[wisewoman]

I had an experience yesterday that I can't get into detail about due to privacy concerns. Basically I walked into a death and a very sad related even. I speant several hours trying to figure out what to do, my adenalin running. I had a response where as usually I am miss calm and love me in a crisis, here I was visably shaken and could not process info well and make clear decisions. It was, I think a sign of health. It was a yucky thing and I had a response that was normal and while I dreamed about the event and I am sad, I dealt with it then for the most part. Sorry can't give more info. Let's just say I felt like I was on cop t.v. Was able to be helpful and present to a relative much later and i am pooped. I guess it's a ptsd thing, I am feeling. Feeling stinks, I shook and swear I thought like a drunk. But I had my response and feel healthier for it. Make sense?

[karen]

Wisewoman, I am so sorry you had to deal with something so traumatic! It sounds like you had a very normal and healthy resonse, and I bet it did feel weird. Cursing like a sailor allowed your anger/frustration to come out instead of keeping it inside, which is what you have probably always done. So ... good job! (But I am sorry you had to go through it!)

[Rapunzel]

It sounds like you had another traumatic experience. I'm sorry that happened to you. {{{{{{{{{{{{{wisewoman}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}} I'm not sure how to help you, but want you to know that you are loved, and of course it's ok to feel this and to react to it and to do what you need to so that you can grieve. You don't have to tell us any more if you don't want to or feel that you can, but we're here if you need us.

Love,
Wendy

[Wants2Fly]

Hello Wisewoman --

It sounds grim and upsetting. I don't think we have to know more details to understand how traumatic this must have been. Your response does sound normal.

I've often had this little fantasy -- after reading mystery novels and watching murders on TV -- the characters are always so calm. I've long had the feeling that most of the rest of us (except those whose work requires exposure to accident and murder victims) would totally freak if we stumbled on a body in, say, our motel room.

I hope you will be able to relax and get some rest today. (((((Wisewoman))))))

[itsjustme111]

(((((((((((((((((((((((((((((ww))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))); sounds like such a traumatic experience. I am not sure what to say either then I am thinking of you and sending you tons of hugs. Let us know how you are doing, okay. I hope your day goes a little better for you.

Justy

[wisewoman]

boy what a scrambled post huh? Today I did good things. The living person is safe and has a measure of comfort, small but real. The dead person died very quickly, no suffering. I am fully aware that there are no black and whites here and see all the greys and it's an incredible experience. I deal with death a lot, it is not death in it'self but the trauma of what I unexpectedly walked into. But I comforted a human to a great extent today and helped another and that's okay. I am capable of loving people even when I know they have done bad things. I love a lot and it opens me to pain but also life of fullness. I can see a fragile soul and offer love without conditions. I am not there with my own family who caused me so much pain. I see pretty black and white there, but I am there in the world and I am happy about that. My job is trauma after trauma and I choose it. I think the key is to feel it and know it's okay and move beyond it. It is okay to be sad, shaken, feel loss. Not allowing the feeling causes more pain. I hope this makes some sense to you all. Out of the ashes I have found a small gift and am able to share it.

[Rapunzel]

That makes sense to me. And, yeah, even when you can deal with things like that professionally, when it comes down to your own family and your own life, that's a whole 'nother story, isn't it? Because you and your feelings are right in the middle of it, even childhood feelings that still feel like they did then, when you didn't have the benefit of adult understanding or professional training to process them. Hang in there. You sound like you will be ok. Just try not to hold yourself responsible for more than your share.