[ziggy1]

As you all know my mother has had a chronic lung disease for sometime now. She isn't getting any better and she uses Oxygen
all the time now.

I try to give her as much as I can give either by visiting with
her in the same room, making her a nice meal, or just remenicesing.

Being all alone here by myself is such a challenge! Many times I
have to retire to the sitting room or my bedroom mainly because
sometimes it looks as if she's on her last breath. Its very scary
and I have to discuss it with my T every week.

Her appetite is starting to fail too. Alot of the foods she used
to love just doesn't interest her anymore. Her Memory has really gone down hill to. Just tonight she took 2 tylenol at 9pm and went to take another 2 15 minutes later...I was like wow! (to my-
self).

I know there will be a time when I won't be able to care for her
anymore and she will either go back to the hospital or a nursing
home. The best thing is that I was able to make peace with her, and forgive her for the things that happened in the past while I
was growing up.

Sometimes I feel a little guilty because I try to get out of the house as much as possible now. Watching her at night on the sofa
slumped over barely breathing on 3 liters of oxygen is just making me so depressed. So now I'm doing some volunteer work at an animal shelter and attending church 3 times a week.

She is welcome to come and worship with me but even that doesn't
interest her anymore. She tells me that no one wants an old lady
around like her. Sometimes I just don't know what to say accept for that everyone cares and asks about her regularly. It seems like she is lacking alot of confidence or just don't feel comfortable around others anymore.

Its funny though because there are 2 other ladies with similar problems and they are so full of life..! They are always in church no matter what. I guess different people re-act to sicknesses in different ways, some living life to the fullest right up to the very end.

I just needed to vent and explain a little about what has been going on here at home. I hope I haven't triggered anyone..?

I can say that this whole situation has made me so much stronger
even if it doesn't seem like it at times.

Ziggy
My mom had the same thing. Your right its very hard to watch. Please if you can get as much help as you can............
AS far as your mom going to church....she may just not be well enough to go
With my mom just getting to Drs was hard....
It takes so much energy and oxygen for them to move...it is sometimes easyer for them just to say home
Plus if she is forgetting things...she maybe staying home to cover it........
Talk to her Dr. as there is help out there.
DO what you need to do to take care of yourself too
Its a very hard thing to watch.........
Muffy

[ziggy1]

((((((Thankyou Muffy))))) I'm glad you understand and can relate
about caring for an Elderly parent, I appreciate your response!

Bless You and thanks for your wisdom!!



Much Peace out your way!

[nothemama8]

Ziggy, you know that your mother knows what a wonderful caregiver in you, have you been able to get ppl to come in to releive you from time to time,
Angie

[nowheretorun]

i feel ya Ziggy.... been there, doin that... its SAD... ((Ziggy))))

[BalishBun]

I am so so sorry you have to go through this. the person that brought you into this world seems to be departing, it must feel like the world is crashing down. Make sure you tell her how much you love her, just in case she does pass unexpectedly.

[nina52]

Ziggy,

I am so sorry about you're mother, and I do understand how hard it must be on you, believe me, as you already know.

I have not experienced the loss of my parents, but I go through this everyday,with my sister. I think that being a caregiver to a family member is the hardest and most precious gift that a person can do if and whenever possible.

When I worked in the hospital, most of my favorite patients were old and had COPD Dementia and even alzheimers. I just wanted to stay with them or take them home with me; especially the ones that had family that never visited.
People need their families, at least I think so especially in a time like this.
I give you the utmost respect and credit for just being there with your Mom.

I have to say though that your Mom may be feeling all kinds of things right now. even though she forgets. I bet the most important thing she has on her mind is you, and her love for you and how proud of you she really is. Inside no matter what illness a person has, they know this but maybe cannot communicate it. Most importantly, she knows how much you love her by all of your actions.

