[Lady Lindsey]

Hello,
I originally posted a similar thread in the dissociative forum, as I was unaware of this forum

I am seriously considering voluntarily admitting m ysel to the hospital. This is my worst fear. My T has been wonderful, she understands going to the hospital is my worst fear, as my Mother has been in and out of them.

She knows I have a plan, and we have discussed me going to the hospital. We have also discussed early on that i felt it would destroy me to be involuntarily committed. I promised her 2 Weeks, where I would not do anything. The two weeks end on the 8th.....

My DX is D.I.D, normally I have a part of myself that sole purpose is to keep me alive. However that safety net I have built I to my system, will not work this time. Part if me told on myself.. (no wonder I think I am crazy).
This is the Mud before the lotus, that I am in right now, but I see no way out of the mud....

Can anyone tell me about their experiences, is it good or bad? I believe you have more rights if you voluntarily commit than if you are committed.

I am terrified to go, but at the same time if I don't go voluntarily, I may end up being committed.

My other choice is after the 8th, I promised I would continue to see her until then..... I tell her all is well, not see her any longer and complete my plan..

Just asking, what is your experience, was it better or worse afterwards? This frightens me....more than death...

[BeyondtheRainbow]

I've been admitted 5 times, all voluntary. I've had good experiences. I was TERRIFIED before I ever went and did anything I had to do to avoid it. But eventually I had to be hospitalized for a med change and while I cried the first several hours I was there it was actually relief to be somewhere safe. Every time I've been admitted I've felt the same wave of safety as soon as I get to my room. At this point I know that I probably will be admitted again at some point and I'm fine with that. I know that in the hospital I feel safe and it helps so much to know that someone else is responsible for everything, I just have to go to groups, talk to the doctor and rest. The hospital has become a safe place for me.

I think it sounds like you need to be admitted. It is always better to do so voluntarily and if you do it now you save yourself a week of suffering.

If you have an specific questions please feel free to ask them.

[Lady Lindsey]

What is it like to be admitted, is my therapist allowed to go with me she said there something like CAP or CAD that takes quite sometime to get through and s lot if waiting.

Is it frightening to have a roommate you do not know or trust?

If you voluntarily commit can the keep you there if you are determined a harm to yourself, or can you leave earlier, the Doctor tho la you should stay?

[BeyondtheRainbow]

I have always been alone when admitted but I think someone can go through the process with you. I don't know why not. Once you are on the floor where I go they do a lot of paperwork and stuff and probably want to do that 1:1 but the waiting part should be fine with someone else.

I don't like having roommates because I'm used to living alone. But all of mine have been fine. One of them told me that when she was admitted late at night when I was sleeping she kept wondering about how scary the person on the other side of the curtain was and that she was relieved when I wasn't the boogie monster. I go to a mood disorder unit so everyone there has depression or bipolar. Usually I'm the only one with bipolar. Most people understand and are respectful of their neighbors' needs. Sometimes you can get lucky and be alone, either a rare private room or just no roommate. That's the best. I usually take a few things to help me feel more at home in my room: a fuzzy blanket (the hospital is usually cold), a few books, some puzzles, a deck of cards. I know i have access to a microwave so last time i even took my own tea bags because theirs are gross.

When I have gone in voluntarily I've had to sign something saying that if I want to sign myself out that they can keep me 3 days for evaluation. However I have seen many people choose to leave before 3 days and nobody has ever been kept. That includes one roommate I had for only 12 hours or so.

[Kiya]

Or, you continue to see her and set your plan off a while. It can always be readdressed.
I am DID and currently am inpatient. It's not the worst. I've had worse. My littles are currently hiding from the b.p. Machine and lady. There's been a lot of hide and seek today.
If you need it, you need it. End of story. If it will save your life, you do it.
I climbed a Sui fence (ok an alter did). It's serious. You do what you have to do. Better voluntary than non.
A hold still might get put on you but I've found those come off quickly once they see I am of sound mind.
Thinking of you from the 5th floor!!!

