Why do people have kids?

I never gave it a 2nd thought- I guess for me it was just the 'natural order' of things. I have always been fiercely maternal and nuturing- if we were at a get-together I would be the one looking after all the other kids lol. I babysat from the moment it was legal; I helped out in the local creches whenever I could etc etc. I even became an early childhood educator to work alongside children. And my relationship with them? Very close, very open. I hug and kiss them everyday and always tell them I love them- several times a day!
While I MIGHT have done things a little different I reckon I got the basics right for myself:- got married, finished uni (well,, got pregnant in last semester), had girls. Had I done things diff:-?? Finished uni, found work and stayed there til I was 3-4 yrs away, had the girls.

Well if I am totaly honest it was for me, I was being selfish as I wanted somthing that belonged to me and in my ignorance/youth I didnt understand that children are on loan to you and then you have to give them back (to themselves).

I am a very insecure person and needed the comfort of somthing that no one could take away and in thinking about it I am gratefull my first husband was such a louse as he didnt really care for them and left them to me. Oh I know I am getting that all wrong and am rambling as if he had been a good husband as the one I have now then I wouldnt of needed somthing for me and wouldnt of had them (maybe).

Now I have got myself all confused......

I also don't really have much of a maternal instinct. And for years, I thought I never wanted to have kids. I wanted to just be happily childless and focus on my career and be free to travel whenever and not be tied down and yadda yadda.

Well....missed a few pills, got knocked up.

And I wouldn't trade her for the world.

It's hard to explain the love you have for a child until you feel it yourself. Some days are hard, I mean REALLY hard, but when she gives me a big hug or says "I love you mommy" or just looks at me with those cute big eyes, my heart just melts.

I really want to give my daugther the life I never had. I know, I know...everyone says that. But I really want to have a good relationship with her, and I'm going to try my hardest to make it happen.

As far as wanting another child - well, I just want her to have a little brother or sister to grow up with and play with. I don't want a large family, probably just 2 kids, maybe 3 if there's another oops after that. But I do plan to put the IUD back in after the next one, so the chances of an oops are pretty slim.

I know for other people - especially my siblings and the culture we grew up in...well, it's kind-of expected that you will have a lot of kids. Family is really important to that culture, and most have large families. To them, family is more important than career or other goals. And in the end...in some ways, that can be true.

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Razzleberry said:
But I really want to have a good relationship with her, and I'm going to try my hardest to make it happen.

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(((((razzleberry)))))
I can relate totally to that- without ever giving it a thought I have always done the exact oposite for my kids that was done for me:- I hug and kiss them every day, tell them how much I love them, enjoy their company, and just generally ensure that we do have an honest open relationship that is incredibly close. It wasn't until last year during some work with my t that I reaslised just what I have always been doing with my girls (it was just instinct and the fact that I love them so much) and I am proud to say that all this 'work' that isn't work (it's just a part of the nuturing role) has paid off

Having kids forces you to be less shallow and self-centered, in a number of ways. It's not such a bad thing.

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candybear said:
Having kids forces you to be less shallow and self-centered, in a number of ways. It's not such a bad thing.

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I don't think you have to have kids to feel this intense love...

I understand what a lot of you said, but I also think a lot of the things mentioned can be accomplished without having children. I know that I am interested in making the world a better place, not by bringing children into it, but by being the best therapist (and one day psychologist) that I can be-- and help as many people as I can in their journeys. There is so much about my life that leaves no room for children. Having said that, I would never want to bring a life into this world with that type of attitude. I am very careful about my decisions. I know that things change, but this is for now and it will probably stay this way for quite awhile, if not forever.

Pinksoil - you're still quite young - of course your career is first and foremost on your mind. Mine was too at your age. You may never change your mind, or, as I did, you may accomplish more than you expected by your mid-30s and then realize that putting all of your stock into a career might not be the most balanced choice at that time.

Keep an open mind, and don't lock yourself into a "this is how I'll always be" mentality - it doesn't buy you anything to do so at this point.

One more thing is your career - you are helping people, building lives. That gives you a sense of purpose.

For some people, family gives them that sense of purpose. Building a little person's life. Watching them grow. Helping them succeed.

In a good family - family is always there for you. They see you thru the bad times, they are there for your weddings, graduations, birthdays, all that.

Might be hard to see that side of it if you come from a dysfunctional family or abuse history. But for many, that is what they want - the perfect little family where they can watch their kids grow up and lead successful lives.

Doesn't mean you HAVE to have kids to feel that way. Just the reason why some people do.

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candybear said:
Having kids forces you to be less shallow and self-centered, in a number of ways. It's not such a bad thing.

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Ha! I thoroughly ENJOY being self-centered (it's my right as a single human being) and have NEVER been considered SHALLOW by any means--wow--.

Why I haven't - alcoholism on BOTH sides of the family. Lack of a place to be that I would like for them to be. I can't CHOOSE to have a GIRL. Several reasons really. Just got skinny 5 years ago - don't really want the weight gain.

BUT if I ever had a boo boo I would just by golie do the very best I could.

The only reason I have ever wanted a child (never more than 1) is so that I could have a mini-me. LOL! A beautiful little dark-haired girl with the same p*ss & vinegar running through her veins, smart, funny, and full of life.


Sure hope the NUVA RING doesn't give out!


On a lighter note- these stories of why or why not to have children are incredible.

My mom said when she got pregnant with me - she was scared as could be but, she knew she wanted me more than anything in this world. That statement has meant the world to me as a daughter.

((((FOR ALL MOMMIES))))))

There are many reasons which have been well highlighted in this thread...

Like everything else that's gets discussed here,,,there are so many wonderfully insightfull perspectives about our lives...no one is better or worse for having or not having offspring..we live the lives we have..

I can truthfully say that the gift of my children has made me a different person than I would have been without them....I like to think that they have helped me see things I may have missed...

But none of us get out of thing thing alive...so maybe the passing of those very few strings of DNA and all the care that hopefully goes into them after the act...is a small way of achieving a better future...

I just don't know,,but I'm certainly gratefull for the experience...

Lenny

for me.. I just always wanted children... never had a time (well perhaps when my son was between 18-22 - when I would have adopted him out for awhile..smiling here......).. that I didn't....perhaps.. almost dying from a tumor at 19... and being told "no children"... entered into it...

but I wanted children well before that...so just a deep seated... wanting to have children and show them all the love that I didn't get as a child...

thru my faith.. my son was a gift from "God"... is just my faith..

this is just for me.... my opinion... my feeling....