[wisewoman]

I have tried to keep pretty confidential here. I have seen too many times that the world is a tiny place. However, I am going to take a leap of faith and tell a story that will explain part of my incredible stress right now. My spouse was charged with claiming a false residence to avoid paying tuition to a school outside of our district.
My son was assaulted, harrassed and bullied beyond belief at this school. We asked the school how they would protect our kids and they did not respond. So, our girls went to a different school and my spouse was charged with criminal offenses relating to this with a max of 35 years in prison. He did a plea and he has 5 years probation and has to pay back $16,000 in restitution. It is all very involved. Both girls have special needs and my son developed cancer less then a year after this whole horrible thing happened to him. A few months before the cancer was diagnosed our foster daughter died suddenly. It has been hell for over 5 years now. he has been cited for violation of his probation and has to go back to court because he is not paying the money fast enough. He is a year into his 5 year probation. Would we had the money to pay back, would we had the money to buy oil so we could keep warm. He lost his job due to this and now works for 1/2 the pay. He does however like his job.
Until my severe depression last spring I had considered taking a second job. I have all I can do to do one job. My husband works as much as he can. All he did was try to protect his kids. Our son is diagnosed with PTSD now, in part because of what happened to him at this horrid school. My daughters are incredible people and through our very limited school choice for 9th-12th grade have done very well in our school of choice. My senior is 4th in her class. The school where my son was abused did nothing to take responsibility and corrective action about what happened to him. He is a second year dean's list college student at this time. He works, is well respected and rents his own home. Why do I say all of this? it is hurting me. I got in my car today and my work cell went off and it was someone from another agency I work with asking if I were okay. I was confused and said yeah, why? She said there was an article in today's paper. The day went down hill from there. The article even had a bunch of false information in it. It hurts a lot. We are really good people who are loving and do what is kind and humane in the world. I am quickly becoming unable to deal with this again and it scares me. I need to deal because I need to work and pay the mortgage and the tuition and the insurance and the..... Kids deserve to be kept safe!!! It is so fundamental. 6 kids were charged with assault against my son. 30 kids surrounded him after pulling the fire alarm and getting everyone outside. They called him a fag Jew and a Jew bastard. They threatened his life.
We tried to sell our home so we could move to a better school district, but with no success. We have paid for all of our kids to go to private school from k-6th, and then our senior went to a private school for 8, 9, 10, but we really paid very little as we could not and the school was a blessed community of loving people who shared our ideals. I put together computers for their students and completed heroic tasks of cleaning. (long story) But I am in a lot of pain and this is why. I am in a lot of pain and worry about money. For crying out loud, my son went back to his home today and took a grocery bag of food and I was worried that he was taking things that we needed here to feed the girls. I pretty much stopped eating for the most part so I am an easy keeper. My son should always be able to raid mom's cabinets. It really isn't any fun to be on the wrong side of the law.
Hubby was in the Wall Street Journal and USA today about this nonsense. And if that ain't enough, he called his aging parents, (we are late 40's) and asked them for $300 to tide us over for 3 weeks until we are paid again and they told him he had to get a better job. DUHHHHHHH. Like we don't know that. I hate that he had to ask but THEY HAVE IT. it doesn't end for us i am afraid. I do try to see the positive. Heck, I watched my tiny little senior girl wrestle this afternoon and was so impressed, not just with her but the love and support from her entire team and coach. She's a tiny little thing but I guess i won't wrestle her anytime soon.
So this is another piece of my life and it hurts so much. I drive a car I paid $500.00 for, my house is kept freezing to save on fuel, and we dry our clothes by hanging throughout the house. I sell bunnies and crafts and anything else I can dream up. I am feeling pretty down, does it show?
In addition to all of this, hubby was scheduled for a fairly routine urology procedure and has been called back because of EKG changes. He has had 3 open heart surgeries in the past and has a metal heart valve. I am sure it is basic stuff but it does make me worry.
Hope I have not depressed everyone too much.

[SpazKatt]

oh you have not depressed me at all *hugs* it really is rough and you have much to worry about, just take it one day at a time and have faith that this too shall pass

[(JD)]

Wow ((((((WW))))))) that IS a lot to hold in! Though your post is long, I know there is much more to the stories. Sigh. That your children are thriving in spite of all this means you guys are doing "something" right!

Newspapers are notorious for getting stories wrong. You have the right to send a letter of correction, or at least of your side, and have it published. (I know that may seem impossible to do this too..) You have to choose which battles you will fight. I'm sorry there wasn't any legal advice to help you win against the horrible school. And I'm sorry relatives are acting just like... relatives!

Praying that you will be able to sell your home. I think that would help... but might also cause more dilemmas. Hang in there.

