I feel lonely

I thought I posted this yesterday, but I guess not.

As long as I am busy, I am pretty good. But in the evenings, when I am alone, without a TV, my air mattress on the floor, I start to feel pretty down. My laptop is in the shop for another day or so, and I can't get into chat bec. this computer is obsolete and won't run the new java.

wah wah wah

I am a big baby.

we are here Fly

You're not a big baby... being lonely really sucks, and it's a totally legit reason to feel down... at least I hope so, b/c that's exactly the way I feel right now, too. Nights are the worst... agreed. I know this post prolly doesn't do anything for you... but I thought I'd post anyway.

(((((((hugs))))))))) So sorry you are feeling alone

Sorry you're feeling down and alone ... ((((((((((((((((((Hugs))))))))))))))))))

oh you are so not! *hugs* I know that feeling so well!

Thanks for the hugs and fast replies, Angie, Kayleigh, Crusader and Fuzzy. It means a lot to me to be part of the universe of such wonderful people.

((((((((((((((fly)))))))))))))) sorry you are feeling down

You're not a baby, fly. I said I was lonely yesterday and look at the replies I got. The hugs definitely made me feel better and I believe YOU even sent me some hugs.
So, I couldn't let your post go by without sending some right back to you ((((((FLy)))))))

take care of you
Tina

Nerak, I think not feeling able to take time for me is part of the reason that I feel down. I hadn't realized it, until you called my attention to it.

I moved into an apartment 2 weeks ago Friday, and discovered the previous owner left it very dirty. Probably the dirtiest place I've ever moved into.

Tobacco stains have to be washed off the walls, painting from the ceilings to the closets, filthy carpeting torn out. And replaced with I don't know what. I'm not working except teaching one class, and money is dwindling. My mother is paying many of my bills. I'm actually considering laying a paper floor on top of the cement and pokyurethaning it. Sounds awful, I know, but it can look like stone. If you're Martha Stewart. I'm not.

Plus, the painter keeps jacking me around. I tried to tell him that the walls needed to be washed and will need 2 coats of paint, but he got here last night and said he never promised 2 coats of paint. And it wasn't in writing.

He said the walls didn't need to be washed. So I traded washing the walls for the second coat of paint, plus a price increase. Then he got here tonight and by gosh, by golly, agreed that the walls need to be washed or the nicotine stains will show through.

So I started washing walls. Which is very hard on my interconnective tissue disorder.

And for fun, I hang out on an air mattress on the floor, with my computer.

Meanwhile, I feel as if my life is on hold, It's hard to plan my lessons, no less send out job apps. I have no pots or pans for cooking: I borrowed a knife, fork, spoon, small plate, and bowl from my friend next door. I feel like I'm in Angola prison.

Of course, this is quite my fault for not speaking up about my needs. When my friend learned I had nothing to cook on she gave me the key to her apartment and told me to come in any time. I've stayed with her on and off since Nov. and took care of her cat while she was gone a week -- but when she asked for the key when she returned, I didn't speak up!

Asking for help is hard, isn't it?

Thanks for letting me vent. I needed that.

Time for me -- maybe someday.

((((((Fly))))) I am sorry you are feeling so alone but in reading the posts here it does sound like a lot of people care about you.

Asking for help is the hardest, I agree but we all need to at times.

Please schedule time for you, ASAP. If nothing more than a hot bath and a good book.

Wish I could do more to help. Take care, FLY.

Kim

Hi Friends -- I woke up this morning and realized that I do quite a bit for myself.

SeptemberMorn, in her communication post, shared communication strategies her T shared with her. One T helped me to reframe activities as things I do for me and can enjoy, rather that responsibilities I have to handle. The activity in question was lap swimming -- something I've been advised not to do anymore but may give a try again soon now that I have both indoor and outdoor pools at my disposal in this community. I could see it as an unplesant task, or I could take delight in stretching out in the water and the endorphin surge later.

I pray every morning. God doesn't need my praying, that's for sure. This is strictly for me, and the day rarely feels quite right if I skip it. It is nourishing to sit in the silence, or chant sometimes, and honor the divine and the beauty and the love in live.

I pray most every night, also. These are not five-minute get-up-and-goes. Morning is 20-40 minutes, and evening, 15-60. This definitely is time for me and my soul.

