[tryingtobegood]

Hi, I’m new. I hope this is the right place for me to be. I find I don’t identify with a lot of the experiences I've read in other places online, and am wondering if there’s anyone else here like me.

I’ve been an overeater since childhood. Literally for as long as I can remember. I remember coming home from elementary school and bargaining with my mother on what my afternoon “snack” would be, and then sneaking a full can of soup.
I remember being young and sneaking to the fridge on a regular basis to steal food in small, consistent chunks.
I remember needing to choose my own pieces of meat, instead of just eating what was presented to me, and I remember my sister making a joke I was pregnant when i got caught getting something to eat.

I am 30 now. I binge on a weekly basis, and I hide in my room to eat so my roommate can’t see me. I sneak to the kitchen often. I eat until I’m uncomfortably full, but I will finish whatever is in front of me. Sometimes I’ll think about ‘what I’m gonna eat later’ all day. Throughout all of this, never have I ever purged. I just eat. I feel a lot of shame about my bingeing but I just can’t seem to change my habits. If i’m really motivated I can go almost a month without bingeing, but that’s as far as I’ve ever gotten. I always slip back. I have been going to therapy for a few months now, but I have not talked about my eating habits with her yet.

I absolutely hate having this little control over food. I hate that I can’t just be happy with a properly sized meal. Even if I eat one, I’ll just go back to the kitchen later.


Is there anyone else who’s been overeating since childhood? I feel like an anomaly.

[K2TOG]

No, you are not alone. I still struggle with food and always have. I've tried different weight loss programs, diets, pills, counseling and nothing works. My other bad habit is watching too much TV and the more I watch TV the more I eat.

I am miserable about my size and hate the way I look.

[tryingtobegood]

I know how that goes. I do a lot of my bingeing while watching TV too. I'm not happy with how my body looks and its so frustrating and uncomfortable.

I have some active hobbies but I just know my eating is counteracting all the good I could be doing for my body.

I just don't know how to get a grip. This is the only way I've always known. I feel like i have zero frame of reference for what good eating habits look like.

hey and welcome.

yep, me too!.

i don't really remember how long it's been going on for, but what i do know is that sometimes i can spend up to an hour/ 2 hours eating potato chips or chocolate (seriously)

i'd reach for 1 cookie, and then would start the cycle... 2 cookies, 3 cookies, 4 cookies, the whole tin, a bag of potato chips, chocolate bars, you name it..

i also have this problem that when it comes to fully prepared meals, i'm not exactly hot on them... i'll eat them, and then my body will give me messages that it's full- but actually it's not full at all, it's just longing for a binge on junkfood.

but that's not all the time.. only sometimes.

[seabreeze62]

Hi Tryingtobegood. I've been the same since childhood...sneaking bites (big bites) of garbage food into my mouth when no one was looking...sneaking food into my room...wanting the biggest portion of whatever was being served. I've been fighting it my whole life. I find when I'm feeling good about myself and keeping busy I don't act this way. When I'm bored or down on myself (maybe it's loneliness) I get out of control. I've been trying to find some hobbies with other people to keep me engaged so I don't overeat, but I don't commit. I just think about it and don't do it. I have days when I'm better and days when I'm worse. I'm currently living alone and my trigger is going home in the evening after work with no one and nothing to stop me. I sit in front of the TV and just eat. Well, one day at a time. Start with a plan. Make a call. Make an appointment. Anything... And then act on it. I have faith in myself that I'll get there and I try not to get too down on myself when I slip backwards, but I do have a lot of shame in how I've let myself get so out of shape. I'm need to turn that shame into action!

[tryingtobegood]

@Seabreeze62 Its comforting to know there's other people out there who've been doing this since they were young. I really don't know how to go about making changes, since this is all I've known. Where did you start?
I keep telling myself a similar thing about turning shame into action. I like to climb, I'll bring all my stuff to work so I can go afterwards and end up talking myself out of it and sitting at home alone in front of the TV instead.
I think you might be on to something with the keeping busy/ feeling good = less bingeing.

any suggestions for encouraging yourself follow through on things? I always have the best intentions but easily dissuade myself in favour of my bad habits.

[Evaluna]

I was the same as a kid. My parents never stopped me from getting what I wanted to eat so I'd just keep going.

Some days I spend all day thinking about what I'm going to eat during the day. When I go to work instead of just taking a sandwich for lunch I'll take all kinds of things so I feel like I have a choice. But then eat most of it anyway.

Just recently my depression has been getting the better of me so I've not really been thinking about food so much. I just seem to be stuffing things in my mouth randomly and without thought.


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[PianogirlPlays]

If only we could find the reason why. What is the real longing? What else could help satisfy? I know I am looking for comfort, help , love, satisfaction , peace but food is so temporary . It doesn't really do all of that.

[itspeaks]

You definitely aren't alone. I used to over eat when I was younger, I think due to depression, and I've also had times where I restricted and purged, but over the last few years I have gone full swing into BED.

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[Readyforchange_89]

Possible trigger*****
I too, have had trouble overeating since I was young. I had family sick for nearly 10 years off and on. Something I could control was food. And boy howdy, did it control me. I know that my choices now in adult life are mine, I have some intrinsic pull to over eat often. I know I shouldn't, but there I go. So no, you are not alone, not by along shot.

[CRJSAHM]

You are not alone. My bed started early in puberty and never stopped. I think food is my first and best addiction. For a while I smoked, then smoked and drank, then smoked then binge-ate again. Now I am overweight to the point that my doctor keeps suggesting bariatric surgery in order to get my diabetes and blood pressure under control. I really don't want to do that. I asked my psydoc for help and he said if I was only binging twice a week that was good. ARRGG! If I'm not mistaken that MEETS the criteria for BED. I recently went thru a hypo manic phase and once I am stable on meds I'm going to eating disorders clinic at Hershey Med.