Why Do some have attitudes about disability?

I am on disability for Epilepsy.Plus i have depression etc.At times people i hardly know get nosey and ask me if i am not working.How do i pay my bills and rent.If i tell them i am on disability.People give me a hard time.They call me lazy.Tell me i do not look disabled etc.Plus i do not drive.So some give me a hard time about that.I have started to not be as social because of this and other reasons.I have had jobs in the past.But have not worked the past 4 years.Yes i'd like a part time job.But because of lots of reasons.I can not work right now.I have had part time jobs in the past.Last job i had i got fired from.Because i lost my cool at work.But i was being treated really bad and managment did nothing about it.I miss having some extra money and being around people.I get easily bored.Another thing is why do people at times call me lazy because my apartment looks a little lived in.I am not a neat freak.But i do my share of house work.It's my life and i wish people would stay out of it.The reason this is bugging me again.Is because the heat was not working.So my land lord had a heating and cooling guy come here and he started getting really nosey about my life.I felt like saying to the guy just fix the heater and get the hell out.He gave me a hard time because my kitchen table had stuff on it like mail and i had one dirty dish in the sink.My family gives me a hard time to.But ever since i was a kid.They have given me a hard time.

((((((((((( UCLAFan )))))))))))))

There is no accounting for the lack of respect people have when it comes to asking questions they have no right to ask. I think some of it comes from being curious....as humans we are a curious bunch. But there is a clear difference from being curious and being judgemental and in many cases ignorant to many things.

I think one comment from you to them when they start asking questions would get them to stop and that would be, when you are asked a question that the answer is truly none of their business...ask them "And why do you need to know?". Some will come back and say they were just curious, others will start fumbling around because they know they are being nosy and judgemental and you just called them on it in a very reasonable way You can ask that question very nicely, without any negative tone in your voice. It will more often than not, will stop folks right in their tracks and they will not question you further. If they are inconsiderate enough to continue asking, all you have to say is "The answers to that question are on a need to know basis, and you don't need to know". Again, saying it nicely without a negative tone and then just walk away. Simple as that. People will get the hint

I'm sorry you are feeling like you are being judged and picked on. And I do know that sometimes people truly do care about us and question why we do things differently than they do. If it's ever a matter of doing things differently you can always inform them that there is always more than one good way to do something and that this works for you (then smile LOL)


sabby

I get mad easily and i wanted to cuss at him.So i just told him a bit of my situation.Just so he would shut up.I know that might not make any sense to u.I do not handle nosey people well.I have nosey family memebers to and i get mad easily.I at times want to know more about some people.But i myself do not like to be rude and nosey.

People fail to realize the invisible disabilities. If a person isn't blind or in a wheel chair, they jump to the conclusion that a person can work. I would love to be working part time. I know I could do something. But, physically and mentally, I could never work a normal work week. And with disability it seems it's all or nothing.

Sorry you have the problem with the landlord. That is one of the problems in renting. They snoop into your affairs.

Why Do some have attitudes about disability?

Because they obviously have not recognised their own...

I'm so sorry these folks have found their way into your path UCLAF...many of us simply have not recognised how fragile our lives and the styles we live them are...

Pray that their lessen in this is one they can recover from...

Lenny

(((((((((UCLAfan )))))))))))))))))))

I am sorry that you have been treated badly, I have also experienced this kind of attitude. Sometimes I approach it the way Sabby suggested, which was a good suggestion, other times I just get quiet or try to explain my situation, then later I cry about it because I am so angry ,so sorry I dont have any suggestions on how to handle this kind of thing. I just wanted to let you know that you are not alone and offer you some hugs.

hon I think anyone on disability feel that way. I have my own family tell me to get off my butt. I wish to heck I could! it is really hard on younger people that are disabled. I am on a walker when I go out where I have to walk any distance at all and although I am 51 people still look at me like I am an alien or something. I won't allow that to stop me from leaving my house. I stay in enough as it is. go out and hold your head up high hon!

Tell them you don't have to work because you were left a great inheritance from your neighbor's cousin's aunt that used to clean houses for Elvis and you were her favorite neighbor of her favorite cousin so she left all the money to you. Or anything else as outrageous as you can think of. You're on leave from the Royal Canadian Mounties and they sent you (where ever you live) to heal from an injury that happened while apprehending someone who asked too many questions that were none of their business!

I do know how you feel. I am 40 and have leg braces for Muscular Dystrophy and when I don't wear them and have been walking for a while, I list. If I choose to use a motorized scooter people look at me one of two ways: Either why on Earth am I using it because there is obviously nothing wrong with me, or they look at me like I'm dying and they feel so much pity for me. Grr.

Yep, I completely understand feeling angry.....and anger is hard to control for sure. (((( UCLA ))))) It makes a lot of sense to me hon....a lot of sense.

In creating relationships there is always give and take of information about ourselves. But strangers asking because they are rude is not one of those relationships in which they deserve to know anything at all.

In suggesting to you that you ask a rude person "Why do you need to know?" I was giving you a way to take back control of the situation. Very often when we are in control, we feel less anger and we have a lot more confidence in ourselves We have so little control in our daily lives at times, it sure does feel good when we can control something


sabby

Thanks for understanding.At times i just want to crawl under a rock and die.FerretGuy you are right people do not see disability unless it is totally visable.Some people in my family think depression is an excuse to be lazy.But they do not live with me or now how my mind works.They do not know how bad i feel.They do not know before i got help.For years i had trouble sleeping.Before i got help I'd get like 2 hours a sleep at night.That was not good for my health etc.Even had more seziures because of the lack of sleep.I get out as much as i can.But during the winter.I only get out once a week or so.I have one hobby i love.Which is baseball.So that keeps me busy and happy during spring and summer.Do not play baseball.Just a huge fan of it.I am still having issues with depression.But now i always get a good night sleep.I just wish the depression and Epilepsy would go away.When i get upset.I can stay upset at times for days.Then think negative for days.Plus i let people upset me to easily.I just feel unloved and unaccepted etc.