[SS8282]

Is what I am. Invisible. Empty. A figment of the imagination that's dismissed as such.

[LMo]

bah! of course not!

I would tend to disagree ((((((((((ss)))))))))). I have thought about you often after we first chatted. I know I haven't been very supportive lately and I'm sorry for that. I have been fighting some on my own demons lately. But you are in my thoughts and prayers.

ryan

[SweetCrusader]

(((((((((((((((SS)))))))))))))))

[wisewoman]

Hey Sweetie, I have been thinking about you often and not posting or chatting much. Doesn't mean I am not thinking of you.

[silver_queen]

I've been thinking of you a lot too!

((((((((((SS))))))))))

[Fuzzybear]

((((((((((((((((((((SS))))))))))))))))))))
Hope you feel better soon, you are in my thoughts.... I am not posting much at the moment

Remember, as Pat (Fayerody) said we are all nuts here...... and sometimes get caught up in our own stuff.....

((((((((((((((((((((SS))))))))))))))))))))

AND remember this: we all star in our own movies!!! some of us produce and direct and star!! so when you don't hear from us, it might mean that we're editing........xoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxo pat

[vacantangel]

((((((((((((((((SS)))))))))))))

[nothemama8]

{*{*{*{*SS*}*}*}*}

[SS8282]

Thanks (((((((((((((everyone)))))))))))))))). Sorry for whining so much. Lots of things have been happening and I don't know how to handle them all.

My mental illnesses are 'showing' more and more often, and that makes things even worse. I try to hide them but they 'leak' out. In fact, the first thing my boss said to me when I got into the office one day last week was why i looked sad. I didnt' even know I was looking like that.

Guess I should stop whining and blabbing. Sorry. Thanks for reading, and for your caring hugs/words. You all do warm me up inside.

[vacantangel]

There's absolutely no reason whatsoever for you to hide what's going on in your life and that you are not coping well from us here. This is the right place to come to for support and understanding. It's not whining or babbling at all. Please keep posting and let us know how you're doing. Everybody here cares for you. ((((((ss8282)))))))))

[SS8282]

AG, I meant hiding my 'problems' from people at work. I don't really know how acceptive they are. If I say I have anxiety, or depression, well maybe that's not too bad, but if I tell them I'm BPD, then that's a whole other story. Unfortunately, the symptoms of BPD are what I've been exhibiting most often, and I CAN'T keep on letting that happen!

Thanks for your kind words.

[SweetSunshine]

((((((((SS))))))))))) Your to sweet to dismiss or not recognize or any of that malarky. I love ya Hon, And I care too. I may not always be there or be the best support but I do care and I do think of you . Hang in there Sweetie~

Hugz~
Bethy

[nothemama8]

SS your never out of mind here, ((((Hugs)))))
Angie

[SS8282]

(((((((((tryin)))))))) thanks so much. *sniff* Love you too.

I'm so stressed. Its not funny. So mad too. Called my shrink and didnt do much good. My mind is spinning. doesnt stop long enough to say whats happening.

[SS8282]

(((((((((mama)))))))))) thank you. speaking of out of mind. wish i can get out of my mind. driving me nuts. so mad. wanna explode.

[GreyGoose]

</font><blockquote><div id="quote"><font class="small">Quote:</font>
Is what I am. Invisible. Empty. A figment of the imagination that's dismissed as such.

</div></font></blockquote><font class="post">

If you mean that people seem to ignore (or ostracize) you, I know the feeling because that's what I go through all the time. Your standing in a crowd hoping against all that someone will come over and strike up a conversation with you but after over an hour, it never happens and you begin to feel like the proverbial "potted plant" and eventually leave. You know when your "not wanted".

After this happens a few times, it really begins to grate on your self esteem and makes you feel like "less" of a person but in a society that can so often be very cruel and judgemental, it's often easy to feel invisible.

[SS8282]

You are SO right! Sometimes I think I'm better off being a plant, actually some object that doesnt need to be taken care of. Maybe a stone.