[Rapunzel]

Wow. Thanks for telling us your story. I'm so sorry that all this stuff is happening to you and your family. You deserve so much better. It has to improve from here, doesn't it? I'm really feeling this with you. I wish I knew what to say or how to make it better.

[lenjan]

Um, excuse me, Sky, but being a professional print journalist and all, I'd like to ask you not to generalize. "Gross generalizations are generally gross," as an old writing coach used to say. I have file folders full of praise from readers regarding my accuracy. Let's not paint all of us with the same brush, hmmmmm?

WW, sorry things are so tough. Sending positive vibes your way.

Candy

[(JD)]

Congrats candybear for being one of the few. But since you ARE in the business, you do know what I mean. That is probably why you receive so many letters for accuracy, for being different??? Don't assume I haven't had experience... and we're even, OK?

[wisewoman]

Hey guys, thanks for the support. i am rather emotionally fragile. Candy, this reporter did not check several facts and it had a bias. I am glad to know there are professional, ethical people like you out there. You know what I need to ask? Please don't have this be a thread of misunderstandings. My heart is out right here and can be easily squished. Yes, there are two sides to every story but our side is the one that is important to me right now. My blessing is that the kids are fairly well despite all. Rap, Spaz, thanks for the words as well. I am soaking them all in as I try to move on from here.

[Raynaadi]

Wise-I am so terribly sorry for everything you're going through. I'm glad you decided to reach out to us for support. I hope you absorb the kind words meant for you and overlook any others, so your fragile emotions won't suffer more damage. We're all here for you! Please don't bear the stress alone! (((((wisewoman))))

[hopestheory]

i'm really sorry that you are going through all of that and it seems like you are battleing pretty much alone. prayers and positive thoughts are coming your way from me. i hope things clear up soon and let us know how your doing. also take a leap of faith more often and rant on us thats what we are all here for.
good luck
-hope!

[mj14]

ww, I am so sorry for everything you have been through. In the short time I've known you, I've learned that you are a person who would do absolutely anything to help someone else out. You don't deserve to suffer so for simply trying to protect your children.

{{{{{{{{{{{{wisewoman}}}}}}}}}}}}

Jo

[wisewoman]

oh mj, that means a lot to me, it really does. My hubby got a really nice card from a friend today about the newspaper article. There is hope I suppose. Thanks a lot sweetie.

[silver_queen]

Wise, I'm sorry you are going through this right now. I don't have anything to say but I am letting you know that I have read your post and I'm thinking of you.



~ Silver.

[kimmydawn]

((((((((((((((((((((((((((((ww))))))))))))))))))))))))))))

I'm so sorry I didn't see your post before now. I couldn't get thru it without eyes leaking. It's not fair. I don't know why such unfair things happen to good people. It's something I'll never understand.

What a testament you and your family are! I'm so proud and sending wishes full of strength and healing to all of you!

One question, have you seen atty (pro-bono) about the possibility of suing the school system in which this all began? Possibly there you might be able to recoup some financial losses and right some wrongs? this should never happen to another child or family...anywhere...but it might be a place to start in your community?

i don't advocate frivolous lawsuits. this would not be! i so want justice for your family! what can i do?? who can i write??? i'm angry!!! this sort of thing needs to stop. our children are not being protected and then when a parent does what they need to to protect them, they're prosecuted? wrong answer...

if you can think of anyone that i can write or respond to, ww, please let me know.

safe and loving thoughts,

kd

[Mahali]

Wisewoman,
I want to send my thoughts and prayers to you also. What a difficult time you are going through. I hope being able to finally discuss it will help you to get through this time.
Your children appear to be survivors...I have heard this is genetic...you get it from your mom : ) I wish there was more I could say or do that would help.
Please take care.

place

[wisewoman]

Thanks, Place and Kim and Silver. Your thoughts meana great deal to me. There is no suit pssible, that in itself is a long story. We have looked into it and the only way it would work is as a class action and that is hard to get people to speak up about this issue. The name calling and harassment happened under the adults eyes. It is a culture of accepting this behavior as the norm. A lot of improvements have been made since this happened. A boy killed himself, in part because of severe bullying and he begged his dad not to make it worse by talking with the school. He was 13 or 14. Dad has used his son's death as a stepping off place to do well. He has helped to create a lot of awareness of this issue.
Kimmy, the state that I live in actually re-wrote a law so that the state department of Ed could take back the money they had given the school where my daughters went(so called false residency) Thus leaving that town down on funding with no one but hubby to make it up. My state could have chosen to leave that money where it was, in that school and everything would have been okay. They didn't because they wanted to make an example of this. School choice is seriously opposed here. I just want what is best for my kids. It is a broad, serious issue. It has had profound personal implications on our lives. The bottom line is my kids are safe. That would not have been possible in the school they were supposed to go to. We have a good school with lots of love and caring. The adults are ethical and the kids have a sense of values. This we get because our state has limited school choice for 9-12. Alas, it is a serious horrid situation to be in. I hate that my spouse can never work again as a public school teacher with a master's degree in this state as he has been black balled. I hate that the adult bullies who put us through such torment when this thing happened to our son get to still feel we are being hurt, and we are. It is so large of an issue. Anyway, thanks for your support.