[Lady Lindsey]

Good morning,
My T and I came to a compromise.
She wanted me to change my medicine, as she felt wellbutrin/Viibryd was not working to help with the depression.
2nd) I would see her everyday through the 15th, then we would reevaluate the situation.
3rd) if at any time she determined, during the time, she cmcan decide I need to go to the hospital, and 90 percent of me have agreed, that we will voluntarily admit if she determines I need to go. She has been very honest that she is only doing this, because of my intense fear of being put in the hospital, that the hospital would be very triggering for
However she has made it clear to the other 10 percent that she will admit me involuntarily, if she feels I need to go.
I have also agreed to check in every morning and before I go to bed. My husband has not been very supportive of all of this, however, I guess some part of me bffad a serious discussion with him, and he keeps a close eye on me when I am home. This can be very annoying

This has been a tough agreement as I live an hour and half from her office, which means a 3 hour round trip for me everyday
Normally only see her 2 times a week, so this has been a big change. I am currently out on FMLA /STD.
She has to sign paperwork allowing me to go to work. She will not sign them.
The drive getting to her office is the most difficult, as parts of me our not happy about this agreement and I often find myself driving the wrong way and have to turn around, or my phone and keys and lots of time my glasses are hidden from me.
.
I have never had this intense of therapy before. Before I am to leave after each visit, she has to be confident that I will see her the next day, and get a commitment that "all" of me will not attempt anything, and if needed, I am to call her. Which I never do, even though she states I can. There has only been twice in the past 2 1/2 years I have called her and both times were neccessary.

She is semi retired, this allows the flexibility with her schedule.
She has been beyond patient with me. I feel so guilty that I am causing her to be away from her family, when it would have been easier on her, just to lock me up and throw away the key.

This kind of caring, compassion and patience with me, is something I have never felt. It has certain parts of me very suspicious.
She has shown an immense trust in me, by allowing me to go home everyday., I do not want to break that trust. There was a significant break through with a part of myself who had made the plan, I am feeling in a much better place. I also think the switch in medication is helping me feel so much less depressed.

[Kiya]

That sounds like a really good plan- and a good t.
How has that been working for you?
My t is also checking in frequently- saw me the day I got out and the next day (yesterday) then talked an hour yesterday afternoon and will call me tomorrow.
Hugs!

[kecanoe]

Wondering how you are doing.

And thought I would share that I have been IP twice (within one month-it was a bad month). I went to a trauma unit that was quite a distance away because my pdoc thought I needed the special treatment. While there, I was diagnosed with DID (which pdoc was pretty much thinking). Like another poster, I cried a lot the first day. I couldn't believe that I was actually there, IP. My mom had a couple of hospital stays and I didn't want to be like her.

But the staff there were kind, I learned a lot, the groups ranged from somewhat boring to quite interesting, the fellow patients were very helpful and understanding. And I was safe. It was such a relief to be somewhere safe and to not have to fight the impulse for suicide. The part that was most determined to do so had a chance to breathe and step back and that was very helpful. Other parts were able to take focus off controlling that part and focus on getting the system to stop going in every which direction and fragmenting and switching and losing time. It was also helpful to spend time with others with dissociative disorders. I had never met anyone with one and listening to them describe their stuff was quite helpful.

There were some things that triggered me, but I was at a pretty trigger-y state. Probably I was triggered less there than I was being outside.

The whole unit was voluntary. It was locked, but if you wanted to leave, you just had to say that you were not suicidal, sign some stuff, and wait for them to check you out. They didn't exactly hurry to discharge people-it took a couple of hours for the one that I know of. But if you could look them in the eye and say you were not going to hurt yourself, they would not stop you leaving.

I hope that the intensive care you have been receiving the last couple of weeks has helped. If not, the hospital is not a bad choice. I think you will feel physically safe and that it will allow your system to settle down and regroup.