it would be the same in other countries as well.

So, it does look like I'm going to have to change my concentration (I'm not going to give up on car design entirely, though, if I can help it.). I'm going to keep my degree, though - I like it. It's quite general, and graduates have gone to various different companies. That's great you managed to find a job you love! Thanks, I guess that's true.

2. Wow! I don't think they'd let us do that here - priority goes to first year students in all the halls (postgraduates get their own halls, though), and there aren't usually many spaces left over. Sorry staying with your friends didn't work out, but that's good you managed to make more. I got some possibly good news about flat sharing yesterday, actually - one of my friends who currently stays at home said she'd like to move out and live with me next year, she's just not sure she can afford it. I probably shouldn't be getting my hopes up, but I told her I'd look around and see what the prices were...if this does work out it'd be great, she's a really nice person. And hopefully she wouldn't bang on my wall at 4am, unlike some people here...

3. That's ok - thanks! I've managed before, but there weren't so many rehearsals those times...this could be interesting.