I write in my journal most every morning. I've been skipping that, because of being busy and the poor sceen resolution on my back-up monitor. But the suggestions to take time for myself made me take time to do that this morning.

I also find immense joy in being part of the forum's communities. I don't even mind the squabbling. We are a like a family-of-choice for each other here, and sometimes families have disagreements. I am posting something else about this on a new thread: Thoughts About Our Community.

So it's all in my attitude -- whether I chose to frame what I do as routine tasks or joyful activities.

A new member wrote elsewhere that we are probably just being nice to each other out of some kind of self interest. I don't think that is true at all.

Except in this sense: I want to belong to a community where people are kind, compassionate, supportive, thoughtful, and loving to each other. I have found that here, at Psych Central (as well as in my current 3D community of faith). To have that kind of community, my part is to strive to cultivate those qualities in myself by how I behave here. But I don't do it so that other people will "think I'm nice" or for some outward, pandering reason. As Jack Nicholson said in As Good As It Gets to the waitress (Helen Hunt) he fell in love with, who was an authentically good and kind person, "When I'm with you, I want to be a better man."

When I am among the people at Psych Central, I want to be a better person.

{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{Fly}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}} I'm sorry, Hun!

Hey, but painting the floor is a great idea! I'm getting ready to do that because I tore up the stinky old carpet when we got water damage back in Oct. The tile in the kitchen is coming up and flaking. YUK! I'm going to paint it a light wood brown and then apply a darker glaze over it. Then you take this roller hind of thing, rock it back and forth on the glaze and it creates wood like looking grain! Did you understand that? Anywho! I've seen it done on HGTV. Painting cement floors, too!

What's wrong with that painter you got? Doesn't he know you wash walls, paint Kilz on them and THEN paint?? HE'S supposed to do it, not YOU! Are you using a sponge mop and TSP? It's easier that way.

Taking time for yourself is very important - I can give great advice but I rarely take any for myself. It seems I give and give to others - to my work, to my husband, my friends and I need my own space and time. Now I get up 30 minutes early every mornikng (at 4:30) just so I can have 15 minutes to meditate here alone (hopefully my husband does not also get up) and then an additional 15 minutes at work before anyone else comes in. That's not much time but it is better than none. Our souls need ourselves - we need to be present with ourselves and to love ourselves as we provide love to others (it is good advice, but, again, I have not yet learned how to love myself). Hugs to you _Fly - I hope you are feeling better.

Thanks to hugs and my thoughtful supportive friends here.

I am using TSP -- and yes, my understanding was that washing the walls was part of the deal but apparently oral communication doesn't count -- only what he put on the paper and if it wasn't there, doesn't count. I would try to get someone else -- except it's the "season" here when all the snowbirds clamor for services and prices go sky high. I never get any stuff like this done til July -- but if you saw and smelled this place, you'd understand why it can't wait 5 months.

hmm, floor painting is fun. keep the tsp off your hands though, ouch. i wish I could come help. I want to hear more about Sept's idea, sounds cool. Me, I am taking a week to do a felting workshop in Feb and the other 1/2 of the days my friend and I are going to tile the upstairs hall and son'd room with peel and stick. They have always been painted but it wears so easily? I hope you are feeling less lonely.

I wish you could help, too, Wisewoman. I am completely unskilled in crafts.

My project is not painting the floor, but putting down brown contractor's paper with wallpaper paste. One scrunches it, and it mottles, and starts to look like flagstone. One can heighten the effect by painting or rubbing on colored glazes. Then several poly coatings.

It is a very dark floor. I got a PM from a decorating discussion group that suggested rice paper -- which is the only unflammable paper, so far as I know. I'm experimenting in the closets. I'm going to see how much the rice paper costs and how it looks.

I think flooring is too expensive. I mean -- all we do is walk on it, for goodness sakes.

I've also been reading how a lot of laminate floors release formadelyde gas. Some research claims that environmental pollutants trigger auto immune diseases in the category with mine. So I've become more aware of things that may pollute my environment. Poly coating isn't entirely pure of course, not like wool carpet, or wood flooring. But it doesn't seem to have as bad a record as laminate.

