Looking for self help - recommendations

I don't have too much time to get into detail at the moment but I am really looking for an appropriate book or website for my situation. I'm 23 years old and live with my parents. My father has been suffering 4 years after an accident during surgery.. The result of everything was a liver transplant along with many other issues that he suffers with daily. He was in and out of the hospital many times up until a year ago he has been doing alright. Now he has problems with diabetes ( he swells up and gets rashes on his legs along with messed up sugar levels). I can tell everyday that he is suffering constantly as I am around my parents a lot, we run a business office together so this isn't something that I don't have to see all the time. He's getting frail and has trouble walking around with all the swelling and nerve pain so he's getting to a bad place mentally as well. I'm always working towards getting him to eat better & getting him to a psych but he seems to have given up on himself. Its like he really does not think he can do anything else to get out of pain and discomfort when I know that's not true. Its really wearing on me always thinking about the inevitable because he wont do anything for himself or his family. I know this is probably a very scattered thread and I may not be making much sense but I feel like maybe I need to start reading self help books or get someone to talk to. I just really don't know what to do at this point.. Any input anyone can give me would mean the world to me. I hate seeing him like this, hes the one in pain & suffering yet I'm an emotional wreck everyday..

Thank you, will write again soon.

Hello dcm029: I'm sorry to say, from my perspective, there's really nothing you can do with regard to your father's situation. He's an adult many times over. And, from what you wrote, it sounds as though he's facing some serious medical issues. Perhaps he has given up on himself. But that's really his choice... his call. What you can do is to be there for him as much as possible & to provide emotional support to both your parents.

However, as you are clearly aware, your father's situation is affecting you as well. So you have to take care of yourself, first-&-foremost. This may involve figuring out some ways of not spending so much time around him. You may also want to consider seeing a counselor of therapist so that you have someone with whom you can process the impact your father's condition is having on you.

I see this is your first post here on PC. So... welcome to PsychCentral… from the Skeezyks! I hope you find the time you spend here to be of benefit.

PsychCentral is a great place to get information as well as support for mental health issues. There are many knowledgeable & caring members here. The more you post, & reply to other members’ posts, the more a part of the community you will become. Plus there are social groups you can join & chat rooms where you’ll be able to connect with other PC members in real time (once your first 5 posts have been reviewed & approved.) Lots of great stuff! So please keep posting!

Thank you for your insight, I'm trying to start being less hard on myself about not being able to provide help that he is willing to take. To be honest, it is very hard for me to get away from them. I work a 9+ hour a day job with my dad training me and my mom as a secretary. It's just us 3 in a small company as sales reps. I also live with them so other than trying to get out of the house as much as possible, I still come home to my parents. I've started saving a small amount of cash from the very little I do make at the moment and am working towards getting a place with my girlfriend. Other than her, I honestly do not have anyone else to talk to about my situation, or to hang out with. I spend all my time with her and she is the only escape I really have from the constant worrying. I get concerned with the fact that I would be leaving this whole burden on my mom if I wasn't here to help every day as well..

Todays a big day because he has had some tests done yesterday and results come back today. Hes been feeling terrible and a few days ago had a very strange hive like rash all over his body. I'm doing everything I can to pass time here at work but I just keep coming back to the same thoughts. It has all been a very surreal experience

Sorry for bumping but I'm honestly pretty desperate to find a book or website that could help me cope a bit better than I have. Seeing a psych at the moment is probably completely out of the question as I am really struggling with money for now.

I've been looking every day for something geared towards what I'm going through but no luck really.

Thanks.

Try this for leads:

Local Support Groups - Baltimore County

Conversely, you could go on Meetup.com and search for a support group. They are typically free for the first year. If there is no support group in your area that will meet your needs, you can create one and see if there are others who would join.

There are many books written on the subject of what is called, "Codependency". Prominent authors are: Claudia Black, John Gray, Melody Beattie and Pia Mellody. There may be others, but I am unsure. Caregiver burnout is well known and as has been said, you need to make time to focus on self care in order to be an effective caregiver.