Depressed Husband NOT taking his meds!

Hello all,
So my husband is diagnosed with depression. He's been taking Zoloft for 6 months and has been doing pretty well. He has had to up his dose 3 times, but seems to be doing well where he is (for now). Until recently that is. He has been having some sexual side effects that only just began after his last dose increase. We are trying to have a baby, so this effects us greatly. I always try to be supportive and understanding and would never (ever!) say anything to make him feel bad, but it really bothers him, So we were discussing options. I brought up maybe if he talks to his doc and asks about going down a dose or so and adding a buffer med it might help. He immediately stops me and says "Yeah i can go down some doses". Without any further discussion (i thought he would wait till his next appt) he stopped taking his meds daily. He has had some extreme angy outbursts and whole days of rage (tho he would never hurt us...physically). I began counting his pills. 8 on wed....8 still on Sat. 7 on Sat night. 7 on Mon morning. Monday night all his pills were all cut in half...13. ?! He didn't take any last night....I don't know what to do. I don't feel like i can talk to him about it becuase i know he'll get very angry. Last time he wasn't on meds...we almost didn't make it...I don't know what to do. i'm going to ask him today if he decided anything in regards to his meds and see what he says, but oh man i am not looking forward to it. Any advice?

He is adult, so you cannot make him force to take his meds. Maybe there are other reasons that the sexual side effects why he doesn't want to continue with his regimen and if there is... you should acknowledge that....

Stoping cold turkey is dumb thing to do, because withdrawal is a nasty thing... But again... it is his decision. YOu can let him know how is actions affect you, but you cannot make him do anything.

Just have a talk, like two adults. Don't be too flully or condescending.

I don't want to "make" him do anything. I want communication and him to see what his depression and rages do to our family. He doesn't "see it as an issue" at all. His depression and mood swings are my fault apparently, or so he says. He doesn't have the down moods very often like most people. He is almost all anger and rage. It's so scary. I feel sick driving home from work on Fridays (he works nights, so it's the first time each week i see him) because i am scared of how he will react or what his mood is. I tiptoe around constantly trying not to say anything to upset him. I guess i just wanted someone to understand what i am going through.

Well.... do you like him otherwise?

He is unwilling to change or do anything it seems. You cannot blame it on depression and hope it can be "cured" if only... It can as well be his personality and it's up to you to decide how much you want to put up with.

Yeah, you need to communicate. But if he doesn't and won!t see it as a problem... then well, there is really not much you can do.

Impotence is a common side effect of antidepressants in men. Wellbutrin is supposed to have fewer sexual side effects, but I haven't seen that to be the case. But, everyone is different.

I have found the various ED (Viagra, Cialis etc) drugs to be helpful. They are expensive, but they do work. Take them an hour or two beforehand, you'll never notice. I didn't say this, but if you Google "generic Viagra" you will find alternative sources. It's kind of scary, but I have had pretty good luck so far.

You need to understand where your husband is... at. (woah... That was close ! lol). Even with a supportive, understanding, caring partner it really undercuts a man's self image. Its very, very discouraging! The closest I can think of for a woman would be having a mastectomy. Quite demoralizing.

Talk to your hubby about these things. You didn't say, but exercise and therapy are essential. Drugs by themselves won't do it. That said, the proper drug therapy is also a necessary part of treatment. I hope things work out for you.

"Maturity is simply a better
grasp on cause and effect"

DaveyJones, thank you so much for your reply. His issue isn't the "act" but more the finish line if you know what i mean. I feel so bad for him because i know how much it upsets him, which is why i told him maybe he could go down a dose or so and use a buffer med. What upsets me is that he is going crazy with this idea and not taking his meds very often at all now. This part is what i am scared about. I am all for switching or decreasing, or whatever he wants to try (except going off completely) but he's hiding what he is doing. It is so miserable to look at the person you love more than life itself and wonder what he is hiding from you. He's back to his weekends of rage...that's what i call them. Everyone is miserable. No matter how well everything is going our weekends are filled with his anger and rage about everyday little things. I'm just lost. He will NOT go to therapy. Refuses. He exercises every evening.

You need to lay it all out for him. the raging, the med skipping, the hiding it.
and you need to follow things through yourself, to the most likely conclusion.
you are either going to stay and take it. or you are going to get out.
if you stay and do nothing nothing changes.
think.
you say you can't talk to him. very bad. he rages all weekend? and you want to have a child with someone that behaves this way?
there must be some reason why you married him. so there must be some of that person in there. you need to get through to that part.
Impress on them how important this is. therapy. medication. or

I have been in pain and in a serious suicidal depression for roughly 7 years.
I have a chronic pain problem. it's not going away. and I have been on meds that made performing impossible, and meds that made finishing impossible. and for any man it's bad. for a seriously depressed man it's too much to handle at the same time.
I got different meds. things function just fine. sometimes the meds made it better.
and therapy is hard work. Also no one has to know he's in therapy.
seriously things will turn one way or the other. he will hurt you, or himself.
it can't go unaddressed.

If he just started the med or just increased, his ability to orgasm can come back. It is one of the things that actually can come back even staying on the med.

So don't "Try to have a baby" if he cannot orgasm, and then tell him he has to take his meds. I mean, how do you expect THAT to work?

The nearest med with less side effects is Luvox. Wellbutrin is not an SSRI and god knows what that can do...

Thanks guys! We had a good talk this weekend. He still has not agreed to go to therapy, but will be switching his meds at his next appointment. I should point out that when we said our vows at the alter i took them very seriously. I would not expect him to give up on me and leave because things got hard (even if i wouldn't get complete help right away), and i will not do that to him. "For better or worse" means just that to me. (of course physical abuse, etc. would be the exception to that rule) It kind of amazes me how many people immediately jump to the "get out while you can or stop complaining" oppinion. I am not complaining. Maybe i should rephrase my initial post to say "Emotional support from people that have been through this before?" I love my husband and i WILL support him in his fight no matter how hard it is, because he would do the same for me. I am very sorry for those of you who do not understand my thinking and i wish you the best of luck. To those of you who "kindly" gave support and advice...thank you so much. It seems our lines of communication are beginning to open partially because of your advice.