What is a felting workshop? What is felting? I believe that you spin and weave, and make many beautiful things, do you not?

fly, so glad you're feeling better. asking for help is soooooooo hard for us. i am there with you. if i lived nearby, i'd bake my infamous sour cream cookies and bring them over and we'd wash your walls together and then get that painter man rocking!!! being lonely is the pits and i isolate myself pretty well...which really makes sense, right? i'm glad you've got a project going now. it always helps me. i've been building up to making some jewelry. AND i did design and make a sterling silver pendant for my "significant" other recently. it is a bear for protection while he's overseas. other than that i'm empty but hopefully the residual feel good from that will carry me into another piece.......you've got tons of friends here, fly, hang in~~ love, pat

Hi Fayerody -- Jewelry making sounds fun. I love things that sparkle and glitter.

I am so annoyed. I spent two evenings washing the walls -- really knocked myself out. Then the painter got here and said the walls were still too greasy with nicotine -- so I wasn't able to save the money anyway.

My hip hurts like heck. I've pretty much decided that papering the floors is too much for a first time project. I may try sprucing the vertical blinds with an application of rice paper. I don't where I am to get the $$$ for real flooring. But this carpet is so dirty --I keep hoping it will just crawl off on its own.

Yuk.

But I'm okay. I love my Forums family so much.

Hmmm....it may not be as nice as rice paper, but why not just rip the carpet up and paint the floor? Poly it a few times and get some rugs.

I don't remember, have you checked into peel and stick flooring? Like the stuff they have on trading spaces?

I don't know if it will help with the nicotine smell, but why not cover the walls with fabric? Or did you already get it painted?

I like the suggestions for painting the floor. It was my first choice. However, it would have to be "etched"with muriatic acid first. Given my general sloppiness around liquids, I'd be afraid of hurting myself. So I'd have to hire someone.

Also, painting the floor means no one after me can ever install tile without sanding the floor, which requires a diamond sanding process that is very dustry.

Lastly, I live in a third-floor condo. If I use paper, I will have to apply cork (just found this out yesterday) so people downstairs don't get too much noise. And the paper over that. And the cork would be easier to remove so the porous cement would be back if anyone wanted to apply tile. They would, however, have to put a new layer of cork down.

However, if I had money and wanted to lay down a floating wood floor later, the cork would be the appropriate base coat, and the paper/poly would not be a problem.

Maybe I should go live in a tent. I am more and more concerned about all these chemicals in the environment. I've read that they are implicated in autoimmune diseases like mine. But even floorings that are considered "natural" and renewable resources, such as cork and bamboo, usually have a certain amount of formaldehyde used in the processing -- although considered way lower than even strict European standards.

But why should we have ANY formaldehyde in our flooring? Which is why I guess the only way to escape it is to live in a tent with a dirt floor. And that probably has PCBs or something else in the dirt.

WantsToFly: I love it that you are back to your cute penguins and your whole name!

OLEFIN BERBER: My brand new, wonderful landlords gave me a new carpet, with no pad. It's so tough that it doesn't even need a pad. It will take any kind of wear. You simply will never have to replace it. Just rip out the old carpet & pad --- and staple the new carpet down with a staple gun. You can use the leftover carpet pieces elsewhere in the house, simply stapling them down. It doesn't really show where they meet.

The carpet is extremely inexpensive, and a tough weave that will take any kind of wear. Try to price it at building supply places. You might be surprised how affordable it is. It works beautifully, a sort of tweed that won't show stains.

Caution! You have to be careful about how you treat it. Don't wet it ever. No wet rug shampooing. The slightest bit of water on it, and it will travel everywhere on the rug. Vacuuming is the trick. And for stains, immediately use paper towels with a heavy container over them --- to soak up the moisture of the stain. Continue this until absolutely dry. Then use a light spray of vinegar, blotting. Rub only if blotting does not succeed. This technique is to be followed for pet stains, as well as other types of stains.

You do not get the fluffy, soft feel of nylon carpeting. However, I consider the wearability and economy a wonderful tradeoff.

PAINTING THE FLOOR: I have painted floors before without etching them. I just first apply flat the same color as the final coat will be. Then I apply the final coat or two coats, depending on how compulsive one is. And then the varnish, of course. No sweat. This is no doubt the most economical solution. But then you will need area rugs also. So factor the paint & the rugs in. And the waiting while the various coats dry. LOL

Adieu