[wisewoman]

I am in a position where I am questioning everything from the past 25 or 30 years. I am hurting about the loss of my friend but what if that relationship wasn't really real? What if I have never been unconditionally loved and cherrished by anyone except my own offspring? What if she really wasn't there? Why is her hubby being a boob? I want to speak with her so badly. I am not able to understand that she is dead. So, shouldn't I still be able to speak with her? It's just another form of being. I am lost and feel 17.

[SweetCrusader]

You are grieving. You are NOT experiencing psychosis.

I am so sorry for your pain

*hugs* if you want them

Angela

[wisewoman]

GRIEF SUCKS

[SweetCrusader]

I know it does ((((((ww)))))) I wish there was some way I could help you. I know how awful it is. The pain just doesn't go away.

[Myzen]

Hi wisewoman,

I agree with sweet crusader, you are reflective and hurting in your grief and this is not a psychotic symptom. The doubt about the reality of your relationship is a feature of the grieving, and a painful one. I've had a taste of that.

Wanting to be unconditionally loved is such a deep rooted need and we all have the need but we don't all get the love. Maybe we have the best chance with our offspring, but some of us don't even get it that way.

I have it with my daughter, but I couldn't say that I have ever had the feeling with a friend, although I used to want it all the time.

Sounds like you had a really deep relationship with your friend.

Good thoughts to you, Myzen.

[wisewoman]

I felt I did, thought I did, but am feeling confused now. I need to focus on what I believe to know the truth to be,

[(JD)]

Denial that one has died is one of the levels of grief you go through... and those levels are not "mutually exclusive" which means you can be in more than one level at a time.

The "expert" on Death and Dying is Kubler-Ross. She wrote a whole book on it, which stands as a hallmark of the grief process. Feel what you need to, and talk to a T about it if you can...

[Malady156]

WW, maybe her hubby is being a boob because he is grieving too.

Part of grieving includes the feeling that death is not really "real". You don't sound psychotic. You sound like a grieving heart. Your friend must have been very special to you. I am sorry for your loss.

[wisewoman]

thanks a lot Mal. i guess through all of the replies and support here since this happened weds night I have been able to process this whole thing and feel much more clear about what MY reality is. My reality is that my friend was so special and loved me and made a profound influence on my life. I only hope that I can touch one other's life that way and I will feel like my life was worth it. Tears here, I still don't understand she could be dead.

[(JD)]

(((ww)))) I think now you can hear what I wanted to first say to you: the very fact that you are asking about being psychotic shows that you are not. Even if a friend's death caused a "psychotic episode" your whole reality would be distorted, and again, that you were aware enough to realize something isn't right, shows this is not the case with you.

It does show that you do "know" she's gone... but are still trying to deny it. It's still part of the process...

I'm sorry for your loss.

[hopestheory]

i'm sorry for your loss and i agree i think you are just grieving which is very normal and healthy good luck and hugs!