I definately think that it is time for you to get some volunteere to visit with her, or an aide to help the both of you out. I am sure that your mother would want for you to have a life too. She may even be thinking that she may be a burden to you, even though you don't feel that way. What about maybe having a couple of people to visit her from the church? Your mother may seem uninterested, but there is always a way to someone's heart. I bet that there is someone besides you that can make her smile. A woman might be better in her case so that she can see that they may have similar things in their lives or pasts. Ever since I have gotten some help with my sister, I can now not feel guilty having some time for myself, and my sister loves the attention from others too.
I also know how hard it is to watch a family member's health declining everyday, like my sister. It is very sad, but I know that I am doing the best thing for her, by her being here until the end. What disturbs me the most is that she is only 52, and has struggled with cancer for the past 9 years, she never had a chance. So think about all that I have said, and maybe it will work for you, because you totally need some time for you!
You have friends, and I am here if you need me, and you know that already.
XOXOXOXOXOXOO Nina.

[ziggy1]

Thankyou All for your Support!!

You all have been so wonderful, and I have made peace with her
and she knows I love her despite the past. Its helped me to grow
and become a better person.

(((((for everyone))))))

It is very hard to watch our parents become so ill....sometimes.. I believe it is harder on the caretaker than the parent.... getting out of the house for yourself.. and taking care of you... is helping your mom too... I believe they have an instinctive deep understanding of that even of they do not say so... my mom... had altemizers.... so... was a long a slow goodbye...and.. I know.. she loved me...though she never said...
and peace... yes...

[nina52]

Hi Free,
I just read your reply to Ziggy about his mother. I bet it was very hard and very emotionally difficult for you. Alzheimers is a tough one. I have an uncle with it now, and he is only 62. My Aunt was taking care of him all of the time at home and never could get a brake. He would not stay with anyone else, so she g
could go out, except for his son. His son has a family now, with 2 children, 8, and 6. That is vwry sad for them, and I am sure that they will remember himbut in a different way. He became ill before they were even born. Finally, this past month my Aunt had to put him into a nursing home because she couldn't take care of him anymore. Sometimes the caregiver can be very over whelmed, especially without a break. My Uncle used to attack the aides whether they were male or female, and as his disease worsened, he became very abusive to his wife and other family members. Now that he is in a nursing home, he has been even more angry, and wants to go home he says.

[nina52]

Sorry bout that, ran out of space Free. I think that if you are caring for a family member, with me it is my sister, it is very taxing, sad, and a very emotional event. Even though my sister is not in any pain with her cancer ( and it is throughout her whole body now ), We have to keep it all together for them and our own family, esp. if you have children. My brother keeps telling me that there will come a time that I will be relieved when she dies, I find this hard to believe, he isn't around here too much and is not a care giver to her. I wonder if that has anything to do with it, him not being a caregiver. I wonder how hard it is for all of the other family members?
I am taking advantage of this opportunity to share my love for her, and make her as happy and comfortable, and if there comes a time when she cannot remember, which could happen because the cancer is now in her brain, I will continue to still love and care for her, and I believe no matter what she will know I was there for her untill the very end. I hope I make it.
Thanks for sharing Free, and I am so sorry for your loss.

Hi Zig ((((Zig))))). We haven't spoken in a while so I decided to search out your threads. I know, it is so sad and I cannot imagine what you are feeling. Yes, I kind of get the idea that she has no confidence or thinks she is just bothering everyone ad that might be why she wont go to church or anything. Remember to take some time of yourself too, okay?
Don't feel guilty ever, what you are doing takes so much strain and it must be very stressful for you. I often think that if i don't do my UTMOST best then I am being bad but remember...you are doing more than most people would. (((zig)))

[SingleGirl]

I'm so sorry what everyone in this thread is going through right now. i don't have any wisdom. I'm going through the same thing... it's so hard to not only process losing your parents... but also try and wrap up decades of abuse with the same effort.

I wish I had more to offer. Just hugs.

For what it's worth, my grandmother died of lung cancer after being dx'd with COPD. The hardest thing for me was to watch her children SMOKE in the same room. I was humiliated when they went outside to smoke at the funeral home. I just can't understand. It makes no sense.

Then again, I'm fat and lots of people die from complications of obesity...

Good luck wiht it all.