What your T makes you feel like?

Hi all,

I'm really wondering about the way I feel when I am in front of my therapist : When I look into her eyes and see some kind of joy in it, I feel as if I was a very happy & cheerful child. This is so strange because i don't feel the kind of happyness my 26 yrs old age makes me usually feel - the adult happyness- No, I feel this is the sort of feelings I would get when I was a child. It's immediate : as soon as I see this in her eyes, I feel this cheerfulness right away!

I know this has to do with transference..and I was wondering if any of you feel the same in front of your T?

I also wonder if she can see what she makes me feel, like stupidly happy, my eyes full of admiration for her..

It's actually a bit tricky cause inside I feel like a stupidly childishly unbelievably happy kid while I have you know to appear like this normal, "don't worry I don't feel anything huge for you" adult..
This is gonna sound silly but sometimes, while she's talking to me, & we look at each other, I tell her in my head "I love you so much" & I 'd love her to feel it but obviously she can't know...
I have noticed that what I really want is her to love me. This is what I really want -her love. I try hard to understand how she feels, if she feels anything 4 me but I don't know..

What about you? Does this happy kid thing rings a bell? Or do you feel completely different in front of T?

Thanks for listning !

I feel comfort as soon as I walk into my T's building. It's the only place I really feel safe. It's the only place I can cry. I mostly cry because the way he makes me feel. I feel he actually cares about me. I've never had anyone care about me the way he does. He's just so gently and ethical. He is always honest with me. I know he just wants to help me and does all he can to help.

Whenever I call to make an appointment I'm so afraid the receptionist is going to tell me he no longer works there. I would just die. My T said he not going anywhere.

I love him, but not in a sexual way. I love him for who he is.

I always enjoyed going to my T because she made me feel "hopeful" and that was a good boost to have day-to-day throughout the rest of the week. I know the transference thing you're talking about Lostisland, I felt some of that too and was glad of it since it was so "young" and thus before my stepmother and her and my problems together. To me it meant there was something good "underneath" that just needed uncovering and cleaning off and there "I" would be again/still :-)

Thanx Raceka & Perna for your answers!

Raceka, I actually can't cry in front of her, because she has never seen me crying & so it would be kind of too new for me to show myself that vulnerable in front of her...but I'd like to be able to do it, & there were times when I felt like it but simply couldn't, had to keep up the appearances..even though she encouraged me to let it go..anyway So I think you're very brave raceka to be able to do so...
Perna, you seem to be speaking of transference as a past thing, so maybe you know what happens next? I'm so afraid that she's going to leave me, & I feel that this is not an adult kind of feeling but can't help feeling it/ her this way... I'm a bit embarrassed to say so but it's as if I wanted to be her child...& her only child... From what I've read in some of the threads, this can hurt so much, is it worth going on with therapy? Or maybe it's still time to stop...Can anything good come out of this whole transference stuff? Could anyone actually relate how going through transference could be helpful in any way?cause I'm really wondering...
Thanx for your advices..

I feel acceptance, warmness, and having faith in me.

I feel like I can be just me with him.
I feel like he believes in me and likes me
Sometimes i see that he is physically attracted to me
I feel safe and love

I see the childlike laughter he has in his eyes