[wisewoman]

I am feeling very needy and afraid. Also aware of the unsafe places here at this site. I keep wanting to be held by a strong loving mother figure, not THE Mother of course but someone to hold me and help me feel safe. Scared

[SpazKatt]

*hugs*

[silver_queen]

((((((((((((Wise)))))))))))) I'm sorry about your hurt. I hope you feel better soon .

[wisewoman]

Thanks folks, some better today. I am going to try to take some time off from work this week.

[SweetCrusader]

((((((((WW))))))))

I have been away and just barely read your post. My goodness I am so sorry for your pain.

I think you and your husband were more than justified in protecting your children the only way you could. My heart is so heavy for you.

*huge hugs* I wish that I could do more.

Love,
Angela

[SS8282]

((((((((((ww))))))))))))))))) you're whole family has been through hell and back. The love you have for each other kept the family together - kudos for each and every one of your family members. From what I've heard and from our conversations, you are nothing but a wonderful family who deserves to be happy and safe.

Is your husband barred from teaching at all?

Hang in there. (((((((((((((((((((ww))))))))))))))))))))))))

[wisewoman]

Thanks snow and sky and ss, No my husband is not barred from teaching. This is a small state and everyone knows all. Thanks for your support.

[misty]

((((((((((((((((wisewoman))))))))))))))))))) You may not know me real well but a mother I am 5'9" 210lbs strong yet comforting knowing your pain but all I can do is hold you until you can stand. You have been through much and I do not know when it will all turn around for you, but it will. Until then I am here if for nothing else to be that mom who is not intruding or controlling just comforting.
MaLyn

[sqrlb8]

Hey ww, I'm sorry too. I'm not real good at the touchy feely sentiments, but they are there. I'm always trying to tune into irony it seems, and my irony radar is beeping away on the fact that the news media has elevated your struggle into the public arena so to speak. I'll keep this short, as I know it's kind of a long shot, but:

What about embracing this (like an Aikido move) and spinning it back? What I mean is that you could invite the media to hear more, but this time from you. With a combination of press releases from you, interviews etc, you may well be able to turn this in your favor. I don't know anyone who wouldn't side with you and your husband in the matter of protecting you children over beaurocratic insensitivities. Your story is very powerful. Most people in their gut would know you did the right thing and that they would have done the same or similar. Since the thing is out there now in public, via the press, you may discover an advantage in the involvement of many minds and hearts vs the exclusive attention of the courts and dumb officialdom.

Hang in ww. YOU DID NOTHING WRONG.

[wisewoman]

Thanks for the mothering skylrks, means a lot. Ahh, I am a good 6 inches shorter then you are. You must be a tower. I truly need to know that I am held in people's hearts but that is a post I plan on making in the abuse forum.

sqrlb8, interestingly enough, we had a local tv station that was very supportive and did accurate coverage. We had a whole town of people supporting my spouse. We have heard nothing negative from people we know, they all say they are sorry and it stinks. The T.V. stuff proved to fan the flame and any newspaper publicity was retorted by bullying statements from a local superintendent and his chronies. It seems we threatened the way things are supposed to be by daring to protect our kids and being outspokedn about it. I want to fly under the radar now. What amazes me is from all the people we know who have educated their children privately, who have money, who have let us go before them and help establish these schools and programs, they give no financial support or speak publiclly. Doesn't seem too much to ask but that has been the way it is. People seem selfish. In their own little world it seems. People who have professed love for our kids and can't stand up and speak or throw a little money at the legal defense. People who work in the same system where our kid was abused and then let US set up programs for them to send their kid so he won't be bullied. No, don't get me wrong, love the kid and he deserves protecting but what's wrong with this picture? I feel battered and abused. I tried to stick up for what was right. My husband still has big issues with the principal of the thing. I guess what was good was the Wall Street Journal made it a little wider known. A few programs contacted us about doing a story but no one ever carried through. It is a national disaster and we are lead like lambs to the slaughter. Our kids are bullied, beaten, harrassed and tormented daily in our schools and we are supposed to sit back and accept it? No, I do not accept it and I suppose we have paid the price. Our girls are in a great school now and they are loved and protected. Our son is starting to speak with his doc about how this impacted on him. It's just money, and anxiety. Thirty five years in jail for this? Hmmm. Sorry to vent on you, I agree fundamentally with you but I am beaten and down and all I want to do is live safely below the radar.