[satimati]

My husband is suffering from a depression since loosing his job last year. Even when he found a new job he couldnt cope with it so he quit. Last week he told me he wanted to split a divorce. I want to keep my family together and have been doing all that i can for it: therapy, exercise, meditation and all the chores my therapist sugested. She told me not to pay attention to his doings treat him as normally as possible but he is closed to me. He moved to another room, he just says hello and he posts staff on Facebook. What I wonder is this rupture coming from the depression or it is a liberation from someone he never loved. We have been 4 years together and have a 2,5 boy. Her daugther from a previous mariage lives with us. Our sex life was inexistent after the baby was born and he says is not the medication or the alcohol ingest.
I need your advices
TY so much

[Direction]

Does your husband give you any indication about why the split?

[SadJames]

Wow. This scenario is almost the exact of mine. My wife led a very hectic life going to school full time and working two jobs. After she graduated, she fell into a deep depression even though she was working at her "dream job." She too, quit being intimate and eventually moved into another bedroom in the house. She spent every free second in front of the TV.

I finally got her into counseling and the first counselor said we just need to go back to the way things were. She quit going after he said that. She filed divorce and made several attempts to move out but would always come back crying. I convinced her to see another therapists and we have been going regularely. They put her on a depression med and she has been improving. Although she still claims to not love me anymore and just wants to start a new life somewhere else.

It is very difficult for me having to deal with someone saying they have no feelings for you. I have begun to slip into a depression myself and leave the house less and quit going with my friends since. I am still hopeful she will remember the great life we had made together before this all happened and want to continue forward with it.

I believe I can understand your dilemma and wish you all the best. There are many times a week when I just want to tell her to leave and never come back, but I don't. It's like she is another person some nights. And then other nights are great.

Just keep your own needs and feelings in check and try to find a balance for yourself. It will be rough. I wish I could help you and also wish their were easy answers.

Best of luck to you.

[coopaloop]

Originally Posted by satimati

My husband is suffering from a depression since loosing his job last year. Even when he found a new job he couldnt cope with it so he quit. Last week he told me he wanted to split a divorce. I want to keep my family together and have been doing all that i can for it: therapy, exercise, meditation and all the chores my therapist sugested. She told me not to pay attention to his doings treat him as normally as possible but he is closed to me. He moved to another room, he just says hello and he posts staff on Facebook. What I wonder is this rupture coming from the depression or it is a liberation from someone he never loved. We have been 4 years together and have a 2,5 boy. Her daugther from a previous mariage lives with us. Our sex life was inexistent after the baby was born and he says is not the medication or the alcohol ingest.
I need your advices
TY so much

I have been battling MDD for a long time and your story really hit my heart. I also battle HPD of the appeasing type so I may be wrong in my comments. Anyway, it may be that your husband is so exhausted emotionally that he closed himself off. It sounds to me that he is abusing alcohol? I did this often in my relationships. He may be embarrassed of his drinking and trying to hide it from you hence moving to a different room? I may be way off, but if you suspect this, I would discuss this with your therapist on the best way to handle it. When people are under the influence they are not themselves and need professional help. Also, alcohol mixed with depression is a red flag so I would consult a professional, should you suspect this. Depression also impacts people's sex drive and it often becomes non-existent. Is he in therapy? Sorry you are going through this.

[mommyg2]

Oh my, I hope things do get better for you. I don't know if this helps but in my situation, my husband pushes me away a lot. He used to be affectionate other than behind closed doors. He used to tell me he loved me. Now, after his accident and losing his job, he is the same as your partner. He pushes me away, won't talk, won't do anything but spends all available time on facebook. I have seen some of his conversations that are completely inappropriate. I have confronted him and he says it is harmless banter. He says he does not want a divorce but yet he hides what he is typing and he put locks on his computer. He tells me not to worry but pushes me away.

I don't know what helps in this situation. Some days are wonderful but many are not. I am truly sorry, my friend, but I wish I could tell you something that can help.

[rubyindie]

since it is a sudden development u can still try to ask him or any of his close friends you are in touch with about what might be on his mind. maybe things are becoming too much for him to handle and doesnt think of u when it comes to sharing. be open to dialogue or start some written communication between u. small notes for start. show him your appreciation for the things he has done. if he has been considerate to u or ur kids openly thank him so the kids understand too. either he can be depressed and wants to distance from his life and lifestyle or he has other vested interests that has made him feel and think differently for himself. maybe he is having new ideas about his marriage and married life with u . whatever i think u deserve to be spoken to and discuss t openly and try to make possible changes in expectations and effort put into making the marriage more exciting.pls dont try to be passive, its ur life too so ask and discuss patiently esp when in better mood.TC

[Earnest]

My husband has also recently started speaking pessimistically about our marriage, and told me it's 50/50 whether we have a future together. I knew he was becoming depressed but I had no idea that male depression is so different than female depression, (I just researched it on the internet). He's expressing irritation/resentment/brooding hostility/hyper-critical and tells me I'm probably not able to change. He's seeing a therapist but he's not taking meds for depression. I'm not going to accept his requests or predictions of divorce because I love him. But it's very painful to be blamed for so much of his misery.