[OR82]

I cry almost any time I eat, or at least I feel like it. I know we all need to eat to live but I am so disgusted that I hate eating. Once upon time I was in really good shape...then depression. Now I hate myself. I don't suppose there is a trick to stop eating. The vicious circle is that I hate eating but then over east because I feel depressed. Any advice?

[Travelinglady]

Are you seeing a therapist and getting support and advice from a professional? We can provide that here to some extent, but it sounds like you might need more.

It's sad that people make such a big deal over weight. It could be that you have some unmet emotional needs that lead you into it. Just a guess. But, as you say, you need to break this cycle.

PAYNE1 is right, try to find some support (outside of us, because this is a pretty supportive community too ) for these issues because food issues can be pretty pervasive. I understand how you feel though; I'm an emotional eater and have had food issues and an eating disorder ever since I was very young. I'm at my heaviest right now and it's like I should be able to moderate my eating but the worse I feel about it the more I'm like "Eff it" and just keep eating to comfort myself. It's a vicious cycle that I'm working on (along with other issues) in therapy. I wish you the best.

[pogar246]

I love to eat. I allways feel guilty too. I lost a ton of weight when I started drinking metamucil 3xday. I know it sounds yucky, but it really works. I put it in the blender with part milk, part orange juice, ice and the metamucil. It kinda tastes like an orange julius. I hope you dont feel too guilty eating. If you were here I would take you to lunch.

[sunsetsunrise]

I agree with the folks here who recommend reaching out also irl to get the help you deserve with this. You should not have to live in this much anguish. Posting here is also great of course !! And by the way, there is no trick to stop eating. Manily because starving ruins peoples health. Trust me when I say that. Please do not choose that as an option. Because it will solve nothing. This is not just about a fast cosmetic fix. okay?

[LostNgone4ever]

hey, I just wanted to say I feel like I'm in a similar cycle, I used to be trim and athletic, I always had some underlying depression and am also bipolar (unmediated until 3 weeks ago). About 4 months ago my depression got horrible and I started binge eating like mad, as my weight went up and I stopped exercising I became more and more depressed and kept binging, I didn't even enjoy the food I just ate b/c I was angry and sad and overwhelmed...I am so hopeless.

I checked my self into a residential facility for eating disorders which made me feel absolutely horrible 90% of the girls/women there were extremely underweight so I felt enormous. I did stop my binging cycle and have now moved back home, but am still extremely depressed about my weight which is pretty much the same.

I don't want to stop eating completely or go on a crash diet, I know that is not the answer. I just wish my body could disappear until is was back at the weight I was at in November...who knows how long that will take.

OR82-I hate myself all the time too, I wish had some advice for you, I have supportive people in my life but I find no matter what they say or do I don't believe them, I just twist their words or just flat out don't believe them.

[Silent_Tears_17]

Originally Posted by OR82

I cry almost any time I eat, or at least I feel like it. I know we all need to eat to live but I am so disgusted that I hate eating. Once upon time I was in really good shape...then depression. Now I hate myself. I don't suppose there is a trick to stop eating. The vicious circle is that I hate eating but then over east because I feel depressed. Any advice?

I was just about to post like this exact thing word for word... Im really sorry.. I know the pain

[spondiferous]

OR82, zyekitty, anyone else reading this who's in the same boat...I empathize because it is such a struggle. And no two people have the same relationship with food, even though a lot of issues are the same, and even a lot of the behaviors. I hope you find some healing around the underlying issues. I know from experience that, over time, emotional eating and eating for comfort can become an eating disorder so if it's something that concerns or alarms you, I urge you to seek professional help as others have mentioned here. It could save you a lot of pain in the future. As sunsun mentioned, it's about far more than just the weight. It's about emotional, mental and physical well-being.

[sunsetsunrise]

I can so understand the pain that people are writing about. While my personal expereinces are not exactly the same as anyone elses, I sure know what everyone is saying. The pain, the struggle, the love hate relationship with food that translates to how I feel about my body and myself. i understand about the vicious cycle. Eating> weight gain > depression. Depression > eating.

Originally Posted by pogar246

I lost a ton of weight when I started drinking metamucil 3xday. .

I am curious what it is about the product that you find causes the weight loss. I know it has 2 components. The fiber and the laxitive. I am careful about laxatives. Some people physically need them. Other people can take them because of an ED. So I was curious what it is for you.

[OR82]

I know a lot of it stems from depression. I am seeing a T but it doesn't really help. I am doing what he suggests (mostly). When it really comes down to is I hate myself. I am unlovable and in turn I eat. Most of the time for something to do....I am alone 95% of my day. I am around people but still alone....

[ShaggyChic_1201]

Originally Posted by OR82

I know a lot of it stems from depression. I am seeing a T but it doesn't really help. I am doing what he suggests (mostly).

When you say mostly, I immediately wonder what it is he has suggested that you are not doing? If what you are doing is not working, and clearly it's not because you feel terrible about yourself, then you need to do something else.

Depression and eating disorders CAN be overcome. But the most critical thing to do is also the hardest: change your thinking. You say such terrible things about yourself - things I'm sure you would never say to another living person. Since you quoted the Bible, I'm going to cite Romans 10:17, So faith comes from hearing.... Both positive and negative things come from hearing, and what you're hearing is awful. That's the message you're sending yourself day in and day out, so it's no wonder you're depressed. It becomes a vicious circle.

You've said you have a therapist, but what kind of therapy are you doing? It sounds like either CBT or DBT would help you get over this hump. Both help with brain retraining, which IMO is essential to recovery.

Please keep posting. We are here to support you whether you are succeeding in your goals or not.

Bub

[OR82]

When I say mostly, what was suggested was walking and writing. Neither seem to do much good. I walk everyday but I don't see the point. Writing it the "mostly" part, I write sometimes but all it does is put into words (for me to re-read) what I am thinking....not sure how that helps.

[spondiferous]

OR82: writing can be a useful tool for a number of reasons. Some people find it easier to express what they are feeling and/or experiencing through writing rather than speaking. It can help to process things you're unsure about, as writing is another form of dialogue that takes us on a journey, very similar to a conversation. Also when you are writing there is no reason to be self-conscious or censor yourself, as it is meant for yourself and you can say whatever needs to be said. It's not a tool that works for everyone, but if it's something that's new to you, I suggest you stick with it for awhile. Even though it might not make sense to you now, it's possible that with a little practice it could be something that you find works for you.

What I like about writing: it's always there for me, when people are not; it's the thing I go to when all else fails; it can't talk back to me and tell me what to do. I can be fully honest, in my own language, in my own way. It also gives me a creative outlet when I need a bit of levity.