[MuddyBoots]

I don’t like how all it takes is some analysis of my mannerisms, not wearing long sleeves or baggy clothes, or honestly some days me just opening my mouth for more than five minutes for anyone with at least a room temp IQ to know I’m “not ok.”

I can control my body language and responses but only up to a point. I cant make the scars go away or the nutrition magically appear just to blend in for others comfort and the dog days of summer are fast approaching… ugh…

[Nammu]

I’ve scars all up and down my arms plus “null” burned into my arm. I’m too old to care anymore. When I first moved into this place I got asked about my arms. I just say, “I don’t talk about it”. If somebody who didn’t know that asked then various people would tell them, “She doesn’t talk about it.” It’s been almost two years now and it’s a non issue. I’m accepted as I am. My therapist said it sounds like people here respect me. I don’t know if they do but they do respect my boundaries.

[Calla lily12]

I'm too old to care about my scars. I don't care any more, but the awkwardness I feel trying to "act normal" is really hard. I feel like everyone "knows".

[MuddyBoots]

It’s not really other people respecting me or other people my age/ older asking about it, but I used to work at an amusement park and with little kids my worst fear was when they would ask what happened (I’d turn it into some bs story about saving a kid who broke the rules), but then there’s the guilt for lying even if it felt like the better thing to do.

Possible trigger:

December I went wild on my arm and still have significant purple scarring that they were all convinced was more recent than December. Because it was that bad.

and there’s just a lot of guys out there with the “grippy socks, grippy box” mentality that I have to protect myself from too.

I’m trying to urge surf right now

Possible trigger:

because. I have access to some Klonopin I was prescribed and am tempted

but I wish I had someone to fking talk to real time where I could be like “hey, I want to do this, can we talk while I do t? And they not freak out? Because that’s not gonna happen. They also freak out always

[forestx5]

I'm a little eccentric, but I earned it. I recently had a psych evaluation for restoration of my firearms rights (related to a previous TDO and commitment). I had filed a petition with the court and represented myself against the advice of the clerk of court and sheriffs deputy.who told me I needed a lawyer. The psych evaluation noted that I was verbose, suggesting am more descriptive than is necessary. I attribute that to the fact that for the 40 years I lived with a hidden neuro psychiatric illness, I had no one to confide in. My petition was approved by the court. Then I went to neurosurgery after having a neck x-ray. I broke my neck in February and had been wearing a hard neck brace. My C2 fracture had fused, but the PA shared concerns about the severe stenosis in my lower cervical area and thoracic area. She gave me a 6 month appointment to come back and be evaluated. I went to the fitness center and the girls at the desk noticed I wasn't wearing my brace. I told them I had the neurosurgery appointment and I was given bad news. Oh no, they said. What is it. I was given two weeks, I said......and then it's back to work!

[MuddyBoots]

"suggesting am more descriptive than is necessary."

but my BPD workbook said being specific is a positive relationship habit!

[MuddyBoots]

I've decided I'm just going to wear sweatpants and thin hoodies until it's flannel and thick hoodie season (well, or scrubs. I'll probably get tattoo sleeves to wear under those if I have to start wearing those soon). I could probably even start wearing make up to look less like a raccoon when I start wanting to impress for work and stuff.