[SoOverEating]

I am obese, morbidly I think. I look in the mirror and I am really fat sitting down. My wife just lost weight and looks incredible, so I compare myself to her. I was the tall one that could hide the fat in loose clothing and jackets, now she is wearing tight fitting blouses and "skinny jeans". She looks fantastic.

I am not healthy, I work outside so I am not sedentary, but outside of work I do nothing, afraid to go out, I sit and play on the computer. I did most of my recovery of CSA and ASA from the computer chair, I hope to find a similar experience. I find I cannot read and learn, nor can I go anywhere, driving is overwhelming, but is necessary.

I tend to see myself as overwhelmed but productive, hoping someone realizes I am grossly underqualified for the work I am doing and relieves me of it, but then give me $30,000 to get out of debt. I need to save $1200 per month for retirement.., HAhahahahahahahahaha, whatever.

Where was I?

Sam

[healingme4me]

Sometimes, little changes create new habits. Even 15minutes a day, setting a timer, to focus on one change, at a time helps. Tracking with a journal or calendar?

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[Lexi232]

have you ever had an aspergers diagnosis?
im obese too.. but even doctors/ERs wont believe me when i tell them what i last weighted. they are shocked to see it. but not looking the weight you are if you are obese can be another bad health problem. because its fat that is building up in the arteries and blood vessels thats taking up so weight/volume. which can lead to heart failure....
but also certain meds can cause weight gain.. and thyroid problems can also cause weight issues. also gi tract problems can.
theres some meds that a pdoc could prescribe to counteract that if its being caused by that.

[SoOverEating]

healingme4me, yes, little changes do make a new life in time, especially journaling in a diary or calender. My overwhelming issue is that the triggers I am experience seem to overwhelm my desire for self control, then I find myself with empty packages and dirty plates all around me. It's like I am more than one person, when another one takes over, I am not the person I want to be. I have started though, I am here, looking for support, that is hopefully the path to a new habit.

Lexi232, Thank you for replying. I am not on any medication, I will check out aspergers. Ok, I did the screening here at PC. According to the screening and I understand it is not a diagnosis, I am the highest level of "possibly autistic", one point away from "probably". Wow. Thank you for the idea and thanks to PC for the screening. This is something to pursue on this healthy path.

[healingme4me]

Almost seems worthwhile seeking out a trained clinician to help you overcome those moments when triggered and overwhelmed. Even, if meds are a final resort, for you, as it seems to be, for many, that's one path.
Another is attempting to seek healthy emotional coping skills for depression, not saying you have it, but your description sounds much like a symptom of depression.
I remember reading about ideas for managing the risk factors for impulse control. Coupled with new techniques for coping with triggers, could help. Wish I could recall where/when I'd ever come accross that, but again there's resources to research.

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[CANDC]

I am sorry you are struggling with obesity which Lexi pointed out could be related to your diagnosis. Having a professional diagnosis can help get things back on track with medicine that might help with weight reduction also.

You said:

then I find myself with empty packages and dirty plates all around me.

My room goes downhill but then I say okay it's the weekend, I am going to take all the dishes to the kitchen. I load up the dirty clothes and take them to the washer. I might break it up into 10 little jobs. After I complete a job, I take time to appreciate my accomplishment.

[SoOverEating]

Thank you CANDC, the clean up is necessary and definitely satisfying. It helps as it dissipates the guilt, sweeping away the evidence. The issue I have is opening the packages. I use food as a quench, a quell, a quit for the anxiety rising.

Here is my issue. I go to a doctor and he/she provides a diagnosis, therapy and maybe medication. I need to understand why I am going through this as well as how to bridge the gap I keep falling into over and over. To that end I have come to this forum, to those who have come before me and can share their experiences so I can compare what I am working though with others and then, eventually.., heal.

Please, share with me. My hope is in faith, badly shaken, persecuted and most of the footsteps lately are my own. These steps, trampling on my faith and on my self confidence and hope, are lighter now than they have ever been, save the really big ones. You see, I have come such a long way, working through steps to overcome some horrific experiences, things no pill nor talk therapy could have addressed without empathy. Empathy generated from others experiences that I could learn to point inward. Empathy leads to nurture, nurture to healing, healing to maturity.

I have found healing for terrible, terrible memories and felonious acts against myself by feeling compassion for others, then using that to mature.

Is that to be found here indepth? Are there shares here that journal the struggle and then work through the challenges? I want to get off this roller coaster, the hard way or the easy way as long as there is a way.

[healingme4me]

Originally Posted by SoOverEating

Is that to be found here indepth? Are there shares here that journal the struggle and then work through the challenges? I want to get off this roller coaster, the hard way or the easy way as long as there is a way.

I believe you've come to a place where there's oodles of stories and varying degrees of all sorts of struggles. There's a survivors of abuse forum, that might connect you. There's the Depression Forum. It's a rather large community and there are archives, that might bridge the gap;try searches with titles or words that might be included in the posts.




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