[wisewoman]

Hey Honey, still thinking about you. I am so tired I can't stay awake and that was scarey driving. Locked my keys in my car. Missed a meeting to do financial aid for my kids' college. I understand overwhelmed. There is a lamb named stew pot running around my house. I am not responsible, daughter and spouse did it. Hope things improve for you soon my friend. Know what you mean about running in circles and can't stop to put it together.

[TheCheshireCat]

Hullo,
First, thanks so much for the kind and supportive PMs recently. They mean a lot more than you probably realize. I'm going through a depressive cycle myself right now, and can't seem to clear it. All I do is go to work and come home and sleep. And sleep. And try to sleep some more even though I'm slept out.

I understand all too well how difficult it is to maintain the "mask" at work. Last spring, mine began to come apart almost continuously, and bp behaviors more and more consistently ran out of control. My boss finally told be to take a day off, that I was proving to be a source of upset in the office. I took the day off, convinced myself that I was about to be fired, and slit my left wrist. As I started to black out, I dialed 911 and managed to get the EMS people and cops to my apartment just in time. I emphatically DON'T recommend that you let things get so bad that your thinking gets as distorted as mine did. After spending some time in the psych lock-up ward under watch, I was released. And to tell you the truth, I think the hospitalization saved my life (beyond just the fact that the surgeons sewed three of my veins back together). It proved to be not at all like "One Flew Over the Cuckoo's Nest" or "Girl Interrupted," and instead was 24/7 source of comfort, support, and learning.

I hope you're not thinking of hurting yourself in any way, but if the thought even breezes through your mind momentarily, get to the nearest ER as quickly as possible and let them know. I waited too long, trying to tough it out, and that proved to be the biggest -- and almost the last -- mistake of my life.

I agree that the abyss is a terrible place to be. I'm slipping into it now. My last poem on Creative was about the onset of a depressive cycle. Please feel free to PM me anytime, but if things really do get too dark for you to handle, don't try to go it alone, and don't rely on a cyber message board.

I eventually found the strength after the hospitalization to explain everything to my boss (obviously, not all bosses are the kind of people amenable to this, so use your best judgment). This had the dual effect of making my sometimes erratic behavior comprehensible to her and also put me under the protection of the federal American with Disabilities Act, which legally prohibits discrimination against people with mental illnesses.

In any case, I'm in your corner to offer what help and advice I can. Just please don't repeat my error and let things go too far if you feel like you're coming apart. I know that feeling precisely. I'm experiencing it even as I write this. Take care. Cheshire Cat

[SS8282]

Thanks (((((((((((ww))))))))))))) for your love. I left my keys in the car once too. How embarrassing. Hope all is ok now. Hugs.

[SS8282]

((((((((((((((((((((((((((Cat)))))))))))))))))))))))))))) thank you for sharing. You must care a lot to reveal all that, and brave. You can really make a girl cry, and this is a good cry. I can get so emotional....

There have been times when I wanted to hurt myself, including today. It was mostly because of anger (of lots of things), and I wanted to use my exacto knife. I didn't though because of the people in the office.

I once told my boss at a company I used to work for, and she made my life hell - to the point that I had to get a lawyer. It went that far because my boss then was the Director of Human Resources, and the only people higher then her was the CEO and COO. I did write a letter to CEO and COO, but they didnt do anything.

Until I know how my current boss will react, I must keep it all inside - my mental illnesses. Unfortunately, I can't keep the symptoms from showing anymore. I'm going to really 'lose it'. I'm gonna get fired. Just a matter of time.

[h0kie]

Isn't it illegal to fire someone because of health reasons? I know if they really want to, they will find a way around it. But still.

((((((((((SS))))))))))) Thinking of you.

[SS8282]

Boss doesn't know about my problems. Anyway, that won't stop anyone from firing someone. If he wants to, he'll find a way, a 'reason' which will be acceptable.